X-POST...My 3 yr blurb (LONG)
Around 3 years ago today, I told everyone that I was taking a month's leave of absence and visiting North Carolina to scout the scene to see if I wanted to move there.(Still in dirty Jerz) On May 1, 2005 - a Sunday I sat crying at my desk, at 11pm scared as all **** Telephone in hand- 6 digits of my surgeon's office emergency evening number dialed. I heard myself saying "I'm not going to be able to do this-I need to cancel". (This is what i was going to say) A co-worker walked by, asked if I was ready for my trip(my lie to the job) and asked why was I crying. I told her everything. She gave me a hug, told me how proud she was of me and offered to take some before pictures. Oh how I wish I had a scanner.
I drove myself home, and proceeded to log onto to OH, and read wonderful uplifting profiles. Although inspired I was still scared to DEATH....Fast forward to 6am...dress myself with that shaky, anxious feeling that any post op can relate to. Get to the OR, told the barriatric cordinator how scared I was...she asked if "I had been on that damn website" referring to OH. She's another story-we haven't gotten along since day 2 post op, and I've been a member of this WONDERFUL FAMILY for 3 years.
It has not been easy, and I am no where where I want to be. By no means a failure, but not as successful as I should have been either. I've been 15 pounds from goal (still overweight by standards) to back to obese 
Not fun at all. There have been ups and there have been downs. I have 44 photo albums from the past 3 years. I vacation quarterly. When my son is late for the bus, I can outrun him to catch it. My child knows the value of healthy choices-almost in a do as I say and not as I do kinda way. Only after the confidence that emerged from WLS was I able to leave a 7 year abusive relationship and find true happiness-it's eluding me now, but I've felt it, and know that it is still attainable.
On the downside. I went from drinking champagne at New Years to visiting the abuse forum, and wondering if I'm an alcoholic. They say if you have to ask....As a newbie-and being the addict that I am, I found that it was easier to drink than to eat. I have also seen this with my mother and best friend, also fellow WLS patients. We used to go to buffets now we go to the bar. I had my first margarita 6 wks post op, I was in Disney World and wanted some chicken but we all know how that goes at 6 weeks, so I brought a drink, and sipped and sipped and never stopped sipping.I really think that this problem would have surfaced at some time in my life due to genetics, but WLS surgery just exacerbated it. Thank heavens for the honeymoon period....at about 1 year out my weight stabilized. I stopped loosing. All was good. During the past year I have gained. My body has never been through so many changes as it saw in 07. I can literally gain and lose 7-8 pounds overnight.
Bottom line-I can still lose weight when I put my mind to it, When following the pouch rules I still have restriction, but I was told back in 05 you can trick it. As I reflect I know that when I drink water like I'm supposed to, exercise like I'm supposed to and fill myself with lean proteins, there is little room for anything else. Gimme a protein train, I'm good for 10 pounds...6 with a 5DPT....but............give me an inch and I'll take a mile. Soon as time is up I'm gone. Whats that about. I've been in therapy since it was recommended in my approval psych eval. 3 yrs- my mind still aint right. This was supposed to be really short as I am in the middle of a research paper...but I couldn't not come here on the day that changed my life. Oh how I wish I could have reported that I made goal 2 yrs ago, and was happily maintaining, but I can't so I wont. But believe me when I tell you this, it may not be today, and it may not be next month. But ONE day that will be my testimony. I claim it.
I'd like to give a shout out to:
May of 05-remember the old days, you got me through. BAF is always good for an indirect reality check, and the knowledge and support that the Grads board provides is priceless. Thank you all.
Still no regrets...maybe adjustements for a few tweaks, but no regrets. I'm the woman I that I am today, because of all that I've been through.
Not fun at all. There have been ups and there have been downs. I have 44 photo albums from the past 3 years. I vacation quarterly. When my son is late for the bus, I can outrun him to catch it. My child knows the value of healthy choices-almost in a do as I say and not as I do kinda way. Only after the confidence that emerged from WLS was I able to leave a 7 year abusive relationship and find true happiness-it's eluding me now, but I've felt it, and know that it is still attainable.
On the downside. I went from drinking champagne at New Years to visiting the abuse forum, and wondering if I'm an alcoholic. They say if you have to ask....As a newbie-and being the addict that I am, I found that it was easier to drink than to eat. I have also seen this with my mother and best friend, also fellow WLS patients. We used to go to buffets now we go to the bar. I had my first margarita 6 wks post op, I was in Disney World and wanted some chicken but we all know how that goes at 6 weeks, so I brought a drink, and sipped and sipped and never stopped sipping.I really think that this problem would have surfaced at some time in my life due to genetics, but WLS surgery just exacerbated it. Thank heavens for the honeymoon period....at about 1 year out my weight stabilized. I stopped loosing. All was good. During the past year I have gained. My body has never been through so many changes as it saw in 07. I can literally gain and lose 7-8 pounds overnight.
Bottom line-I can still lose weight when I put my mind to it, When following the pouch rules I still have restriction, but I was told back in 05 you can trick it. As I reflect I know that when I drink water like I'm supposed to, exercise like I'm supposed to and fill myself with lean proteins, there is little room for anything else. Gimme a protein train, I'm good for 10 pounds...6 with a 5DPT....but............give me an inch and I'll take a mile. Soon as time is up I'm gone. Whats that about. I've been in therapy since it was recommended in my approval psych eval. 3 yrs- my mind still aint right. This was supposed to be really short as I am in the middle of a research paper...but I couldn't not come here on the day that changed my life. Oh how I wish I could have reported that I made goal 2 yrs ago, and was happily maintaining, but I can't so I wont. But believe me when I tell you this, it may not be today, and it may not be next month. But ONE day that will be my testimony. I claim it.
I'd like to give a shout out to:
May of 05-remember the old days, you got me through. BAF is always good for an indirect reality check, and the knowledge and support that the Grads board provides is priceless. Thank you all.
Still no regrets...maybe adjustements for a few tweaks, but no regrets. I'm the woman I that I am today, because of all that I've been through. Aliya....and lovin it
Bless your heart--I'd say that with all the ups and downs you are still a resounding success.
Even the little over that you still have to lose is not really a bad thing--it's probably just the excess skin and if you were to lose that through ps you'd be right on.
The alcoholism is the bad thing--but then you know as well as I do that genetics is the big thing there. Get thee to AA--and good luck.
Hugs and cheers,
Wow, great post!! I'm 3 1/2 years out and never post but couldn't resist. You are awesome! The farther we get out from surgery...the more difficult it becomes, the more guilt we face for choices we make, and the more difficult choices we have to make. Our obesity always limited our options, so we didn't dare dream big or have big expectations. The fact that you're working on a research paper says you've made some BOLD choices to educate yourself...not easy. I'm in RN school at 44 yrs old with a family that's struggling with the dramatic changes I've thrown at them...NO it's not easy, but remember how hard it used to be to just walk up a flight of stairs, let alone carrying a bag of really heavy books along with you! It's not just the number on the scale that matters, but the other choices we have to make everyday. Ya, I have a glass of wine at night to relax, never did that before...but is it REALLY worse than a package of oreo's? I don't know? I just know that there are days when I get out of bed, put one foot on the floor and take a step and do what I have to do, and that's already a better day than when I could barely roll out of bed to get a cup of coffee and a handful of cookies. There was no hope of any day being any bettter than the previous. I'm proudl of you, and of me, and of all of us for having the COURAGE to not accept morbid obesity as our only choice...it took GUTS to do what we did, and it takes guts to keep going each day, with the choices we have to make. Ya, I'm going to make better choices tomorrow...you will too.
Hi Aliya,
Thank you so much for your post ... I guess there must be emotional healing along with all the physical healing ... another part of the process. God bless you in your commitment to overcome the alcohol ... to have come through all you have come through tells me you are a very strong & courageous woman.
Colleen (undecided newbie)
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