Please help....

Wow, you have been through hell and have only regained 40 pounds.  You are fantastic!   I took care of my husband during his colon cancer and liver metastasis 10 years ago and I piled on 100 pounds.  It's what finally landed me in the GB surgeon's office.  And though my husband was very sick, he was not dying.  In fact, we were blessed with a miracle and he is alive and well today.  But I remember how freakin' hard it was to be alone and taking care of everyone.  Something's got to give.  So now, try to concentrate on being kind to yourself.  You have heroically gone through some really horrible experiences in the past year and you deserve to thank yourself.  Start back slowly.  I know it's hard with COPD, but try to take some walks to clear your mind.  Maybe yoga might help.  Maybe some meditation tapes and long baths.  I know this sounds corny, but you need to heal your mind so your body can follow.  Stock up your cabinets with good foods and don't obsess too much right now on amount, but focus first on improving the quality of what you are eating.  Take it a step at a time.  I think you need to not overwhelm yourself.  You will get through this. You are an awesome, strong, generous person.  I will keep you in my prayers.