I knew the hate was coming! But not this soon!

I have a serious situation going on at W**k.  Here is the back ground information: A new co-worker was hired in July 2008 and she is a WLS patient who has failed with her surgery.This co-worker appears to weigh over 700 pounds. This co-worker was bragging to my co-workers that she had WLS about 5 years ago and lost about 300lbs. This co-worker has since gained all the weight back and now she is 4 months pregnant with her 4th child. The other co-workers are always telling her that I am a true Diva , a , who is bubbly, fun, full of life, and brightens up the office. They also have told this co-worker that I don't eat any junk or drink sodas. This co-worker has watched me eat small meals and snacks that I bring in my cooler. She is  her eyes a me and is slow to speak.
This co-worker spends her work hours eating real sugar (she denied to me tha she eat sugar, drink sodas, and eat fried foods).   She was not trueful.

This co-worker questioned me to see if I followed all of my doctor's rule for being successful with my WLS and I stated that I did. She then stated that she wanted to have a revision after she has her baby. My co-worker also stated that she would like to have her revision 2 days after having her baby.


I was told today by my 's that she could not stand me and would never speak to me. Now that I have reflected on the times I spoke to her, I do remember her not smiling or saying a word. I was shocked and  when I heard this. I have become a strong, confident, fun, loving ,  energetic person since I had WLS. I have lost 146 pounds since my WLS almost 4 years and I have not gained a pound.

Is she jealous?
Have I become something she wants to be?
Is she mean?
Is she unhappy?


How should I handle this co-worker?

Has anyone experience this from a co-worker?

Looking for suggestions from my OH.

Tammie

Tammie,

I think it's pretty clear that your co-worker who had WLS may well be intimidated by your success.  She may feel it's a direct hit to her lack of the same.  It's not something you caused or can probably even do anything about.  She already knows what she's doing (eating the wrong things) and she knows what the effects are (weight gain).  She also could have had the surgery without appropriate training or followup.........who knows.   Is she mean?  Maybe.  Is she unhappy?  Most definitely.  I suggest holding up your head and smiling her to death (figuratively speaking, of course).  :)  IOW, just be yourself.

~~Gail~~

Tammie,
Yes, this lady is jealous & unhappy and sees in you everything she was hoping & dreaming of for herself.  No doubt about it.  Even though her lack of long-term success is of her own doing, ya gotta feel a little sorry for her because we can all just imagine how she must be feeling. 

Obviously, you get along great w/ your other co-workers, and they think a lot of you and have a good understanding of how you eat & why--and can certainly see the results.  It sounds like you've done everything right, so I'd say just keep doing/saying the same as always. 

Don't let this new person steal your happiness.  I know (from experience--but nothing to do w/ my wls) that it is miserable to work with someone who is unpleasant (or worse).  Probably nothing you can do except just try to realize where's she's coming from and try to get along as best as you can.  The less you have to be around her, the better.  You know this doesn't really have anything to do with YOU; it has everything to do with HER lack of long-term success & how she is choosing to deal with it. 

Most likely she is a very unhappy person and if she didn't dislike you for your success with your weight loss, she would probably find something else.  People like that cannot be happy for others, which is a very sad place indeed!  

I have faced similar situations and I finally decided that life is short and there are plenty of people out there who do like me and know I'm genuine.  I don't waste time with the others, which is not to say I don't talk to them or am rude, I just don't invest in them.  I treat them like I would a stranger that I met on the street, cordial and polite, but guarded.  I will not sink to their level and be hateful, but I also will not make myself vulnerable to them.   

You're a wonderful success story and you sound like a fun, vibrant, friendly person.  That's going to rub some people the wrong way, but it's 100% their problem.  Good luck with finding a way to handle this petty person. 

I feel sorry for her - obviously she has a serious problem with food, and sees you as a constant reminder of what she has failed to do.  Seeing you probably re-inforces her feelings of beign a failure and inadequacy.

That said, it is no excuse for her to me mean to you!

Anyway, I suggest, if you are able, to come in the opposite spirit - give kindness, instead of meanness, give a smile instead of a blank face, everything she gives you, give back to her the opposite 100fold.  It may not change the situation, but it will change you.

At the end of the day, she is responsible for her actions, you are responsible for yours.  Hope the situation changes for you soon.  Maybe she really does need a shoulder to lean on from someone who understands, and maybe she does need a revision, together with other support?

Yep, lead by example.  Just keep on being yourself.  So just be there, silently show her how it should be done and that it CAN be done. 

Sometimes people say what they think they should say ie: gonna have revision after having her baby.  Having revision surgery won't work either if she isn't ready. 

We all know, if we didn't have our head on straight, if we weren't ready for WLS, it would not have worked.

Not only is she jealous of your success and maintenance but she's angry at herself and ashamed that she could not be successful like you are. It's about 50/50 jealous and angry..

Seeing you being successful makes her hate herself even more. That's why she hates you. She doesn't really hate you but hates herself.

I hate it that you're dealing with this. I think we all get some of it. Just be as nice to the lady as you can and don't stoop to her level. You should be so proud of yourself for all the work you're doing - don't let anybody take that away from you. So many people think they can have WLS, the weight will just fall off and stay off. Wouldn't that be great? I know 2 people that had WLS right after me - they didn't lose all the weight they wanted to lose and they've gained most of it back already. So I get the dirty looks too, but I am working hard to maintain, so sh** on them. Now, that was dirty. I just said you shouldn't be that way to your co-worker. It's hard not to vent about it though.

Tammie,

All good words of wisdom.  The sad reality is you can't fix her choices.  I am learning to remove myself from toxic situations that upset me.  As a formerly obese person, I struggled horribly with the people-pleasing lifestyle that comes from low self esteem.  I am not bursting with self esteem now, but I can recognize when it is the trigger.  I have made some tough choices to remove those influences from my life, where I can.  Those situations where I cannot remove myself, I dilute the impact as best I can.

Hopefully your work environment is large enough to be away from this person as much as possible.  If you are in a setting with her, include other people to deflect some of the negative energy.

I recently removed myself from a favorite on line forum because of the harshness to my own well-being.  Yes, it came with some costs to me (losing the good with the bad) but I am infinitely better off without the constant negative drum in my head.  It has got to be about my well-being, too.

Vicky

forgive my french but shes just a stupid dumb *****! LOL..sorry but i have no patience for ppl like this...ignore her and congrats on YOUR weight loss!