Learning to love ourselves ... xpost

Sometimes, I think that we think that the 'journey' is just about the weight loss, but I think it is also about learning to accept and love ourselves.

Today several of us went shopping and with that came the you look great ... 'thanks, but I hate my "fill in the blank." We started talking about how we don't like this or that and how uncomfortable it makes us and I noticed that it was so true that each of had our own 'hang ups' about this or that. We truly feel uncomfortable about our arms, or stomachs, or legs, or ... and the list can go on and on. However, when we have others there with us, they are seeing something different when they look at us.

When I was trying on a dress to wear to my son's wedding, I was at a boutique that I had frequented long before I had surgery, so the shop owner knew me before and is still adjusting to the new me. When I put the dress on, I saw little bulges here and there. I thought I needed the dress in a size larger. I thought I couldn't possibly wear the dress without the jacket. The store owner was astounded when I came out of the dressing room and said I looked absolutely stunning and so incredibly small and slender. Now I know she own's the store and wants to sell the dress, but she is a friend and actually will tell me when something doesn't look right. Not only did she think it was fabulous, but I was surrounded by friends who thought it was fabulous After talking to me about it a while, I realized I was fixating on what I see as 'problems'.

Several of us talked about it later and one of the things that came up, was that when we are losing all of this weight we hope we'll be the lucky one that doesn't look like a sharpei when we're done. We know that other's may look worse, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that we did this 'damage' to ourselves and we to a certain extent grieve the fact that we have hurt ourselves and can't get back that 'lost' beauty. I know it sounds vain and maybe it is, but I know that if I hadn't done this to myself I would have been a beautiful young woman. I think I'm reasonably attractive now ... with the 'right' clothes on ... but it hurts to know that if I hadn't gained all of that weight, I would have been a beautiful young woman. That's lost, I can be an attractive middle-aged woman now. So now that I've recognized that I'm grieving what could have been, I need to learn to celebrate what is and what I have done FOR myself and let go of what I did TO myself. I can tell that for me this is part of my journey and it's a process that I need to get through. I hope that recognizing it will help me to come through it learning to love who I am without being upset about or making apologies for who and what I am now.

Troy,

Thanks for your response. I can absolutely relate to your recent blog entry on your profile and to your response to this post. There are times when I look at myself and I almost don't recognize the person looking back at me. I have to say that I'm sure we are our own worst critics ... Troy, don't get me wrong, I'm a happily married woman ... but, I have to tell you that you were one nice looking guy before your WLS and you look fantastic now. I'm sure that you do have some 'scars' of your own obesity, but honestly all I saw when I looked at your photos was one handsome young gun! I hope that you and I will learn to forgive ourselves our own trespasses and will learn to appreciate who we are now.

Like you I would do this again and again ... I'm so very excited for my husband who has his first appointment with Duke next week to begin his own journey.

Thanks again for your warm and supportive note.

Barb

Barbara thank you for this post - I needed to read it, particularly today.  I too thought I would end up with a body that I would finally love and now think it looks worse than before wls!  I focus on my lumps and bumps, even knowing that others don't seem to see them! Thank you for the timely reminder Ruth