Body Image
I am new to this forum and was a bit tenous to post, but figure it is probably the best place to get an answer to my question. I am 13 months post-op and am considered a success by my program as I have lost 75% of my excess body weight and now rather than focusing on a number am focusing on building, then toning muscle in the hopes of firming up some of the saggy skin.
Okay, so for my question, I am wondering if your body image/perception ever syncs up with reality? To clarify, I have a difficult time accepting the fact that friends and family members are telling me to go out and play the field (I am single...well in a complicated "non-relationship") because I can have any guy I want. I still cannot wrap my mind around this concept...that I can have any guy I want....huh, me the girl who couldn't get a guy to even dance when in school. I think when it comes down to it the person I see in the mirror still doesn't register in my mind as being me or as being that pretty. So, can anyone share if they have been able to gt past this hurdle and any tricks you might have that could possibly help.
Thanks much!
Nicole
Okay, so for my question, I am wondering if your body image/perception ever syncs up with reality? To clarify, I have a difficult time accepting the fact that friends and family members are telling me to go out and play the field (I am single...well in a complicated "non-relationship") because I can have any guy I want. I still cannot wrap my mind around this concept...that I can have any guy I want....huh, me the girl who couldn't get a guy to even dance when in school. I think when it comes down to it the person I see in the mirror still doesn't register in my mind as being me or as being that pretty. So, can anyone share if they have been able to gt past this hurdle and any tricks you might have that could possibly help.
Thanks much!
Nicole
"When you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."
Nicole,
Congratulations on your success!
Body image is something we all struggle with. I believe it's simply a matter of time. As you begin to realize all the things the healthy you can do, your self-confidence will increase. You'll slowly become aware that you look as good as you feel.
All the compliments help too! LOL!
Michele
Congratulations on your success!
Body image is something we all struggle with. I believe it's simply a matter of time. As you begin to realize all the things the healthy you can do, your self-confidence will increase. You'll slowly become aware that you look as good as you feel.
All the compliments help too! LOL!
Michele
It takes time! I am just now really understanding that I am indeed smaller. I look at my clothes when I do laundry and think these are not mine! Or, look at the size in the pants and think the store screwed up. It's weird! I find that I get angry a lot....then men that stop & hold the door open for me, or run to help me at a store or ask me despite my wedding ring, or the skinny girl in the store dresing room who ask me what I think about this dress...BEFORE none of this happened to me & all these peole **** me off.....I know it will take time! I did a lot of reading: Eat, Pray, Love: The Alchemist; Man's Search for Meaning; Tuesday's with Morrie all looking for the "answer" & it just takes time is all I can see~ Holli
Highest~ 267/ Surgery~ 253/Current~133/ GOAL 130
August 31, 2006 ~ Gastric Bypass~December 19, 2008 ~Tuck with muscle repair~December 16, 2009 ~ Tummy Tuck revision (loosened skin as a result of stretch marks), Mons reduction, Mini Inner Thigh Lift, BL/BA to Full C from AA :)~December 18, 2013 ~ Butt Lift and brachioplasty~Completed by Dr. Wang-Ashraf at Artisan Plastic Surgery in Atlanta, Georgia.
"No day, but today", RENT...Johnathan Larson
Hello Nicole :)
Saggy skin is just that, skin. Toning muscles under the skin will not have much effect on the skin if it is visibly damaged or stretched. You will gain back some elasticity over time and your skin will tighten around you. It may never be "normal" but its likely not done healing yet. It takes years for your body to recover from obesity effects.
Body image is almost an oxymoron since it occurs in the mind and not the body. I have known very thin women with terrible body image and very heavy women with amazing body image. Physical wellness does not equal mental wellness. If you have a body image that does not actually match your body you will need to work on this, as most of us do in our own little ways. One thing I do is leave my webcam on all the time. Seeing the new me constantly lets my brain get used to what I look like. Losing almost 200 pounds means literally not looking the same. If I go too long without my daily visual exercises I still have a moment of "wtf?" when I look in the mirror (at 2.5 years post op).
I have to disagree with the advice of your very well meaning friends/family. Being thin does open doors that were previously closed. It does NOT keep them open. You are who you are no matter what body you live in. I say this because many people believe all of their lifes problems were the result of obesity and therefore losing the weight means now they are problem free. Playing the field is a good option for you to feel out the opposite sex and see what you want in a companion, but never believe you can have "any guy you want" just because youre outwardly more mainstream attractive. Since youve already mentioned body image issues, I imagine you have a lot of hurt inside that needs to be addressed before you are really in a position to know what you want in terms of a mate.
Losing weight is just the first step in getting "normal" post op. There is much work left to be done ;) We all go through this and it takes a lot longer than the normal folks have any clue. I often feel like the biggest girl everywhere I go, at 140 pounds and 5'7... in my mind Im quite often still taking up 330 pounds of personal space :(
Good luck and HUGS
PK
Saggy skin is just that, skin. Toning muscles under the skin will not have much effect on the skin if it is visibly damaged or stretched. You will gain back some elasticity over time and your skin will tighten around you. It may never be "normal" but its likely not done healing yet. It takes years for your body to recover from obesity effects.
Body image is almost an oxymoron since it occurs in the mind and not the body. I have known very thin women with terrible body image and very heavy women with amazing body image. Physical wellness does not equal mental wellness. If you have a body image that does not actually match your body you will need to work on this, as most of us do in our own little ways. One thing I do is leave my webcam on all the time. Seeing the new me constantly lets my brain get used to what I look like. Losing almost 200 pounds means literally not looking the same. If I go too long without my daily visual exercises I still have a moment of "wtf?" when I look in the mirror (at 2.5 years post op).
I have to disagree with the advice of your very well meaning friends/family. Being thin does open doors that were previously closed. It does NOT keep them open. You are who you are no matter what body you live in. I say this because many people believe all of their lifes problems were the result of obesity and therefore losing the weight means now they are problem free. Playing the field is a good option for you to feel out the opposite sex and see what you want in a companion, but never believe you can have "any guy you want" just because youre outwardly more mainstream attractive. Since youve already mentioned body image issues, I imagine you have a lot of hurt inside that needs to be addressed before you are really in a position to know what you want in terms of a mate.
Losing weight is just the first step in getting "normal" post op. There is much work left to be done ;) We all go through this and it takes a lot longer than the normal folks have any clue. I often feel like the biggest girl everywhere I go, at 140 pounds and 5'7... in my mind Im quite often still taking up 330 pounds of personal space :(
Good luck and HUGS
PK
327/318/150/ start/surgery/goal
**Current Weight 149 pounds**
I *AM* the PK
**Current Weight 149 pounds**
I *AM* the PK
Nicole,
My surgery was in August 2005. I still can't wrap my head around the fact that I'm much smaller. I've even had several years of therapy and it still catches me off guard. I'm very protective of folks who have weight problems because I never forgot where I came from. I'm no longer invisible and can't believe folks are calling me "little one". Some days I do realize I'm tiny and praise God for the miracle of the surgery and go work out at the rec center or CURVES. It takes a while for us to assimilate our new body image after years of seeing the other person in the mirror. Lu
My surgery was in August 2005. I still can't wrap my head around the fact that I'm much smaller. I've even had several years of therapy and it still catches me off guard. I'm very protective of folks who have weight problems because I never forgot where I came from. I'm no longer invisible and can't believe folks are calling me "little one". Some days I do realize I'm tiny and praise God for the miracle of the surgery and go work out at the rec center or CURVES. It takes a while for us to assimilate our new body image after years of seeing the other person in the mirror. Lu
I'm almost 5 years out and still have problems with body image altho it is better than at first. What hit me was the "invisable" thing. The first time a male sales clerk flirtted with me, I almost passed out! And mind you, I'm old (56). When I was obese, I didn't realize that no one really saw me. Once I had lost the weight, I understood.
I am completely in your shoes. I too am now 14 months out and the mind game is winning for me. When i went to a shrink pre-surgery for my surgeons pre-op stuff, she said i would probably need to have some therapy after/throughout and recommended support groups, i now believe she is/was right, although i still haven't followed through. Despite encouraging remarks and compliments from good friends and close family i am still plagued by what i see in the mirror and what i think in my head.
I've been doing more things to try and feel good about myself. I started taking Flamenco dancing classes, just because i think it's beautiful and it's different and something i'm enjoying. Absorb yourself in pursuing things that give you something to be proud of about yourself aside from your physical changes. Perhaps pursue some counseling. And know you're not alone.
I've been doing more things to try and feel good about myself. I started taking Flamenco dancing classes, just because i think it's beautiful and it's different and something i'm enjoying. Absorb yourself in pursuing things that give you something to be proud of about yourself aside from your physical changes. Perhaps pursue some counseling. And know you're not alone.
I started seeing a therapist that specialized in body dysmorphia at about a year post-op - where you are now - because the reactions of other people had begun to get to me. It did me a world of good.
For the most part - 9 times out of 10, my image of myself syncs with what I actually look like. There is still that one time, though, where I'll be startled by who I see in the mirror or in the store window. It's always a pleasant startle, though.
It gets better, but like everyone else here has said, it takes time. Call your insurance company for a recommendation for a therapist. Ask specifically for a body dysmorphia specialist. Good luck!
For the most part - 9 times out of 10, my image of myself syncs with what I actually look like. There is still that one time, though, where I'll be startled by who I see in the mirror or in the store window. It's always a pleasant startle, though.
It gets better, but like everyone else here has said, it takes time. Call your insurance company for a recommendation for a therapist. Ask specifically for a body dysmorphia specialist. Good luck!
sw:298/cw:152/no goal set
"Differences of habit and language are nothing at all if our aims are identical and our hearts are open." --J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
"Differences of habit and language are nothing at all if our aims are identical and our hearts are open." --J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Boy do I understand this one! I still feel really big. I'm 18 months out and 108 pounds, a size 0 or a 2 depending on the clothes, but I still look for black or slimming styles all the time and still feel really big. Sometimes when I try on clothes, I pick things clearly too big and them am startled when they just hang on me. It's really strange. I do find there is nothing that can be done about the skin other than plastic surgery, which I can't afford, so that makes me sad. I wonder how many of us out there still feel this way?
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