Trying to fill the empty hole with food?

I spend most of my work day sitting at a desk. I'm paid to think - analyze problems, fix them with software writes and rewrites. The problem is that I'm unable to analyze and fix my own problem. I'm over a year out from RNY surgery and I'm only just starting to get to my real problem. For a long time, I would reach for food and eat to fill that empty hole inside myself. I called it hunger but it was just an empty hole. The hole is still there. I can't fill it up with food anymore. Now, I have to try to accept that the hole is never going away and I'm going to have to learn to accept her and embrace her because we're going to be hanging out for a really long time yet. Am I crazy? Am I alone? You tell me. Did you find a way to fill yourself up without food? 

You are not crazy ~ you are not alone.  I too am a problem solver in my career and in my personallity / personal life.  However, I cannot find a practical solution to this 'problem'.  That's because it is nto a practical problem. That said, I'm very sorry that I don't have any answers for you.  Just know that you are not crazy and not alone.  We struggle with this together. My guess is that some use exercise, some use busyness, others use shopping, etc.   If anyone has any other sugestions as to what else we can use, I'll be interested in reading the posts. hugs to you Judy

Thanks Ruth. It helps just to know that I'm a normal WLS person and not nuts. It's just such a weird thing to feel empty like this.

You're not crazy and you're definitely not alone.  I have a hole too, but I'm not sure what it is.  My father molested me when I was a child and I make nice with him every I see him, which is often.  Is this the cause of my issues?  I don't know.  I swear, it sure feels like hunger.  If it's a hole I'm trying to feel, then it's disguised beautifully.  I'm there with you.  I should probably give in and see a psychologist.  (((((HUGS)))))) Brandi ;~)

I'm sorry Brandi I just thought I would say hey and give you (((((Hugs)))))))) Lorri

Brandi, I know what you're going thru. A close family member was molested when she was a toddler. It took a good ten years before I could deal with it. And I wasn't the victim. Therapy taught me that I needed to stand up and fight back if only in my head. I wrote a horrible, nasty letter to the perpetrator and told him exactly what I thought of him. My therapist read the letter and we talked about it. I didn't mail it out but it helped to just get it out. It helps that he can never do it to another child. He's in prison for  the rest of his life for molesting many little girls. I wish you well and I hope you find peace. (((BIG HUGS)))

Hi Judy! I know exactly what you're talking about. For me, I didn't mentally figure it out until I was 2yrs post op and then I went in search of a therapist that specializes in eating disorders. I guess I was in denial and didn't want to admit that my 328lbs was about more than just eating food~it was what was eating me that got me to that weight. I now understand that I'm addicted to food and an emotional eater~not good~but I have also learned ways to deal with my problem thru therapy. Now I can most of the time deal with my emotions without food and I have even caught myself many times in an emotional state, standing in front of the cupboard w/the doors wide open looking for something to slam down, but I am able to stop myself (most of the time). Have you tried any therapy? I always thought of anorexia or bulemia as eating disorders, but never really thought overeating was a "disorder"~I've come to find out that it is and that many of us suffer from it, but we can learn other coping mechanisms. Anyway, you're not alone and you're definitely not crazy!!!! Unfortunately, food will NEVER fill that hole, not matter how much we eat. The answer is within each of us, so don't give up trying to figure it out!  Good Luck to You!!!!!!!!!

I've been in therapy on and off my whole adult life. Sometimes it helps -- especially to get thru a crisis. But, I have never found a therapist who can help with this and I have been looking. The problem is that they want to know how feel when I want to eat. Well, I feel empty. Not upset about anything. Not mourning anyone. Not stressed. Just maybe a little bored and lonely -- like everyone else in the world. I'm not sure a therapist exists that knows how to fix bored and lonely. I'll keep looking though.

No...not crazy!  Sorry if you were hoping it was that simple!  :::gentle smile::: It's just not simple. For me it went something like this: When I changed my life so drastically so quickly...It is like a death. Like being in mourning.... I lost my old eating habits and you did too (probably which gave you comfort...like the majority of us) I  lost my weight and suddenly felt like the person I  knew  I was on the inside...Unfortunately now I actually feel inside out rather than outside in... The excitement of losing all that weight is over and now you have to try to live in a thinner healthier body without all the hoopla and kudos and all your friends and family oohing and ahhing at your success. Now they only comment on being too thin or looking a little poofy if you gain an ounce. Suddenly you realize, wow...So this is it...You expected that being thinner would make life soooooo amazing and so grand and you see now that being that thin person is really no different than being the heavy person where at least you had comfort in food. Fixing the problem?  I think that's just going to take time for you and me both!  You have to mourn the death of your obesity as one who mourns the death of a love one because in a sense, you have lost so much of you both physically and mentally. It's just not as exciting as you thought.  Once I realized this...I have been trying to find things that are exciting to me...Nutrition and cooking healthy (As long as I have to focus on food) has become a passion for me.  This winter I restored my families old black and white photos digitally...That was exciting and fun and rewarding. (you get all kinds of kudos for that) Still working on them...(Photoshop Elements if anyone was wondering)  In the summer I garden and swim and I built a log cabin...(not Lincoln logs) the real thing... I really think that focusing on living and hobbies and things that are fun makes having to deal with food so less a burden. You have to eat...You have to be aware of food...It's not like any other addition that you can just leave it and never touch it again...So make it fun!  Learn about foods and what nutrients are in them.(That's what I love to do and cook)  And try to find something that takes you mind off mourning...You will find peace... I could be wrong...This is just my experience and it helps me to know WHAT it is that was bugging me and missing...Now that I know...It still bugs me, but I'm not so depressed wondering about it. It's still there, but not so deep a hole that I can crawl into it and not get back out. I sure hope that helped a little. If not, maybe you need to talk to a "real therapist"...and find your underlying problems. But don't stay feeling so glum if you can find peace of mind in talking to someone who knows about these things... Big bear hugs, Anita

Anita, Thank you for your concern and advise. Yup. Food was my buddy. Now I can't eat. I do feel better physically and now, I guess, I need to accept that my love affair with food is over. Time to find peace with it. I have been working on my hobbies. This time of the year is the pits -- 4-5 feet of snow so far this winter and counting plus negative temperatures. Very difficult to do much. But I am working on indoor hobbies. Come summer, I'll be so busy I won't be able to find enough time in the day to do everything. Something to look forward to indeed.