Question from someone about to have RNY gastric bypass...

I was ok (except for dying from caffeine withdrawal) and ready for surgery (scheduled for Monday 7/14****il today when my surgeon's office called to move me up to earlier in the day.  I asked what happened to the woman who was before me (because I had a class with her and had messaged with her on here) and they said she cancelled. For some reason, it got me worried.  I'm on a pre-op clear liquid diet and I'm miserable.  Will I ever again be able to have a piece of my child's birthday cake?  Will I be able to enjoy cook outs with my family?  Will I, from now on, look at other people eating and feel deprived and jealous?  I don't want to be in the position of going to my mother-in-law's house for Sunday dinner and not being able to eat any of the WONDERFUL southern food she cooks. Is it worth it?  My mom says no and wants me to cancel.  I need some reassurance that life "after" isn't full of feelings of deprivation and longing. Thanks in advance for any answers you have.

do not cancel!!!!!!  this surgery will be a tool for you to achieve weight loss that will leave you healthier and happier in the long run. yes you will need to make some changes in your life, especially in the first year or so will you eat cake again, and go to cookouts?? of course you will.  however, you may find after the surgery, that your focus will change from the food at a party, to the joy of celebrating the occasion and feeling healthy. i am two years out at the end of july and i have lost 122 pounds and feel great.  i go everywhere including out to dinner with my hubby, about twice a week.  do i eat exactly what i used to, no, i dont.  am i feeling deprived?,  no im not.  plus, i have found new foods that i like that didnt work for me before the surgery. tomorrow night im going to a pool party, and while i may not be eating some of the junk i used to eat i will sample a little of everything im sure. this is a wonderful journey, go for it!!!! good luck, jacki

Yep, what Jacki said!!!

Hi Billie!  I am over 2 1/2 years post-op.  I had laproscopic RNY at Barix in Michigan.  I have lost 130 pounds.  Please believe me when I say that it will all be worth it.  Now when I look at other poeple eating, I don't think about what I'm missing, I think about how awful my eating habits used to be!  I happen to be one of those who can not tolerate alot of sugar, so I can't eat birthday cake.  I make sure that if there is a birthday celebration, I eat one of my favourites instead--like yogurt mixed with frozen blueberries (the closest I come to ice-cream).  Other than sugar, I can eat just about anything, but now it is in moderation.  It is very normal for our loved ones to be concerned for us.  This is a very very serious surgery and a life changing experience and it is not guaranteed to be without complications.  I had family who were very close to me ask if I thought that this was absolutely necessary.  My answer was, "I know I can die having this surgery, but I'm already dying--I'm just doing it slowly". Please don't cancel your surgery--I promise you it will be worth it!  

I don't think you should cancel, but maybe postpone it because if you're having doubts, you may not be completely ready.  During my pre-op experience, I dealt with similar feelings to yours.  I was fortunate enough to have to wait 3 months for my surgery date, which gave me time to go thru the motions of how I was going to deal with ending my unhealthy relationship with food, and developing a new one.  Honestly, we can give you all the advice and opinions we can, and you can continue to ask the people in your life what their thoughts about it are, but the answer lies with you and God.  Ask Him for the answer, or to give you a sign about what to do.  That's what I did, and if your eyes are open, you will see it.  Good luck to you.

Corinne

 

Bille

 

Do not canel I had my surgery 2 1/2 years ago and it was the best thing i ever did. If i had to do it all over again I will in a heart beat. I promise you when the weight start to fall off you will be so happy with yourself and feel good also. OH is the best place to be for support, everyone here is great. As far as the WONDERFUL southern food you will still be able to eat that just in moderations. I cook southern food every Sunday and holidays so I know where you coming from. You will be fine ......I will keep you in my prayers

hi billie

first of all.......TAKE A DEEP BREATH hehe ...you will be fine.  how do you feel right now? are you healthy? do you want to be healthy? is this surgery something that will prolong your life so that you can see as many of your child's birthdays as you can?? yes! 

my name is dawn, im 36 y.o and had the OPEN RNY on 02/16/05 (3.5 years ago) ..it SAVED my life..it CHANGED my life. the only thing i regret is that i didnt have it done sooner!  i was on thyroid supplementation and high blood pressure medications before surgery, since then ..ive not had to have either..i am not out of breath from just walking to the mailbox and back anymore..i am more active.....i am LIVING LIFE.  i would do it again in a hot second!

of course you are going to have second thoughts, of course you are anxious and scared, but i promise you that you will not regret it and will be happier and healthier after. am i telling you that its going to be a piece of cake?? NO.  this is something you will have to work at and its something you will have to work at for the rest of your life..you will be given a wonderful tool! there may be days when you question yourself ..but all in all, it will be a wonderful gift.

are you going to be able to eat your childs birthday cake again? sure. will you be able to eat half of it? NO.  lol   yes, you'll be able to enjoy cookouts and southern cooking..you just wont be able to overindulge as if you didnt have the surgery.  i still enjoy my favorite foods, my mom's homecooking..its just in moderation now. 

if this is something you really want, then you'll be fine.  you can do anything you put your mind to!

take care, congrats on your surgery date and keep your head up!!

-hugs-

 

You will have to make some sacrifices, that's for sure You sound so much like me. I wondered all those same things, even when they were sliding me onto the operating table, I wondered if I should jump off. It does take some getting used to, especially at first when you'll probably be on a pureed diet or something similar. Life goes on for everybody else, and you're sucking SF yogurt off a baby spoon. It will be several months before you feel like a normal person again, but it will happen. As for the birthday cake, maybe you can and maybe you can't. I can eat one or two bites of anything, but I'll get sick as the devil if I go past that. Sometimes it makes me mad, but then I remember how I felt when I weighed 340 pounds. I cook all the time for my family. I made some killer ribs for July 4th, potato salad, baked beans, chicken salad, peach cobber and vanilla ice cream. I ate one bite of the ribs, one bite of potato salad, a bite of the beans, and no cobbler or ice cream. When my pouch emptied I had some chicken salad (made with light mayo) on a piece of double-fiber wheat bread. And yes, I felt deprived for a few minutes. But 10 minutes later, when I was loading the dishwasher, I was glad I didn't eat the sweets. You have to make some trade-offs to get and stay at a healthy weight. My guess is that you'll find it's worh it.

I would never tell you YOU NEED TO HAVE SUGERY or YOU DON'T NEED TO CANCEL.  I don't know you and/or your mental stability at this time.  So I don't KNOW that you NEED to have surgery NOW and I don't KNOW that you don't NEED to cancel NOW. 

What I WILL tell you is that EVERYONE (who I have seen) on here who has canceled has regretted it and RESCHEDULED within 6 months.  Does that mean YOU shouldn't reschedule?  No.  It simply means what it says. 

I will tell you that personally, the 2 week pre-op liquid diet was the WORST PART OF MY ENTIRE JOURNEY.  I was hungry for solid food constantly.  I had headaches.  I was irritable and overall just miserable.  But then I had surgery. 

This surgery changed the way I was able to deal with food.  It gave me an OPPORUNITY to gain CONTROL - something I had been previously unable to do. 

I don't know if you will ever ben able to enjoy a piece of your kid's birthday cake post-op (without paying for it by dumping).  Noone, even your surgeon can tell you that.  About 50% of post-op RNYers dump.  Noone, including your surgeon, will know whether or not YOU will dum*****t until you either experience it or you don't post-op. 

Will you be able to enjoy cook-outs with your family?  Sure.  I do.  I don't do it ALL THE TIME.  But when they have one, I go and I eat.  (The last cookout we had, I ate 1/2 a grilled hamburger without the bun and 1/2 a grilled hot dog without the bun.)  I enjoyed the family time (and the burger and hot dog) immensely.  They were so high in fat and calories that I compensated with my other meals for the day, but that was quite easy to do. 

Will you look on at other people eating and feel deprived and jealous?  I have no idea what you will feel post-op and neither does anyone else.  I can tell you that I eat when I am with other people and it's mealtime.  Do I mindlessly eat until I'm uncomfortable the way I would have done in the past?  No.  Because I don't want to BE that morbidly obese woman I was in the past.  Is it a nuissance sometimes to have to monitor what I eat and/or drink when others around me seem to mindless eat without ever gaining a pound.  Sure it is!  Am I jealous that they can do that?  Sure I am.  Who WOULDN'T want to be able to mindlessly eat and/or drink anything they wanted all day long and never have to worry about gaining a pound?  But that is not ME and it NEVER WILL BE.  That is MY reality.  So I made a choice that I would rather live a longer and healthier life by watching what, when and how I eat/drink than I would to be a unhealthy morbidly obese woman with a much shorter life-expectancy who mindlessly eats and/or drinks all day long. 

Will you be able to go to your mother-in-law's house for Sunday dinner and not be able to eat any of the WONDERFUL southern food she cooks?  I have no idea.  I don't know how and/or what she cooks.  And even if I did, I probably couldn't predict whether or not you will be able to tolerate her food post-op.  You may be able to eat some of what she cooks.  Or you may have to BRING ALTERNATIVE forms of what she is making WITH you to eat while everyone else eats her versions.  I have no idea and you may not even know until you are post-op. 

 I will tell you NOT to let ANYONE ELSE, including your MOM tell you what YOUR life is worth.  You are obese.  Your life expectancy is LOWER because of it.  Weight loss surgery will probably EXTEND your life. 

Is OVERCONSUMPTION of food worth dying sooner over?  Is overeating worth years off your life?  To me, it wasn't.  To you, it may be.  But it is a decision that ONLY YOU (not even your MOTHER) can make.

(Note:  My mother was scared of me having WLS too.  Now that I have, SHE is in the process of doing her pre-op stuff done to get HER RNY.)

Good luck with whatever you choose. 

you must be at peace with whatever you choose to do.

do you know why the other patient cancelled? maybe she had a tooth ache? or a urinary tract infection? or a family scheduling conflict?  i wouldnt make my decision based on what someone else who had to cancel for whatever reason.  the docotrs office is not legally allowed to tell you why she cancelled - so it could have been anything.

why does your mother want you to cancel? is she afraid for your health? has she had rny? and regretted it? is she skinny and doesnt understand?

yes, you will eventually be able to eat whatever you want - in moderation - at least most of us can. the real question is - will you want to? probably not.  there are times that i take a sliver of cake - and it gives me gas - but, not right away - it is something i can deal with when the party is over. do i eat bbq - yes, regularly - we are smoking briskets right now - i can eat a dab of potatoe salad with it and a few beans - but, i love the bbq so much that i reallly focus on the protien anyway -

i cant tell you what to do - but, i can tell you what my experience is -

i love my rny - it has changed my life - literally - and the things i was worried about missing are the least of my worries - today my big concern is whether i want to wear the size 10 capri pants or the size 8 jeans? hummmmmmmmmmm

just like you cant make that decision for me - i cant make your surgery decision for you - but, i can tell you - that - i have never looked back - there are a handful of people who have " buyers remorse" the first few days after surgery - but, that will pass

will you miss some food - probably not - will you find new things that you love - absolutely - when we went to a bbq on july 4th friends were eating cake and drinking beer etc = but, i didnt care - i thought i looked so cute in my little outfit and everyone was having a fit over how "great" i looked - it helped me make the right choices when it came time to fill our plates - i put some brisket on my plat and a little potatoe salad and some beans - 

it has been about 15 or 16 months since i had surgery - i thought that dealing with the holidays would be hard - but, it wasnt - i focussed on turkey and ham - man - was it yummy

and i ate just a tablespoon or two of dressing and i ate some salad and veggies - no problems

it was so fun getting dressed up for christmas  - and by having surgery in the summer - you should be ready for some new clothes before christmas =)

do what your heart tells you - not what i tell you = or your mom tells you. 

i dont know your mom - but, my mom contributed to my wt problem - not because she wanted to destroy me - but, because it made her feel good to feed me and love on me - but, there are other ways to share love than to make someone morbidly obese -

well, she didnt MAKE me morbidly obese - but, i have to say that my family did their part to contribute to it

go with your heart - and you will nto regret it

kf