XP: When the Scale Stops Moving, Forever. Pyschological/emotional difference n losing vs...

I just weighed this morning and I haven't lost anything so far this week (almost a full week since I weighed last).  

In fact, I am almost to the point of stopping loosing all together.  I am already below my (original and so far only) goal of 140.  I am already in the normal BMI range.  But I still feel sad that the losing will soon stop (or already has).  

When I was losing every week, it was kind of like a reward to see that lower number.  It was like reaffirmation that I was doing the right thing - that I was successful.  It was also a sign that things were getting better and better (because I was getting smaller and smaller).  

If I wasn't satisfied with the way I looked or felt that week, I could take comfort in the fact that I was still getting smaller - so things might look and/or feel better NEXT week.  (I still have days where I feel like a total cow.)  

I got in the habit of always buying clothes (especially pants) that were too tight - because they may not have fit THAT DAY, but they would fit by the end of THAT WEEK.  (Because I was still losing.)

I admit that every week when I'd see that lower number, I got more and more excited.  I was too the point of being in awe of how low I could actually go.  Would I get to the 140s?  Then would I get to the 130s?  Now it's will I get to the 120s?  (I'm thinking maybe not now.  And that's disheartening.)

How do you deal with it when the losing stops?  I'm not talking about stopping before you get to goal where it would be healthy to lose more.  I think I'm at a pretty healthy weight now.  But I still want to lose more.  I'm not ready for it to stop.  Does that make sense?  

Maybe it's an unhealthy way to think and/or feel.  But I can't seem to help it right now.  I'm trying to work through it in my mind and my heart.  I just wasn't prepared for it to stop.  

Granted, it hasn't even been a week since I lost, so it may NOT have stopped.  But it is slowing down and will stop VERY soon if it hasn't already.  It is TIME for it to stop.  I know that in my mind.  I know that logically.  But emotionally, I'm not ready for it to stop.  

I got little "highs" every week when I weighed.  I don't know that I can get that from maintaining.  I don't know that I could get the same "high" from staying the same weight - even though logically I know that's great.  

Am I the only one to feel this way?  Is there something wrong with me maybe?  I don't know.  

When people ask me if I'm almost done losing or if the losses are slowing down, I tell them yes.  They invariably say, "Good.  You don't need to lose anymore."  I just smile and say something like, "Yea, I'm about ready for it to stop."  But that's a lie.  I'm not ready for it to stop.  I just don't want to look like I'm getting an eating disorder or something by telling them that I still want to keep going.  Back when I was in the 160s and 150s and they asked me that, I'd tell them that I wanted to lose 20 more pounds and they looked at me THEN like I was crazy.  I can't imagine how they'd look at me now if I told them I wanted more gone.  Hell, I don't even know if I'm sane to want more gone at this point.

Part of me really wants to see how low I can go.  Can I get to the 120s?  Can I get to the 110s?  I wouldn't be underweight yet until I get below 111 at 5'5.  But the logical part of me knows that BMI is not everything and I would probably be too small at 120.  I'd look sick and I don't want to look sick.  

But another part of me wants to just see how low I am capable of going anyway.  That's the part of me that gets that "high" every week when I weigh.  That's the part of me that is terrified of the loss stopping.  

I need to LEARN how to be happy with MAINTENANCE.  I need to LEARN to be just as happy BEING skinny as I have been GETTING skinny.  

That sounds easy doesn't it.  But for me, it is easier said than done.  As the loss slows down, I am getting more and more agitated.  I need help.

I've been where you are for a year. it's definitely something we've never had to deal with before. I was always on a diet. I was never happy with myself because of that stinkin number on the scale. I was happy when it went down and sad when it went up.  I'm just above the low threshhold of low BMI now at 5 ft 5 inches (BMI about 20.8). When people tell me that I'm too skinny, I LIKE that. It really is a different world than I'm used to living in...ObeCITY used to be my hometown...Now I'm trying to live in Maintown (maintain)  I have no suggestions for you at all. I just wanted you to know, I'm where you are and have been for a while. I'm trying to gradually gain a couple of pounds an get safely to 130..I'm at 122.8 as of this morning and that's down a pound from last week. I'm consuming about 1800-2300 calories a day, staying within the guidelines of RNY (no drinking after eating, no white carbs, mostly protein first) but I'm sliding alittle to try and see where I start gaining..It's really hard...

Wendy-well done-excellent post! This is where I am-or what I am heading toward. I am currently 163 with my "personal goal" of 150 (from 383!). This is the first two weeks EVER-in which I have not lost a lb. VERY strange-very unsettling. Everything you wrote is so very true. At some point-we MUST come to terms that we need to just "be" where we are and have some LIFE-it's no longer about "getting there..getting there..getting there". I also found a reward with the losing of lbs and felt happier. I don't have many answers right now-but I just wanted to thank you so very much-for this post. I would love to see more dialog about this. Peace, Therese

all change takes time and adjusting to stopping losing will too. I found that having a support group local and here on line was good. it wasn't until half way into my 3 year that I really stayed at this weight 130-132. I was liking being in the 120's but my body wants to stay here. I still wear size 4-5 and juniors sizes. Still work out and record what I eat. Like you I went far beyond goal because I knew my body would equalize out. For you, accept the way you feel and accept where you are now. Give yourself time to adjust. you are normal and far from being weird. keep up good habits, keep up vitamins and protein supplements and exercising and you will maintain in a healthy way. We are here to help you on!

wow I know how you feel.  I'm a year out and every morning the scale still says 140 My goal was 150.  I'm really happy here and feel so much healthier  but every time I get on the scale I hold my breath.  Praying that no weight has come back on.  I keep reading stories of gaining it back and I can tell you I'm terrified.  I can't go back to that life and I won't.  I measure everything.  Chew and log.  Seeing the scale go down is almost a relief.  "It isn't going up"   I need to remember that for me everyday has to be a true effort to watch everything that goes in my mouth. 

I'm actually happy the scale stopped going down.  While I get where you're coming from - because seeing the scale go down is definitely a heady feeling - I've always been afraid that I'd go too far and lose too much. For me, I found a place where I was happy.  I wasn't too big and I wasn't too small (although I'm smaller than I've ever been), I look good, and I can do all kinds of physical things that I couldn't before.  More than the looks, though, I'm happy with myself.   Sometimes, with the surgery doing the lion's share of the work for me, I'd forget that it was ME that took the steps to make this happen.  I was the one that took responsibility for my size and made the changes necessary to lose what I didn't need.  That's where I find my affirmation now - that who I am now is who I made myself.  I don't want to let myself down. And it is a high to step on the scale and find that I'm still in that same 5 pound range that I set myself.  I love seeing the scale stay the same and be able to eat the way I do.  That's a miracle that I'll never tire of. Another thing I'll never tire of?  Not having to give away my favorite clothes because I outgrew or undergrew them.  I love knowing that the clothes I bought this summer are still going to fit next summer.  I love that I can just add to my stylish wardrobe and not have to buy a whole new one or try to make do with a few bland neutral pieces. Maintenance can be really sweet.

You probed into my mind and read my thoughts. I just came to the realization that I want to keep losing and totally dread the thought of stopping the loss or heaven forbid, gain an ounce. My thoughts are not healthy and I need help too. This eating disorder went from one extreme to another. I have been in therapy but have kept these thoughts to myself. Therapy doesn't work if you clam up and I'm REAL good at keeping silent. Very dumb and I'm old enough to know better. My starting weight was 320 and I have gone down to 113 pounds. Not too horrible at 5'2", but headed there with this crazy mind set. I hope you will get some professional help. That's my plan. Thank you for being honest and sharing. Annette

I know how you feel, this too was me. I started at 293 lbs. and was hoping to get to 150, I am 5'8". Well here I am at 138 and I have stayed here for the last 2 months. At first I was very upset that the scale was not going down, but everyone kept telling me not to lose anymore that I looked sickly, too thin. I went from a size 22 to a size 4 and all I kept thinking was I want to be a size 0. I knew that I should maintain and that  I shouldn't lose any more weight, but still, I found myself addicted to the high of that scale moving down. My father kept asking me if I was becoming anorexic. So, somewhere in my head, I still want to see the scale keep going down, but realistically I know, I am good where I am. One thing I did is splurged on a couple of outfits that I really love and look good on me. The items I purchased were much more pricey than I usually bought(I was used to giving away my clothes each season and buying new ones in smaller sizes). Now I love it that I have a great wardrobe and it helps me want to maintain my weight right where I'm at.  So maybe rewarding yourself with some new clothes that you really love will be a motive enough to make you want to maintain.

It was really sad when I stopped losing weight. I had a ball watching the scale go down, and suddenly, the thrill was gone at 16 months. Even though I'm not getting thinner, I'm still loving getting in better shape. I've got these cute ltitle muscles sticking out all over, and I've never had any before. I used to get on my treadmill and walk something like 2 mph for about a mile and feel like I was dying. This morning, I did 5 miles at 4 mph at a steep incline, and then did a good bit of weight training, and other than a little tightness in the back of my legs I couldn't tell I'd done anything. No shortness of breath or cardiac scares. It's wonderful. It's all worth it. We all knew going in that the weight loss was only the beginning, and the maintenance is what it's all about. It's all good.

Maintenance for me is a day to day activity.  When I weigh 195 +/- 5 then I've had a good day and over a year's worth of "days" have been like that. As far as maintenance goes, that's the only way I can look at it.  So far, I'm "successful" and we will need to wait and see what tomorrow holds.