My New Story

As you all know, I don't post too often, but I do read constantly.  I try to respond when I think that what I have to say is worth saying....but I do want you all to know that I think that the information shared by you all is always quite relevant.  Well, I thought I would tell my most recent story!!!   As most of you might remember, I ended up gaining weight (got up to 174 pounds).  I wasn't happy, I was quite down..and I posted about my dispear.  I could deal with 165 lbs, I longed for 155 lbs, and I fantasized about 145lbs.   PART ONE: Well, two weeks ago, on a Monday evening I was watching Valerie Bertinelli on Oprah.  As I was watching the show (very interesting..her life, her weight, etc...).. I started feeling sick. Within the hour, I wa**** head-on with a FLU.  I had to go out, TOPS for my weekly weigh-in (170).  I got home at 6:00 and was in bed by 6:15.  Slept straight through till Tuesday.  Trudged off to work, slept during my breaks, got home at 2:00 and went to bed... Did the same on Wednesday.  Feeling awful, I decided to take Thursday off.  Slept all day, slept all night.  Went to school on Friday, and taught one class..then ended up going home sick the rest of the day.  Over the weekend, however, I started feeling better.  Granted with all the sleeping, there wasn't much chance of eating.  No appetite for anything but sleep. So, I knew I lost a few pounds (based on the home scale). PART TWO: On Friday, one of my teachers handed me the recent People Magazine and she wanted me to read an article about an actor who wieghed 300 plus, had surgery, weighs 190.  Talked about how he has problems finding acting jobs..because he is now normal...not "special".  Well, as I was laying in bed (10:30pm) I was awoken by a revelation.  I will never be as thin as I want to be.  If I were as thin (pound-wise) as I want... I would look sickly and anorexic.  I will never be handsome or attractive like Brad Pitt (granted he weighs more then I do).  I will never be 25 again...and I will never be buff (not my body type).  I am not special anymore because I am so fat... I am average (at times below average).  Instead of constantly looking at where I was, I need to look at where I am...and where I am going.  I need to be healthy...not "thin".  I need to be special..because I am special.. BAM!!!  Now to keep that in my head!!! PART THREE: Well, I got up Monday morning, dressed in my thin pants (lost enough weight to fit into them again...) and was feeling fine.  Had my bowl of oatmeal (shared with the dog)..then suddenly, threw it all up.  Didn't think much of it....  Got to school...and threw up again.  Well, from Monday morning on.... I spent most days throwing up.  Couldn't hold a cracker in my system let alone water.  Very embarrassing running out of class..to go throw up...  Well, I decided to take Thursday off (a new habit) and spend the day in bed...  Which I did.  Got up Friday morning, got to school, made substitute plans...and left.  Went to the emergency room.  I got in at 6:30am.  After several IVs, a gastric ****tail, morphine, etc...  I had x-rays, ultra-sounds, and CAT scans.  Spending most of the day "lounging" and resting...around 3:00pm, the doctor finally told me that I am the proud papa of several kidney stones (8mm).  They planned to release me with some medication (pain medicatoin...but not enough!!!!)..and I have to set up an appiontment on Monday to see what they want to do about them.  REMOVE THEM!!!! is my opinion...get me healthy!!!!  Stop the pain!!!! Needless to say, it has been awful two weeks, having problems eating...losing weight, etc...  Now, I just want to get healthy!!!!  Never a dull moment, huh!!!!

WOW, you've been through a lot.  Keep resting and good luck.  I know kidney stones are so painful.

Funny how our goals change all the time. Sometimes, just being well and feeling good is goal enough. May the force be with you!

DP, Sorry you are going through all of that!  Will your weight loss surgery have any effect on how they take care of the kidney stones?  That might be a silly question, but I am really not sure.  I have often wondered if and how medications are affected by the surgery.  Teaching is tough enough, and if you don't feel well, it is tougher!  Hope you are able to have it taken care of soon!

Well one good thing Daniel, is that you realized your twisted body image is not what others see and decided that the number you weigh does NOT define how special you are.  Self acceptance is a giant step to a healthy mind... healthy mind +healthy attitude=peace of mind If anything at all you get to wear your skinny pants...What a way to go about it though , eh? Now all you have to do is throw stones! (I have ZERO clues what this feels like or what they are exactly, except that they are painful, not fun or good)  So...I sympathize with you! (I hate pain) Good luck and I hope you feel better soon... hugs Anita

I am new to the forum but i wanted to say thanks for your post, especially part 2 growing up I had a combination of anorexia and bulimia until age 35. once I stopped and ate normally hello.... 312 lbs. I just had surgery 1/23/08 and have been having the mental picture of my 110 lb 25 year old body not going to happen and reading your story actually made me stop and think .... who am i kindding Im 45 mother of 4, healthy is more important than a size 4.

Bless your heart, I thought I had a rough wee****il I read about yours. Your post was very insightful and something I think most of us can relate to. I am at my early-20's weight and somehow I expected to look the same at 47 that I did at 21, and it just didn't happen that way. Like you, I am trying to be happy for my overall good health and not obsess about things that really don't matter. Good luck to you, and thank you.

Daniel, I just want to tell you I am so GLAD you posted...I cannot tell you how many times I've thought of you over the last weeks (following that most painful post regarding your weight and body image).  I think you've got your head in the right place--health is the most important!  Now, get those kidney stones out and you'll be well on your way!  Thinking of you!

hi there im so sorry you had a rough week and i hope those stones dont give you too much trouble. but also glad you saw the truth about some other things. its good to read posts because i had a week of feeling sorry for myself with my new iron problem, but at least that can be relatively easily solved. so thats why we all need to help each other this way hugs, jacki

Daniel, Hi. I usually post on the PA board, but came over for a visit. I'm sorry that you have had such a rough few weeks. As a critical care rn, I can tell you that you have experienced some of the worst pain that there is. My condolences. Now that you have had kidney stones once, you can possibly develop them again. It is very important that you keep yourself very well hydrated every day. Minimum of 64 oz. each 24 hours. And no caffiene which will promote dehydration. You also need to find out what type of minerals your stones are made of. If they are of calcium, you need to touch base with your wls surgeon, to find out how to deal with your need for calcium supplements vs. your developing future stones. I'm glad you're back in your skinny pants, at least there has been some reward for your suffering. Your thoughts on getting your priorities straight on body image/health are right on. I wish you the best. Chris