Special Dinners with Family

Hi Everyone, I tend to stay on the VSG forum as I just had surgery 11 days ago but I thought I would post this out at the one year later people for a reply or two. I was wondering since so many people say that they have kept their surgery to themselves, what has happened when they have gone to special functions with family say like Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter etc.  Where the focus is so much around sitting to a meal and the fact that we would be eating so much less and not drinking with our meals and oh, perhaps no alcohol what kind of reaction they get.  I have a sister that I am not that close to but since our weight would have always been an issue that families notice when we would change our habits so much.  I would tell her if she came right out and asked me because I hate lying but I might just say oh...I am totally watching how much I eat these days or something like that.  

What has happened with others?

Suzi

hi suzi and congrats on your surgery im not sure what to tell you, since im from the " i told everyone" school of thought. my family has been totally supportive, actually now my mom carries on that im too thin, which im not by the way. you have to find your comfort zone with this.  you also have to develop a bit of a thick skin sometimes, cause people have wierd reactions to a friend or family member losing weight. just remember this is about you, not about them.  its a joureny you are taking to better health, more energy and so on.  so, i would not lie to anyone asking you, but you certainly can chose how much you want to share, and when you want to share it.  that is your personal right. good luck and dont stress too much hugs, jacki by the way im two yearsout from RNY the end of this july and i lost 122 pounds and im loving it.

Hi Jacki,

Thanks for the words of wisdom.  I had a look at your profile to see your progress and there is nothing.  Oh well, 122 is so much you must feel so much better.  I am just starting the full liquid stage from the sleeve and doing fine so far.

Suzi

 

thats great, one step at a time and you will be fine. yeah sorry, im not into blogging or updating profiles. my energy only goes so far. again, lots of continued luck

When I first started my new job I didn't want everyone to know about my surgery.  I wasn't ashamed I just wanted everyone to know Me and not go on about my loss.  Well, I would fill half my plate with salad and then a smaller portion of meat.  I would eat the meat first, and then just pick at the salad. Keep the conversations up and no one well really notice.  I did finally share and it has been nice. You really need to just focus on you, You are going to feel great and so better you'll see that you'll shout it from the roof tops.  You don't have to lie just dance around the issue.  Love yourself and stay strong

I've told no one but immediate family and physicians (as needed). I just say I'm eating a lot less nowadays (if they knew me before). If it's someone I didn't know preop, I just say I've always been a small eater.

I tried not to let everybody in town know I was having WLS, but it got around anyway. Now that a couple of years have passed, I've met some people that didn't know me then, and they do seem to notice that I don't eat much and pass on certain things (I dump on greasy stuff and sugar). I wonder if they think I'm too "good" to eat chicken wings or something. I used to always spill it out, "I had gastric bypass" but I'm not so free with it anymore. Although the surgery did have a lot to do with me losing so much weight, I've had to literally work my a$$ off to get and stay here, so I don't 100% credit the surgery anymore, and it's not the world's business anyway. If you don't feel comfortable telliing people about your surgery, just tell them you've changed the way you eat. By the time the holidays get here, it will be pretty obvious to people that you've changed your eating habits. They may not even recognize you. :)

Hi Suzi, What I try to remember when people make dumb comments or push food and/or alcohol is that THEY have an issue with my decision not to imbibe. Usually people who don't have food or alcohol issues don't notice or care what others are eating/drinking. Even if someone comes right out and asks you, you can say, "Why is MY weight/eating/whatever so important to you?" That usually shuts them down quickly. Congratulations on your surgery!

I'm two years out this friday. I have a before picture of me posted on my cabinet at work for all to see. I've been very vocal about my surgery and they have been very vocal to me back..Some have said I'll gain it back. Alot of people thought it wasn't necessary but when they see me now compared to the before picture they can't believe it. That's motivation for me to stay on the straight and narrow and make SURE I dont' gain it back. Most people are curious and concerned but some are just mean and spiteful. I just ignore those people. My sister was always smaller than me until now. She's got a problem now about her weight and can't have a group photo taken of us, which is sad. I waited until just before surgery to tell my immediate family and then 6 months after to tell my other family in a Christmas Newsletter with photos...Mostly because I knew they would not approved and would try and talk me out of it.

Hi Suzi,

I think that you will need to do what is most comfortable for you. I have been very open about my surgery. My mother and sister were really against it in the beginning, but have been supportive. Actually, everyone that cares about me has been supportive. I have had people ask me if I'm okay or if I'm afraid that I'll regain the wieght. I answer them honestly. For me, this journey was so much about regaining my health and honestly getting smaller was a side benefit. It's one that I enjoy most of the time, but still have a hard time adjusting to some of the time. My sons and most of my family live on the west coast and I'm on the east coast now. While I sent photos and told 'em I was getting smaller, it's hard to realize what it looks like in person. I saw my sons and most of my husband's family when I was about 5 months out and they nearly dropped their teeth. Now I'm 13 months out and I'll be going back to CA for my sons wedding next month. No one has seen me in person ... they've seen photos, but in person apparently is very different. My mother lives in CA and came out in Feb to visit and just couldn't get over it.

I have to say that I'm not embarrased, nor do I apologize for my decision. It was a thoughtfully considered decision that I came to with the expert advice and support of my medical team ... just like you. I needed to get my health under control. It was clear that I wasn't able to do it for more than 30 years using 'conventional' methods and my health was 'suffering' with the onset of type 2 diabetes, sleep apnea, hypertension, and high cholesterol to name a few. I needed to something that gave me more than a 3 to 5% chance of long-term success to effectively reduce my excess weight and manage my health. While it's true that people can and do regain their weight, many do not and we have a much better statistical chance of leading a healthier life in the long-term with the decision and actions we have taken.

All of that said, it is such a personal decision as to whether to share 'how' you lost the weight. Personally, if directly asked, I do not lie, I let them know what I did. Many times people are very supportive and curious. Once in a blue moon, I get the 'oh, you took the easy way out' comment. My arguing with them, won't change their mind or perception. My response is usually, 'if that's what you think, okay, but I've lost the weight and have my health back and that's the most important thing to me.'

Realize that this is a journey. You may decide to handle things one way at one point in your journey and another way at a different junction. All will be well, no matter your decisions ... and they are after all, you decisions.

Congratulations on embarking on the journey of a lifetime.

Wishing you all the best,

Barb