What would YOU have done?

Last week, my boyfriend and I were on a weekend vacation with another couple.  They have been friends with my man for years, but only recently have we all started to get together more often.  They do not know that I had WLS, and only know me to look this way.  So, last weekend, during a  group conversation (over a meal, no less) the subject turned to weight, and gastric bypass surgery and some very negative opinions were expressed.  Negative opinions of the surgery, the people who get it, and the work involved to get the weight off and keep it off.  Now, I know that these are not informed people, so I let them talk and didn't tell of my experience.  My boyfriend kept shooting me looks as if to say "are you going to say something?....anything?"  But I didn't.  And now, I don't know why.

So, my question to all is, what would YOU have done?  Would you have defended your choice to have the surgery and the struggle you endured afterwards to prove that it's not the "easy" way out (for the record, I hate when people call it that), or would you just have let well enough alone, because really it was YOUR choice, and it's none of anyone else's business? 

I would have made some broad supportive statements about the subject learned from your very truthful perspective.  It doesn't sound like these friends are deserving or ready for you to share your personal medical decision.  My surgeon counseled me that it isn't my personal responsibility to educate and convince any one of the truths I have learned on my own journey just because the people talking are ignorant on the subject and could use a shut up from me.  Sharing medical information is very personal and not an obligation on your part to teach others or defend yourself.  It's for the people who you love and feel loved by that you may feel ready to share with.  Dinner with newer friends does not obligate an unvieling of all subjects personal to you.  I have people I love and trust that I just wasn't ready to share with.  This situation doesn't sound like one of those times, it was just tempting to let them know how much they don't know and the idea is tempting, but it comes at a personal cost.  Feeling the need to do that can get exhausting and as my surgeon told me, it's not my job to be the poster person for WLS.  I am not ashamed of it, and further down the road I am much more open about it, but sometimes and with some people I don't feel like sharing and don't.  Boyfriend needs to understand this and support your very personal medical information, without any pressure or shooting of looks.  Save his looks for ones of pride and ohlaa behind closed doors to get you to move on from any annoying moment like that one you were in. 

I needed my own time to let the WLS surgery unfold without the scrutiny of others watching the process.  It's personal whether to tell or not tell.  It had nothing to do with shame or thinking people would think I took an easy way out.  I just didn't need to burden myself with any one elses issues or opionions.  It was kind of my delicious secret as my new world came into view.  Later, it was easier to decide who and when I talked about it.

 I would have spoken up. I'm proud of the progress I and my friends have made and take all opportunities to defend the surgery.  People can be ignorant, but they won't see truth unless we speak up. I'm not ashamed or afraid. Yes its hard to maintain, but the truth is the truth.  Heart surgery is great, but people die with it too.  
This being said, we are all individuals.  What is right for me may not be right for you. Don't beat yourself up. Your decision was right for you at that time.  Just never give up....don't go back to letting food control you.  I am sure you will impact people you choose to tell and that is wonderful!

My attitude and opinion may change later, down the road, but for now I would have - and do - choose to handle it the same way.  If they didn't know me pre-WLS then I just don't tell.  I get tired of defending it.  It's not my cause and there are more important things for me to fight for.  However, if the person were MO and considering WLS for themselves and had received the wrong information I would have jumped on it.  Maybe not right there at dinner, but I would have asked them to meet me later for a private chat. 

I agree.  I think you handled it correctly.  Even general knowledge comments would have invited a discussion that could have gotten heated.  You may decide to mention something at a later date, if you ALL become close friends. 

But I think we should all lead by example.  If we don't talk negatively about anyone's personal decisions about anything, maybe others will stop as well.  You know the old 'walk a mile in my shoes' argument.

I might have tried something along the lines of:

You know, I've seen a lot of people who have WLS regain weight.  Obviously, it can help some people but for others there are other issues like psychology that prevent them from losing weight.  I think its a chance for those who can make real changes to improve their life; but, since some people continue to struggle, it is no cure.

Its more defending WLS from a position of informed anonymity.

Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig. - Anonymous

I try to remember this quote when people frustrate me

You were very strong to be able to listen to such ignorance and not comment.

well hard for me to jud ge because i told everyone and still do.  its a part of my life and for now im maintaining my weight..  many people think this is an easy out, but that shows how uninformed they are.

i would have said something but thats your personal choice.

be safe and well, jacki

A similar situation happened to me not too long ago, and my response was actually quite automatic.  I told them (very nicely) that I had actually had the surgery and explained a bit about WLS.  I finished saying that I myself didn't think much of WLS before I researched it.  Some of the people at the table asked a couple questions - then the conversation just sort of eased into other topics.

Cathy C.

Its a personal choice how to answer. Most of the people I'm around know that I had wls~some are supportive, some are not~but that's their personal choice. I'm a pretty open book and am happy to talk to anyone about wls, but I'm comfortable with it~if you're not comfortable sharing your personal info then that's ok! There's no right or wrong answer here. What did your boyfriend say about it afterwards? Was he upset that his friends acted that way? Just out of curiosity, were these people of normal weight? overweight? I wonder about that b/c sometimes people of "normal" weight really don't know or understand the struggle. Sometimes people with a weight problem get upset b/c of their own personal struggle.