Stressed out and wanting to eat anything that will hold still. *WARNING* long, sad and maybe...

The warning was true.  This will be long, sad at parts and may bore some of you to sleep.  Everyone I know around where I live is somehow affected by one or all of the situations causing my stress so I decided to get it out on here since it is making me want to eat like a pig at a trough.  Stress #1.........my son. He has given up on himself.  He thinks because he is in the Learning Disabilites program at his school that he is stupid and there's no point in even trying.  He is 15......the same age and grade that his biological father quit school.  The man never worked and was just a drain on society.  He became very anti-social and preferred to spend all his time at home alone.  I don't want to see my son become his father.  So we butt heads constantly over his school work and his behavior at school.  Since he's not doing any of the work he gets bored and ends up horsing around with his friends in class and gets in trouble.  So now the principal says he doesn't see any point in my son being at the school and is asking me to pull him out and homeschool him or something.  I don't think adding social isolation is going to help my son any so I'm fighting the school system now.   Stress #2.........my ex-husband and father of my kids. My ex-husband is an evil man.  He was abusive, controlling and refused to work.  I left him in 1997.    I caught him molesting my daughter, left and turned him in.   Between 1997 and 1999 my life was a living hell.  He was acquitted of what he did because the only witnesses were him, me and my daughter and she was only 13 months old when it happened.  While he was on trial for what he did to my daughter he molested three other girls.  The daughters of the woman he'd been cheating on me with and then had moved in the day after I left him.  He harassed my family, friends and me continually.  When he realized he was going to be convicted of what he'd done to these other girls he cracked.  He kidnapped the oldest girl, she was 14, and told the local police he was going to keep her until he found me and killed me.  I didn't know any of this was going on.  The police came to my job and took me away to a battered women's shelter to hide me until he was caught.  I lived there for a month before they got him.  The last time I saw this man face-to-face was when I testified at his sentencing hearing.  According to him I've ruined his life and must pay for it.  Even when we were going through court hearings for the divorce, kids etc I had to be accompanied by an officer with a gun at all times when we were both in the courthouse.  Well he went to prison the day I testified.  We was due to be released in August of this year.  Because of the situation that was going on when he was finally apprehended in 1999 the prison had me on his file to be notified when he was being released.  I got the letter last week.  They moved his date up to March 30.  With that being a Sunday he will be released on the 28th.  I now have three weeks instead of five months to get everything in order to try to keep us all safe.  He hasn't seen my kids since April of 1997 and I have no intention of that changing even though I know he does.  He still has parental rights.  Because he was acquitted I'm not allowed to bring up what he did to them in court against him.  My son remembers it all and hates him.  My daughter remembers nothing but has emotional problems because of what he did to her.    Stress #3..........my neice and sister. My neice has had multiple medical problems all her life.  She has never walked, talked or eaten normally.  She never progressed past the mental age of a baby.  At 14 she still played with baby toys........the kind that play music and light up.  About four years ago her doctors told us that her lungs had quit growing even though her body was far from being done.  Monday night she quit breathing.  When my mom got to her she was already turning blue.  The ambulances came, took her to the hospital and got her breathing again.  She was transferred to a special children's hopsital immediately.  Tests were ran and came back showing only traces of brain activity.  They had her sedated to try to keep her calm and slow her heartbeat since it was racing.  She could not breathe on her own.  More tests and scans were done that showed her brain was swelling yesterday morning.  The choices were given that we could wait and let the swelling take her or we could choose to sedate her further and turn off the life support machine that was breathing for her.  My sister chose the second option.  I wasn't there for any of this.  When they got back to town yesterday she wanted to see me.  She is a mess.  We've always had a bit of a strained relationship because we have always been total opposites.  Now she wants me there and I'm trying to help.  I had a son who died i***** and now she's looking at me to tell her how to make this all ok.  I can't.  I don't know what to tell her.  I don't remember a lot of it because I was on so much medication because I wasn't dealing with it well.  So now she wants me to be there for everything and there's a part of me inside that wants to say I've already done this and I can't do it again.  That makes me feel guilty and selfish.     So.............all of this along with just everyday life is getting to me.  I want to eat anything that will hold still.  I haven't yet but God is it hard!!   I know there are really no answers and I don't expect anyone to post anything.  Just needed to get it out and there is no one I know who isn't connected to at least one of the above mentioned situations.  Thank you for letting me vent.  Maybe this will help a bit.     

I wish I could say something to make everything better, but I can't.  Just know that I am thinking of you and your family.  (((((Dawn)))))

(((((Dawn))))), sweetie please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers......I don't have any words of advice, I'm sorry you are having to deal with so much.  What I will say is make the best of the situation as you can, you can only do what you can.

Bless your heart, you've been through so much, I just can't imagine. One thing's for sure, you are a strong woman. A lot stronger than some banana pudding calling your name. (I happen to have some in my fridge that's been hollering at me, that's why I thought of banana pudding.) I will pray for you and your family. Your children are lucky to have such a tough and loving mother.

Sweetie.  {{{{HUGS}}}} I don't know what to say.  My thoughts and tears are with you.  

First, believe in your strength. You are a very good mother who got her children safe. With his history I would hope that the system will back you. Are you able to get his parental rights terminated ? Be prepared if he makes contact. Begin with a restraining order and keep a journal with dates, times, etc. to have a paper trail. Notify your attorney...child protective services...victim advocates or any other agency that was involved with your case & make them aware if need be. I was successful in having my X's rights terminated. CSA was founded but he was never convicted. I have a teenager & know all too well how this can be. Everyones situation is differant tho. Is there any positive role models or Uncles or men in his life that he can confide in & talk to ? I know it does help my son when other than myself speak to him. At times I back off & let the dust settle. Don't give up...he belongs in school & deserves a good education. Taking him out of school should not be an option. Children have stresses too & it is such a challenge at times to guide them. As for your sister, just try to be there to listen when you can. It's always a comfort to know someone understands. With all that you have on your plate your only human remember that. She'll find her strength. Hope this helped in some way. Take care

Hi Dawn, you story has really touched my heart this morning.  For what you and your family have been through and the current situation, you deserve a lot of credit for handling this and keeping it all together.  It's these moments that make us stronger and help us triumph.  You are no doubt a VERY incredibly strong woman.  You have a lot to be proud of, you really do.  Including your journey for weight loss!!  You and your family will be in my prayers.  Keep your head up.  You did exactly the right thing by coming here for support, because these ladies and gentlemen here are just amazing, they really truly are.   We are here for you.  *HUGS* ~Shannon

Good morning Dawn....First of all I'm really sorry that you're going through all these trials, you are in my thoughts & prayers.  The only thing I can tell you is to PUSH.... P - PRAY U - UNTIL S - SOMETHING H - HAPPENS!! May the Lord's comfort & peace fill you & your home... Blessings, Maggie

{{{{{DAWN}}}} Your story rattled me to the core...I certainly can relate to some of your story...The rest is downright unimaginable.  Please stay safe from your EX...Do whatever you have to do.  You really have your hands tied and full! I couldn't even pretend I'd have a clue what to do!   All I can say.....is don't find yourself alone.  Have a plan to escape if you have to...Pack a suitcase and have all your important papers/ some cash/ a disposable phone card/ put the plice and fire dept on speed dial...Whatever you can think of... Keep all this stuff together in  a place you can grab really fast if you have to get away.(trunk of the car maybe... Drive your car right into the Fire Dept or police station if you must....(I did that once when a bunch of guys got out of their car and at a stop light and tried to ambush me in my car)  I saw them get out of the car behind me and try to sneak over to the doors which were locked!  I put my foot on the gas went straight thru three red lights and at the end of the street was a Fire Station..I pulled right on in to the open bays where the fire trucks were!  Those Fire Fighters thought I had lost my freaking mind!  Hey...better to be safe than sorry!   Warn everyone you know that you are scared including the police...Make it clear to the EX that you're prepared and he'll know that he's going away forever if something happens to you. This is a rough time for you for certain. You've got a bumpy road ahead...and you know it....I'm with everyone else I am just wishing you the strength to get through and find a way to be good to yourself at the same time even though so many need you right now. Just don't give up on you...Try to stay healthy! Good luck to you...

Dear Dawn,  I'm with all the other posts in wishing I could take this away from you.  I admire your courage and strength for all that you've done. Anita has given some excellent advice on having plans and strategies.  Do you have anyone around that can support you?  Even if you do not attend church, I'm sure if you approached the staff of one they would do all they can to help you.  Be prepared, have an emergency bag packed, inform yoru children's schools that this is going on as this may be contributing to your sons behaviour,  Even if he doesn't know details he may be picking up on your stress/distress/concerns.  If he is the eldest, he may be feeling the pressure of being 'the man of the house' and protecting you and his siblings. You are NOT selfish.  You just have so much to handle right now and having your sister leaning on you too is too much for you to handle.  It is understandable that you don't want to go through it again.  Her grief may well bring up your grief.  You are a woman who is dealing with a ton of cr*p right now.  **** happens and it's dumped itself right ontop of you. Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself.  hugs...................