OT:What you see is not what you get

I am scared and need to let this out. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. I am not asking for anyone to read or reply. I just don't know anymore. So lost. Ok this week my phych changed my care plain. They now say I have BPD. Borderline personality disorder. I never thought about it. I really don't know who I am. I don't know why I am here. I am 43 years old and still don't know who or what I want to be. I feel lost. I feel like I just wonder around and take up space in this world. People look at me and see funny, laughing Amy. They don't see the black inside I have. I only see good or bad. I don't see in between. I lash out really bad and cuss more than anyone in this world I know. I get very offended about my weight. And someone always has a freaking comment about it. I have made so many people on here mad at me bacause they think I am showing off or bragging on my weight. Right now my weight is the last thing I give a **** about. I want my mind back. I want to stop being mean. I want to be normal more than I want anything.Monday I start DBT classes. I hope they help. If I have hurt anyones feelings I am sorry. I don't realize I do it. God help me!!!!!!!!! I am now going to the phych's office 3 times a week. Thanks for letting me cry on here. 

Hottmama,mental illness is a horrible disability, because it can't beseen , so one appears normal. Yet, there are chemical imbalances that are physiological in nature. You did not ask for this, you did not create this, you cannot control this alone. Get help, as one is still responsible for their actions and medical help is available. Everyone has a disability, no ones life is perfect, no matter what iyt may appear to be. I suspect many suffer from this and other physch disorders, but have no idea how to begin to seek help, or are too embarrassed to admit what you just did. Be proud, at least you recognize the problem.  i admire you for this and know that you will be able to handle this. God never gives us more than we can handle. Take care of yourself.

Much love and hope for your future.
Melinda

hey baby girl, i got your myspace email but i haven't had time to respond yet. if you don't mind, i'm going to respond through here because i have some pics to send you and myspace won't let me do that. i love you sweetpea and i miss you and wish you well

If they are changing your meds, it can mess with your mind. Let the MD know everything your feeling.

You have alot of anger and you need to deal with it. No one in your life, including yourself is qualified to deal with that...So you have to get help.

You're getting help and that's the first step. Actually, deciding that you have a problem is the first step. Many MANY people never figure out that they have a problem...Good for you!

We're here for you. I'm here for you ... drop me a line, any time.

As for people feeling like they have a right to comment on your weight...They always do that. I would love, just once, when someone comment on how skinny I am, I'd love to comment on how FAT they are but I don't. I wish I could but I just don't. Mostly because I have to think it's a terrible lonely existance when you've pissed off all the people you live with and near and family members.

You'll get your mind back...I have no doubt.

Love and Blessings.
Dawn