jealous?

good afternoon all! 

i think i touched on this subject in Jan/Feb when my girlfriend decided to have WLS, she as well as all of us has struggled with her weight for years, she's divorced now for 2 years and was in the position to do it, so after she was approved she let me know that she was getting it done.  i was ecstatic for her, totally happy for her  and thought it was the right time in her life and it would make a big difference for her.  i supported her in everything she did, was there for her at her bedside when she had it done, gave her advice and pointers and shared my experiences with her.  BUT..i noticed that i felt kinda jealous that she was having it done, i went through some weird emotions with it.  i am four years out, had the RNY in Feb 2005, since then i have gained weight. maybe its insecurity?? she is 7 months out today and has lost 80 pounds and is now 10 POUNDS LIGHTER THAN ME.  i knew that she would well surpass my weight and i am still happy for her, she's feeling great, looking great..but i feel ...i dont know what i feel.

has anyone experienced this? ..am i jealous? ..or am i just insecure about the weight ive gained? maybe a combination of both?

your thoughts please

hugs,  dawn 

Wow--I can understand exactly what you mean.  My RNY was 5 yrs. ago--huge success--lost 140 lbs. & considered myself "at goal."    Fast-fwd to now: have gained back 45 lbs.  A friend is having her surgery in a few wks., and I'm feeling . . . I don't know exactly, but something like jealousy--that she is going to be doing so great--and also added self-judgment because I've let this re-gain happen to me. 

Oh, how I remember feeling so excited, hopeful, and GRATEFUL that I was getting the surgery--after so many yrs. of obesity (I was 54 at time of surgery)--and I swore that after God gave me this chance at health & normalcy, I'd never take it for granted.   So . . . yes, I am jealous of my friend for being in "that place"--but I think my stronger feeling is anger at myself.

I'm not giving up at getting back on track.  But if I could only go back to the time before I "got stupid" a couple yrs. ago and started back on the path leading to where I am now, I sure would.

Jo you are so beautiful and your avatar is such a wonderful pic! You have always been a great inspiration to me!!! I hope you know what a BIG success story you are!!! Just think about how much happier and healthier you've been in the last 5yrs!!! (((HUGS)))

Tracy, thank you so much for your compliments & words of encouragement.  You are the one who has always been an inspiration to me--always so positive and uplifting to anyone here on OH who needs help--so I appreciate your reply.

I love your avatar pic!  I liked your old one too--your hair is to die for--but this one is super; you look so healthy, fit, and beautiful to boot!!

Thank you SO much!!! You're very kind!!!

Maybe feeling like you failed? Maybe feeling like you're comparing yourself too much to her...We are not all cut from the same cookie cutter and we are all different. I can understand the emotions but it's hard...because we always do compare.

Remember, the number on the scale doesn't mean that's you...it doesn't mean that you're fatter than her..Maybe you have more muscle than her.

A friend on the RNY board wears the SAME size jeans as me (size 6) but she weighs 40 pounds more than me...same height and all. But she's solid muscle. Do I feel superior to her...heck no. She could kick my ass...LOL.

Whatever the issue is, hopefully you can get past it and still be friends and love eachother. it's difficult because we are, who we are and that's in comparison to everyone else in our lives. It's very complicated..

I am a little over 4 years out and my own sister has not spoke to me since the day I had it done. And the girl I grew up with and even worked with for years. We kinda lost touch for a few years. Well someone told her I had gbs. And she called me out of the blue and said " I am not copying you I had it planned before you did" She didn't know know when I had it planned. I am not and have not ever been jealous of anyone or anything. When I was married my hubby was always mad because I would not get jealous over him. I just figure jealous don't do anything but hurt me. The other person don't care.

 

Amy

Dawn, try not to beat yourself up over this.  But I do think part of it jealousy,.  She is the "star" right now, remember how good if felt when everyone kept telling us how great we looked, etc.  Now you know people that didn't even know you when you were heavier, or that just really don't remember that other person we cannot forget.

It's OK to yearn for those days......

I've changed jobs twice and moved since my RNY so know one knows my before.  I lost all my weight during the first 10 months or so, so it's been a long time since that "excited" feeling.  Try to "feel" excited with her....

Good luck

Use that emotion as a positive thing - maybe you get motivated to get back in shape? maybe you can use that to remain yourself why you had the surgery? 
maybe you jealous since she is so new - and it is easier for her than for you now to lose the weight. 
use her -  to get back on track, let her remind you how good you can do. 

And ask your self: what are you jealous about?  

Dawn, I can certainly understand your mixed emotions. I've never been thru it, but I can imagine I would feel much the same way. When we are in the beginning of our journeys, we have the spot light, the attention is on us and then after a few years the spot light dims and we are on our own~we have to be our own cheerleader b/c everyone else isn't doing it as much anymore. I hope you can continue to be supportive to your friend and not let this come between you. Life isn't a competition with others, its a competition with ourselves! Be the best YOU you can be and be proud of your accomplishments! Be kind to your friend and kind to yourself and a little while down the road I bet you'll be feeling much better about things! (((HUGS)))