I've Fallen and I Must Get Up!

It all started with a Christmas party.  As of July 2009, I will be celebrating my 5th year post-op.  I have no regrets about having the surgery.  I do have regrets about how I handled the honeymoon phase and the constant gaining and losing dance I have chosen to two step for the last 3 years. 

I get on a roll, such as I was before the Chrismas party, I was a good post op little girl.  Posting with the accountability thread, exercising 90 minutes a day, tracking my food in fitday.  The pounds were slowly dropping (AGAIN) and I was feeling good about myself.  Maybe this is the time I'll get under 200 lbs.  I started at 326.  Lowest 216.

Oh no, that was not to happen (at least not that time).  My office had a Christmas party and I gave myself an excuse to eat what I want (you see I don't dump beyond getting sleepy which is not a serious enough consequence to make me behave, I just take a nap).

So one Christmas party lead to a host of carbs, too many to name here, but let's just say the dam busted and I have been eating stupidly without a sense of hunger or need until I get the hiccups and then I stop.  I don't want to stop, but the hiccups tells me there's no more room.  Then later I sart again. 

So what's up with this long confession.  Well, I'm wanting to draw the line in the sand (AGAIN!) before I find myself back at 326.  They tell me confession is good for the soul, hopefully, it will be good my mental mindset so I can stop the madness and get on the right train and use the tool I know will work for me if I'd just do the right thing.

Thanks for listening to my rant and rave.  I plan to post daily.  I want to confess daily and publicly my successes and failures and hopefully there wll be more success than the latter and a trend line that moves the scale downward.

Happy new year, WLS family...

Hi jewelcrown,
Aren't you one beautiful lady! Hang in there. It sounds like you are addressing your "mindless eating". You are all ready a success so hold your head up high and get keep on keeping on.

You might want to find a therapist that specializes in eating disorders. Learn why you are sabbotoging yourself. We are the hardest on ourselves. Love yourself now, right this very minute and move on from there.

Some of us struggle every day, every hour, every minute. I'm a revision so I didn't have a "virgin gut" as they say. I knew I would have to work hard on every pound and exercise everyday. I knew I had to do it right this time and not be a failure. I knew I'd have to surround myself with positive people that would support me and cheer me on to the road of success for a "thin person".
I've reached the end of the road, am at goal and exercising everyday.

I do eat carbs, we need them for our "brain power" but they are mostly from fresh veggies/fruits. Yes, the chips and crackers call to me and sometimes they win. I'm not perfect but I am a success...and so are you!!
Keep exercising that's the key and reaching for protein first and drinking all your water. I don't track my food intake, I can do it in my head. I don't want to be driven to the point of tracking, weighing daily. I do weigh every Sunday to hold myself accountable.
Maintaining that weight is hard and we have to exercise. You are doing great. Keep posting and always remember, it's not about the number on the scale. It's about your health, how you feel.

Are you attending a bariatric support group? If not start, you will find many others just like you. Many can relate to what you are going through. You are not alone.
Sending you great big hugs. And hey, you can treat yourself once in awhile, just not everyday. Enjoy the taste of your treats and savor them.

Thanks Debbie!  You  just don't know bow much your encouragment means to me.
I never realized how much of a journey this really is.  The doctor forewarned me that it's a lifestyle change, but obviously I wasn't listening.

Have had a great day eating wise... hoping to repeat the same one day at a time and finally tame the monster within.

Hugs!
Jewel

Hi,

Yea, those parties are wicked.  I think you can do it.  Yes, it will take pulling up your boot straps so to speak, but you can.  It sounds like all those snacks were your triggers and they are firing up a storm.  I understand the snow ball affect.  A good support system is going to help you.  Do you see a nutritionist or a counselor?  Is there someone at your hospital who deals with addictions and/or disorders.  I'm not saying you have these but there are some awesome tools that are interchangeable that work very well.  I think you need to find a tool that will reset your thinking and get you going the right direction.  Huuugzzz

I moved away from the city where I had the surgery.  I had a great support system there and a wonderful doctor.  Unfortunately, I've not found the right support here in St. Louis yet.  The group is full of newbies who are astonished that anyone could let themselves fall off the wagon.  Honeymooners for whom I wish well and hope they never fall into my trap, but the "holier, than thou" speel of the newbies is not helpful.  I think finding a local bariatric counselor or nutritionist might be a good idea.

Thanks for your support!
HUGS!

Yes.  That would be a great idea!  Let me know how it goes.  I know what it's like not having support so, do you know what I did?  I got certified as a Leader and starting my own support group.  That way I can, "practice what I preach"! so to speak.  That has been the best thing I have done!

I completely understand~I had way too much food fun over the holidays too and am now having to work hard to get the weight back off. Its strange how we can be so focused and eat/exercise and then one thing can throw us off track and mess up all of our hard work! Why oh why do we do this to ourselves? I don't know, but I keep doing it too. I swear I have gained and lost the same 10lbs too many times to count! I hope you find your way back on track~I know you can do it!!!!!

It's a never ending battle.  Congrats on keeping your lgain, loss and repeat down to 10 lbs.
I started in that range and over the years, it's crept up to more.  I had a good eating day today.  Let's see if I can do it again tomorrow and add some exercise to it.

Have a great week!

Jewel

You sound a lot like me.  :)  I don't have much more to say then that !  Maybe it helps to know your not alone?   I've been trying very hard to get back on track.   I was doing very well and lost a total of 12 lbs in a 6 weeks.. only to see it all come back.   I'm around 220 now.   People are constantly telling how "great" I look.  But these where the same that said I was not big enough to get RNY.  

I know my issue is that I need to put working out high on my list again and say NO to carbs and white sugar.  

Thanks for being honest here.. it's helped me to be as well!~

-Shakeira

p.s.  One thing that I know is fool proof for me... is that I inact my "no food without 25 oz of water" rule.  I don't have any meal without drinking first 25 oz of water.   That way, I'm guarenteed to get all my water in for the day... and it really helps with cravings.   I often think that I'm really thirsty instead of hungry.

just a thought.  ;)

Hey Shakeira... Thanks for your response.  It absolutely helps to know I'm not alone!
I've started back working out at the pool 90 minutes a day.  So all I need to do now is detox from white carbs and sugar (not an easy feat!!) and never start back up with them again.  I'm like a drug addict when it comes to white carbs and sugar.  I can't stop, once I start I want more and more.

Have a great day!