Self Destructive Behavior

I've gained 20 lbs.  I can't even believe it.  Several times a day I 'draw the line in the sand' and say this is it!  I'm going to lose this 20 if it kills me, starting right now.  Then I stuff something in my face.  What's the deal?  Why the self destructive behavior?  I don't understand it.  Do I WANT to be fat?  I don't think so but good grief.

Yep! I know exactly what you're going through, only I gained 35 lbs from my lowest. I'm having my husband lock the fridge and pantry and night and during the day while he's gone..so I get three meals, no snacking, period. It's working great so far...as soon as I break the eating all the time habit I'll start taking the locks of.. .extreme, I know..but ya gotta do what ya gotta do! Good luck! I'll write more later, gotta  go to bed! ANd get my water out of the fridge before the locks go back on lol leslee

I am in the same boat with you.  I have gained about 15 lbs.  I don't have the answer.  I have got to get to the gym more, but I have had a knee injury, so I have to be careful.  The knee injury is part of the reason for the gain, but I eat too many carbs, too. Patricia 3/11/2005  RNY 262/125/140 hi/lo/today     

I do believe that it's self destructive behavior. I used to go and stuff my face after an arguement with my dad when I was a kid. "I'll show him, I"ll get huge and he'll be sorry." it's not right and it's definitely self-destructive but it's what we do.  It's really really hard to get past the food addictions. We can't stop eating cold turkey like you can smoking or drinking; we have to eat to stay alive. So we turn eating into mental treats, mental punishment...Speaking for myself, I know I need a local support group and I do need this board to keep me honest and on track. I can count on the WOW ladies on the RNY board to point out my errors (they are brutally honest sometimes) and then I turn around and help other people to keep my mind off my own faults. If it gets to be more than I can handle, I'm heading to a therapist damn quick cuz I don't ever want to lose control again... I had to hide my treats, get rid of everything that has sugar in it, keep only good stuff around, non-fat all that stuff. I pre-pack all my snacks, individual serving sizes and lunch for the day in my lunch box and eat only from that. I carry no change so I can't eat from the vending machine..I had to search my head and see how I was going to try and cheat and get rid of the temptations. The only indulgance I allow myself is that I can drink as much water during the day as I can hold and caffinated drinks. Go nuts on those and it sort of helps, me at least.

I am looking at the issue of why do I eat when I'm not hungry. I have used food for years and now need to learn when is the last bite, why am I grazing, am I REALLY hungry? All these things I do. They will sabotage me. The underlying factor in my case for WHY IMO is stress sometimes boredom. I am working on the stress first. I'm even stopping and doing so deep breathing when I find myself standing in front of the fridge and pantry. I stop breath and ask myself why are you here?

I've really underestimated the power food has over me. It's just hitting me now at 46 how much and how deep it runs.

I think we can all relate to what you're going through. If we all ate the right way, didn't eat too much, didn't have some kind of problem with food, we would have never needed WLS in the first place. Although it's helped most of us get to a good weight, we still have to overcome our addictions to stay there. It's tough. I really think a lot of it has to do with your self esteem and love for yourself. How are you feeling about yourself right now (failure, destined to be fat, not deserving of a healthy body)? And you know none of that is true.

Eating causes our brain to produce serotonin, an extremely powerful endorphin.  Of course, we like  that feeling, so we continue to do it. You are not bad, evil, wicked, weak, or any of the awful names we call ourselves.   Find something else to do with your time;  that has really helped me to turn my mind away from eating.  Go for a walk, do some crafts, attack your hubby!! Good luck, Kid.