Depression

Did anyone else get severely depressed after losing all of their weight.  I was absolutely fine while losing, as I was addicted to the "high" of the weight coming off.  I totally lost it once I met goal.  It was quite ironic.  For so many years I earnestly believed that my self loathing and poor self esteem were the result of my being over 300 lbs and having a quality of life that sucked.  I have now discovered that it was, in fact, the other way around.  I was actually fat because of the self esteem issues.  In fact, all of a sudden childhood issues I had been avoiding, including one deep dark secret, have come to the surface once again for me to deal with.  I tried seeking support from extended family, who ridiculed me, called me crazy, and told me to bury it.  It was no wonder I sought refuge in food - I had no one else.  That's all gone now, and it's so hard to cope.  I tried drinking for a while, but that made things worse.  I finally bit the bullet and went to the Dr.  I am now taking Wellbutrin, and 3 weeks into it, I no longer wake up wishing I had not!  The fog is beginning to lift.  I have also begun attending a support group at a local rape crisis center in hopes of healing old wounds and finding support from people who don't think I'm crazy, or that this was in any way my fault.  I wish someone had told me that there were going to be emotional consequences to losing a ton of weight.  Since goal, I have gone through a period of wishing I had never done this, as I was reasonably happy when I was fat (ignorance is bliss).  In fact, I went through a period where I warned everyone NOT to do this.  I now see what a blessing this was, not only for my physical health, but also my mental health - I don't think I would have had the courage to face these demons had I not had the surgery. I wish, however, that I had taken the counseling component of this more seriously, and had continued with it even after my approval.  I just wonder how common this is.  Did anyone else go through hell AFTER reaching goal? 

I'm so glad you went to your doctor and have started taking Wellbutrin. I agree that most of us were MO because of depression or low self-esteem, not the other way around, and it's disheartening to find out that weight loss hasn't solved all our problems. In my pre-RNY counseling I was lectured on depression after weight loss, and I just couldn't imagine not being so happy, how could I possibly have anything to be depressed about? You're doing the right thing by getting help.

That is awesome that you were warned about this side effect!  My surgeon actually told me that my depression would melt away, as if by magic, once I lost the weight.  I, however, was in such denial that anything was wrong at 300 lbs., that I probably would have shrugged off the warnings.  I do want people who are considering this to know that there are many more things to fix besides just the weight issue.  I think that even though I wouldn't have believed it at the time, I would at this point reflect on those words of wisdom and find some comfort in them.

I agree that the emotional/mental side of losing large amounts of weight can be overwhelming. I have not had a severe depression, but at 2yrs did realize that I needed to seek out a therapist. I wish surgeons would not only require a psych consult before surgery, but require a patient to have a therapist right from the beginning. I know that would have helped me so much. Its great to lose the weight~its freeing and wonderful~but there is the down side that many of us deal with~things like you've described resurfacing, dealing with difficulties from family/friends, trying to learn how to handle the increase in attention that is often unwanted~I guess its a "coming to terms" with ourselves and where we fit into the world. Its scary! We've essentially been in hiding behind all the fat~it was our coping mechanism and after wls that is stripped away and very quickly at that. Taking back control of our lives and dealing with this will help us to be able to maintain versus sabotaging ourselves due to our fears. I'm happy to hear that you are working with someone and feeling better~that's great news!!!!!!!

Yes, yes, yes!  SO many things that you'd never expect.  Not only resurfacing issues, but definitely unwanted attention.  From men!  I also never could have predicted how hard this would be on my marriage.  And it is a good one!  Plus, for me personally, a lot of people disappeared from my life because I quit being a doormat and started saying no.  This was too much of a change for most folks to deal with, but I know I deserve better.    I totally agree with the whole coming to terms with ourselves thing.  I felt as though I had lost my identity and had to figure out who I was again.  In reality, I think we didn't know who we were before.  Food was a crutch, and with that gone, we are left with ourselves, whoever that may be.  I have tried to reinvent myself, I have tried living in the past, I have tried avoiding old friends, etc., only to still be the same scared and insecure person.  It is a great revelation when you discover that you simply are who you are, and that there are many facets of that.  I am no longer ashamed of my past, and am trying to rebuild my life.  Yes, definitely, they should make ongoing therapy a requirement for this procedure, as it is an extraordinary life change.  Probably the biggest change in my life thus far, and I had no clue as to the enormity of it beforehand.  I would have resented this requirement at first, but at this point would feel much better having done it. 

I believe it's quite common for us to get depressed afterwards. I know I did! The hardest transition for me, was women. I found out that other women can be quite mean! When I was heavy, I was always the "fat, funny girl", you know, the life of the party....everybody's friend. Until I lost the weight. Now, I guess I'm a threat, cause I've had some pretty bad jealousy episodes happen to me in the past 4 years. And these women were supposed to be my girlfriends! My weight loss has changed my relationships with other women completely. I have only 1 friend now, that knew me when I was fat. The others have faded away.....I just don't take any crap off of anybody any more. The doormat is gone.   It really hurt when my so-called friends were doing all these not so nice things to me. At first I couldn't figure out why this was happening! I honestly did not know. I just knew they were being catty and back-stabbing in a way I had never experienced before. I thought it was me. (thats the fat girl talking now...) I took 6 months of therapy with a great counselor, to figure this out and I'm glad I did.   I think I can safely say, that yes, it's been a rough transistion into being a normal sized woman.   But would I do it again? Hell yeah!!!! I'm happy with myself now, I'm still the same sweet woman, I've always been and thats whats important. Not some other *****y woman's opinion of someone she's jealous of.  I work in a vitamin store and I wait on WLS patients all day long. When they ask, (and they all do) I say the hardest work comes, when you're at goal. Boy, there couldn't be truer words!

You are sooooo right!  The hardest work does come at goal.  I had the women issues as well.  I was always the fattest one in the room - the fattest person everyone knew.  There was a tremendous amount of jealousy when I was thinner than the women in my life who just had 40-50 lbs. to lose.  They just couldn't fathom the fattest person in the room being thinner than they were.  Since I have left that position, they found themselves in it, I suppose, and that fat girl who made them feel so good about their own weight issue was gone.  I, too, have only one friend left who knew me when I was fat, and she recently had the surgery herself!  I keep telling her to get a good therapists, but she is in denial, like we all once were. It's so tough to lose your support system, but the way I see it, those people were just mirroring the awful feelings we already had about ourselves (even when we were fat).  Good ridance!  Finding a new support group is hard, but we all deserve to be surrounded by positive people who love us for who we are, not by insecure people who hang out with us because they want to feel better about themselves. 

As you can see, you have plenty of company here. Before WLS, I thought I had worked thru all my childhood abuse issues, my family issues, my depression issues. Now I've come to realize that I was still stuffing a lot of my emotions by eating. Now all those emotions are out there and they can't be stuffed back in. I've lost my best friend who helped me before WLS -- food -- and I can't hang out with her anymore because we are dysfunctional together. Ha. So, yes, despite all my arrogance thinking I was done with fixing my mental health issues, I'm still working on it. I'm glad to hear I'm not alone. Bless you.

Thank you!  I'm glad to hear that I am also not alone.  I, too, thought I was done, but unfortunately it is a process, and as such, takes much time.  I do believe there is a light at the end of the tunnel (hopefully not an oncoming freight train!).  I hope you have found that, too.  It is part of who we are, but it doesn't have to define us!

I can so relate...  It is like we are a threat now since the loss..   I dont want anyones man , just my own but women can be cruel .. Lord it seems the only people we have anything in commom with anymore or those who have lost the weight too .. I hope your feeling better Hugs and blessing to you  Shirley