Marriage
This may be way too off topic, but I am struggling with my marriage after losing all this weight. I have been married to 14 years to a man who has been verbally abusive and for years I just accepted it as my lot in life. Now 200+ pounds later, I don't accept it. He is working hard to change, but I am wounded, hurt, angry and not sure I can emotionally connect with him again. I know that many WLS patients have this issue and I want some advice. Did you stay, or did you go? And how do you feel about your decision now that it is done.
Hi SleepWanted,
I left my 27 year marriage before I had surgery. I knew he didn't want me to have the surgery and would not be a support to me. My married ended up not being a marriage the last 10 years anyway. I stayed in that marriage because it was all I knew. It was dysfunctional, I ended up being more like a mother to him than a wife. No sex for the last 3 years and hardly none at all before that. I deserved and wanted more.
I just got remarried to a wonderful man who adores me and gives me his time. Life does get better and will for you. Only you can decide if you want to stay in this marriage. I was better off without my ex. I thought I would stay single after getting into a realationship with a con man. Thank God I had friends watching out for me.
After that fiasco, I started out hanging with one of my best friends brothers. It helped me to know his family and who he was. He was there for me during my hospital stay having my revision for WLS. He knew me fat, and was supportive. I fell in love with him and he's my best friend, lover, confidant and is there for me. I now have the life I always wanted. 3 beautiful grown stepdaughters and now I'm also a grandma!
If your marriage is unhappy now, get a good therapist or relationship counselor to confide in. You are having many changes going on in your life.
Some men like us fat because they can control us. They know where we are because we don't go out. They know who we hang out with. They take our self confidence away. Some abuse us. Getting out is scary but it's for your best interest to decide how you want to live your life. What do you need and want?
I left my 27 year marriage before I had surgery. I knew he didn't want me to have the surgery and would not be a support to me. My married ended up not being a marriage the last 10 years anyway. I stayed in that marriage because it was all I knew. It was dysfunctional, I ended up being more like a mother to him than a wife. No sex for the last 3 years and hardly none at all before that. I deserved and wanted more.
I just got remarried to a wonderful man who adores me and gives me his time. Life does get better and will for you. Only you can decide if you want to stay in this marriage. I was better off without my ex. I thought I would stay single after getting into a realationship with a con man. Thank God I had friends watching out for me.
After that fiasco, I started out hanging with one of my best friends brothers. It helped me to know his family and who he was. He was there for me during my hospital stay having my revision for WLS. He knew me fat, and was supportive. I fell in love with him and he's my best friend, lover, confidant and is there for me. I now have the life I always wanted. 3 beautiful grown stepdaughters and now I'm also a grandma!
If your marriage is unhappy now, get a good therapist or relationship counselor to confide in. You are having many changes going on in your life.
Some men like us fat because they can control us. They know where we are because we don't go out. They know who we hang out with. They take our self confidence away. Some abuse us. Getting out is scary but it's for your best interest to decide how you want to live your life. What do you need and want?
It's a more common problem than is often talked about. I am ending a 20+ year marriage right now, although my WLS was over 5 years ago. My marriage has been over for 10 years; I just didn't have the guts to end it. We finally separated in December. We'll be making it official (divorce) over the coming months. The complications of each relationship are different, and yet they're somewhat the same. Like you, I didn't think I deserved any better and that was just the way things were. Now that we've separated, I know it's the best thing for both of us. I was no longer what he wanted and he certainly was no longer what I needed or want.
Know that you aren't alone and I completely believe that things will get better. Whether you decide to work on your marriage or end it, just think it through thoroughly and in the end, do what is right for you. You can't go wrong that way. If you want to chat more offline, just send me a PM message. Best of luck and God bless.
~~Gail~~
Know that you aren't alone and I completely believe that things will get better. Whether you decide to work on your marriage or end it, just think it through thoroughly and in the end, do what is right for you. You can't go wrong that way. If you want to chat more offline, just send me a PM message. Best of luck and God bless.
~~Gail~~
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