Where do I begin????
I know that I just posted about my 1 Year Surgiversary, and yes everything is good as far as that goes. I admit if i didn't have the surgery I would probably be 400 Lbs by now,
Where do I Begin? Well here goes, the reason why I say I would probably be 400LBS by now is because food was my stress releaver, which am sure a lot of you know about. This is going to be a long story, but if anyone out there is willing to here my cry, please read on!!!! I really need some advise.
You see about 25 years ago I married the wrong man, because of a low self-esteem problem. Anyway, we had 4 children together, he was a jailbird, and I was a battered wife. I finally got away from him 16 years ago and divorced him. I raised my 4 children by myself, I was not brought up to hit my children, and I didn't have the heart too. I tried punishing them but they just wouldn't listen to me they have no respect for me. It doesn't matter what I do for them, they are so ungreatful.
My oldest daughter does live on her own, she never really gave me to much trouble, she did make the mistake of having kids young so she always needs me to help her. My second daughter is so hard headed like her father, that she drove me crazy, she is always getting in trouble with the the law, that last year I had to get custody of her 5 year old son. My son has been getting locked up since he is 13, and now is 19 and is locked up again. My youngest daughter is 16, and she is driving me crazy too. They have no respect for me.
Well anyway, while I was raising them, I actually got my life together, and worked, and went to school full-time. I am an Office Manager for a big company now. I have definitely come a long way. My second daughter is finding her way back to my house , everytime I turn around, and she won't respect my rules, and I don't want to call the cops. I can't help it, but I hate this big heart of mine. My son is about to come out of jail, and he is probably going to come back home again, I defintely don't want him there because he is always up to no good. They don't work, and and I can't afford to take care of them. I have my grandson there, and am trying to give him a better life. I really didn't want to get custody of him, because I didn't want to raise anymore children, having his mother there gives me free time a lot because she does stay with him most of the time, but I can't take her ****!!! Excuse me for cursing. My youngest daughter is goiing in the same path as my middle two children, and I want to find some king of group home for girls for her. I can't live like this anymore!!!! I don't need such a big apartment anymore, but I do love my apartment, and don't want to move just to get a way from them. I was thinking of just packing my stuff, and my grandson's stuff, and just taking off somewhere, what do I do!!!! Thanks for reading, if you respond!!!!
Melissa C
You're in my prayers.
I cannot begin to imagine what your life is like, but here is my opinion - not in any way meant to be judgemental.
It sounds to me like you have always put everyone else first and you last? If you can't stand up against the behaviour of your (almost) grown children for yourself then you MUST do it for your grandchild. He needs a stable environment and needs to see you being respected and treated how you know you should be. You also NEED to do make this change for your children's sake - they still need you to guide them into adulthood and to become responsible members of the community. If you allow them to stay on the same track they are on, you are allowing them to throw their lives away.
It's very difficult to change the way a relationship works - you have allowed your children to act towards you this way and they will be very resistant to change. Begin to build your boundaries slowly, step by step. Are there any community programs near that you can get help/advice from? Churches often have this kind of help...
Having said all that, I KNOW you know all this - I wish I had a magic wand to wave and make it all better for you. Sadly life is not like that, and it is a lot of hard work. I hope you find the help you need, or the way out that you seek - blessings to you
You do have a big heart but it also sounds like you have no respect for yourself at this time. IF your kids continue to disrespect you and you accept it, then you are saying "it's OK to treat me like crap". Let me tell you like I tell my nieces that I love to death. PEOPLE WILL GIVE YOU EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE WILLING TO TAKE. If you refuse to accept crap, they will have to change their behavior.
I applaude you for what you've done with your life. You should be proud and hold that head up! But, it sounds like the kids learned early on that they don't have to do what their mom says. You are of the age that you need to take care of yourself and your kids need to learn to be responsible adults.
If you REALLY don't want your son to come live with you, say so. If you want him to get a job FIRST, then say so and stand by the decision!
Is your oldest making a living for herself and her kids? I can understand helping her but not to the extent of your own future.
If your employer has an employee plan, get some counseling to learn how to deal with your youngest daugther so she doesn't go down the same path. Take the time to do that...even if you don't take her along. You have to learn to stick up for YOURSELF...just like you did with the ex. Be brave. Sometimes, you have to have tough love. and that is hard to do!
Dianne from FL
SW / GW / CW 5'10"
306 / 165 / 140
With the DS: there is no stoma, so no stoma strictures; there are no limitations (other than volume) against drinking before, during or after meals; 80% of ingested fat is malabsorbed; 98.9% of type II diabetics are CURED of this devastating disease, with data showing stable cure over 10 years out; there is the best average weight loss and most durable (average 76% excess weight loss going out 10 years) of all of the bariatric surgeries. That's why I had a DS!
