Here I am again

For the first time since my surgery in October 06 I did not go to a social event today because I have gained weight and had nothing to wear. I am embarrased to be seen and feel like a total failure.  I maintained at my goal of 130 until about 6 months ago.  I noticed that I was still very full at meals but would be hungry soon after eating.

I contacted my surgeon and he referred me for an endoscope and they found that my pouch is fine but the outlet had stretched and is too large.  So tomorrow I am having an endoscopy to create scar tissue where my opening has enlarged.  It was somewhat releiving to know that there is a physical reason I am eating too much but all the mental stuff around it is a killer.  Now I weigh 145 and hate myself.  It was such a huge releif being in control of my food intake for those couple of years.  What if this does not work?  I have to go back on pure liquids for two weeks and I am scared I won't be able to do it. 

I used to read and post alot and have stopped that too.  I am hoping that coming back will give me the strength I need to get through this and be a success again.




Thanks for listening. 

Mindy

Mindy,

I see our surgery dates are the same, just a year apart. I am so sorry this is happening to you, but like you said at least there is a reason behind it. I know when we are bigger the number on the scales may not bother us, but as soon as 5 pounds or more creep up on us after surgery, we worry. I myself have went from 135 to 144, and I'm trying to get back down again. You will be in my thoughts tomorrow, that you will have everything fixed and be back to "YOU" again in no time.



God Bless,

Please don't fall into the "hate myself" trap;  that is very unproductive.  You have identified the problem and are working the solution.  Be kinder to yourself.

Hugs,

Oh I agree with Lynn !!!    We are our own worst enemy....  don't beat yourself down...  

What would you say to your best friend if she came to you with this same problem?

We owe it to ourselves to be kind. We must think about all the good things we did for ourselves that day instead of focusing on the bad and know tomorrow we will do better.

You now have some Idea of  what is going on and your going to get the physical things fixed. (that's the easy part)     You now have to fix your head and go into this with the I can do it thought process. You will be a success you already are!!!!   
   
The mind is a powerful tool !
Jenny B Wise