I've really been struggling lately ... xpost

Hi Wanda,

Thanks for your perspective and I'll try to adjust mine. I have to say that it wasn't the 'toast' that was the real problem. It was the way I DEVOURED it that unnerved me. I thought that I had some mechanisms to help me control my behavior better and I think realizing that I was soooo far out of control, really unnerved me. The good thing is that today is another day and I'm doing better. I've only had a couple of mini-melt downs today and didn't devour any food while in the midst of a meltdown.

Thanks again for your thoughts and support,

Barb

I hear what you're saying.  But you know, we're human. We're gonna mess up but really in reality, you didn't cuz you caught your behavior before it really did a 180 on ya and you continued down that ugly road.  You saw it for what it was and maybe it got a toe in the door but you stopped it before it got it's whole frickin foot in there!  So take credit for having the courage to see it for what it was.  I think we're so quick to beat ourselves up on stuff but slow to pat ourselves on the back, aren't we?  I lost 200 + lbs but it took me rewarding myself with a trip and a new gaming computer (yes  Dr. Phil I'm a World of Warcraft junkie...lol) before I allowed myself to put closure to the losing part of this journey and begin my road of maintenance. 

It's really weird the mind games we do isn't it?  That whole cup half empty/half full thing?  We just gotta learn what works for us and play the mind game if it  helps us maintain our health I think......

Thank you Carol.

Barb

 Thank you for your honesty.  I also struggle with depression and find myself drawn to the tried and true old "best friends" but like you, I am also deeply disappointed and also ashamed of myself that some of my old demons still come back to haunt me.  The difference now is that I recognize the red flags and can reflect on what's driving the need to stuff and I'm working with a therapist and trying out medications (no luck so far) to get this manageable before I find myself just shy of 400# again.  I once heard it said on the boards that this is not brain surgery and at the time I laughed it off, but it is true, until I re-learn healthy coping mechanisms I will be challenged.  Good luck to you and best wishes for peace and comfort!