Losing friends as I lose weight?!

Has anyone else experienced this craziness???  I can't beleive it.  Now that I'm not "THE FAT GIRL" people have a hard time maintaining our old relationship.  I AM STILL ME!  Yes, I am more confident, but why are my "friends" not supportive of this instead of threatened by it?!  I'm so frustrated!!!  And believe me, I still have enough of the fat girl in me to not want to tread on anyone's ego so I tend to down play my progress.  In 13 months I've lost over 160lbs.  Yes!  the fat girl is gone - but the smaller girl standing infront of her friends is still the same friend.  WHAT GIVES?

It's not you, it's them. They're trying to figure out where they fit in. And quite frankly, I would let go and not worry about it. As you become more and more comfortable with you new body you will make new friends. However, if these old friends are really important to you, you should maybe sit them down and have a little chat. This happened to me several years ago after a lost 90 pounds without WLS, many didn't know how to respond to me. Needless to say, I gained the weight back and then some. I'm happy that I finally have found a cure that will keep me help forever. Good luck to you, and congratulations! What awesome progress. Don't let anyone steal your joy. You skinny girl, you!

I too have lost allot of freinds as I started to lose the weight. I even had 1 "freind" say that she wished she could gain weight so she can have the surgery too.  I don't speak to any of the freinds I had before WLS and its not by my doing. I figure If they can't accept me for who I am and not the shell I was then there freindship wasn't that important anyway. I have been having some bounce back in weight and had to have another major surgery and It seems the only ones that understand me and who I am are the ones very close to me. Which now I can count on one hand.  I wish I could tell you to hang on and they will come around but from experience they don't. But the best part is your more confident in yourself and new freinds are so easy to make know.  Congrats on your success and freinds that are true will be there in the end.  Michaelle

I had some problems like that in the beginning. I don't know if people expected me to change, thinking I was somehow better than them, or if it was jealousy, but I had the feeling a lot of people wanted me to fail. Now that some time has passed, most people are used to it and they've moved on to other things to worry about. It also bothered me that people who wouldn't give me the time of the day before, started being so nice. Your true friends will still be there, no matter how much you weigh.

Girl, you know what that is called? ((MOTIVATION)) keep doing what your doing! Stay motivated to keep up the progress! Go to the gym and keep it toned to make people hate on you more! Nothing is wrong with self confidence but we often confuse it with arrogance! I hope this is noy uor case! KNo this if someone somwhere isn't hating on you your not doing something right! A true friend is there always with U always! If your truly concerned ask them 1 on 1 to see whats up! Stay MOTIVATED!!! and always true to yourself!

Some people only like the Fat Girl because next to her, they look slimmer. Some people think the Fat Girl is more jolly and more fun to be around because she'll indulge in food that skinny people avoid..Some people stay away from the skinny girl because they don't like being reminded that they have food issues that they should address..The Skinny Girl makes them look HUGE. Some of my "friends" aren't friends at all but people who stood near me because I made them look thinner...Seriously. And those are the people who said the surgery wouldn't work and that they would NEVER do it because it's dangerous, when in reality they are so self*centered that they can't give up the carbs and sugar to be healthier even if they don't have the surgery.  Like the other poster said. It's them and not you...You found other things to do, funner things to do than eat. 

Just my 2 cents, Some people are so insecure that they pick friends who they feel "better than."  Maybe you'll be "lucky" and none of your previous friends are that way.  Evidently this is a VERY female phenomenon. For some of us, food and eating was our drug.  Many of our pre-surgery friends are still addicted.  People who quit using real drugs often find a need to change up friends as their new life is not compatible with their old one.  I've had people tell me they feel guilty eating around me because of how little I eat.  Many social events involve eating, so try to be sensitive to your friends in these situations. ENERGY-- your new self may just be too intense for your old friends.  Overeating has a "downer" effect on most people.  They may need somebody who is more "chill" than your new active self to be around.  You'll have to party through the night with new friends or  Maybe try to schedule time with them when you're really tired. You may be too focused on your recent weight loss, and this could make the friends feel uncomfortable.  OR they could be too focused on your weight loss.  I've found it fun making new friends who never really knew me as a fatso. Congrats on the 160 lbs loss.  As long as you focus on establishing a healthy, active lifestyle, you just may enjoy the rest of your life more than your "friends."  The closer you get to your ideal healthy weight the more of life you'll be able to enjoy! Take care- --Dave

I'm so where your at........  One  of my best friends told me that there are  people around me who I am letting down play my success.  She told me she was going to kick my ass if I let them do it!!  lol After all the HARD Work I put in to have a healthy and full life I chose not to let those kind of people have that big of a roll in it. This is just another thing we will grow from........ Jenny B Wise  

I went thru the same thing and it was very hurtful and upsetting to me. I was surprised at some of the people that turned their backs on me (not all of them though) and also surprised by some of the people that have ended up being my biggest supporters. My SIL is still a complete B**ch to me. She was fine until I got in a smaller size pants then her and then she turned on me, talking about  me behind my back, making up stories about how terrible I was and how I thought I was so hot, etc. Felt like being back in high school. We tolerate each other now, but even last night at our son's baseball game she was talking to some of the women on her son's team about me~she thinks I have no clue, but I know alot! So be prepared b/c even at 3+yrs out, it still happens. The cool thing is the great friendships that I have made/maintained over the last 3+yrs. You really find out who your true friends are!!!! I have good friends of all shapes and sizes and I am very thankful for them. I hope that things calm down for you soon and that you're not too upset by other people's bad behavior. It took me quite awhile to get over the hurt feelings, now I just get mad, LOL! Good Luck!

First and foremost, I'd like to say hello to everyone.  I've been a lurker for many moons and decided to get out of lurker mode.  I have never had WLS, don't need it, have been an average weight during my life, and I don't judge anyone who has had it.  Reason I made a point of saying that is because of what I'm about to say regarding this post.  I'm not a fat friend jealous of her fat friend for losing weight....there is nothing for me to gain or lose if my friends are as thin, thinner or heavier than I am.    Now for the other side of the fence.  I had (notice the word "had") a friend who had WLS about 2 1/2 years ago.  In the past, I've been supportive of her efforts to lose weight, etc.  At first she was OK but as the last 2 1/2 years have progressed, so has her ego.  She developed this attitude like she really was better than everyone, would interrupt people to talk about herself, it was obvious the ONLY reason she called was to talk about herself (never even ask how me & my dh were), fishes for compliments and gets a total attitude if she doesn't receive them.  I could go on and on but, in a nutshell, she's turned into someone that if I were to just meet her now, I wouldn't like her.  Luckily, I live in another state so I don't have to see her or be around her.  She is the reason I got caller i.d. so I could screen my calls and avoid her.  Right before Christmas she had some kind of weird attitude...probably because she was fishing for yet another compliment (made a point of sending a picture of herself out as a Christmas card), and I didn't give her the compliment that she was fishing for.  It's not my responsibility to make sure her ego is continually fed and it's getting old.  So she got a major attitude.  That was the clincher and I realized that she doesn't want friends, SHE WANTS FANS!  I have cut off any and all contact with her...I don't accept her phone calls nor do I reply to her e-mails.  And I'm a heck of a lot happier because my friends are as interested in my life as I am in theirs. Now I'm not saying you are doing this...in fact, I don't get that feeling about too many of the posters on this forum.  Just letting you know, though, that there are those folks that losing weight has turned into a monster....and my ex-friend is one of them.  And no, it's not always new self-confidence, etc.  My ex-friend has always been outspoken and wasn't someone that people could just trample on.  In her case, she turned into an all-out egotistical shrew.  While I would say, in many cases, friends might be jealous (and especially if they have some weight issues themselves), it's not always the case.  IMO, jealousy is usually the reasons friends alienate themselves, but sometimes it's the person themselves that alienate others from them.