Surgeon Appt today

I am dreading going to the surgeon today. Since I started gaining my weight back he's been keeping a 4 month eye on me and I am still struggling. I am not happy with what I weighed this morning and I literally have nothing to wear anymore as I have gone up about 3 sizes since my lowest weight. I joined Curves and have been working out religiously, but I still need to cut the booze and nibbling junk food. I got myself used to cheating my surgery by nibbling high calorie "food" that either turns to powder when you eat it (chips etc) or turns to liquid (sweets). I've been trying to get back on track by eating real food, and since I have re-trained myself to overeat, I try and pig out on real food and I end up barfing it up because I've eaten too much. So the surgery is still working, it's me that's not. Anyway, I'm still here and still fighting. I am really disappointed with myself as I need to shop in the plus sizes once again and it's really ticked me off. -=db=-

Hey db! I'm glad to see an update from you~its been awhile! I know you're disappointed in yourself, but it sounds like you're doing an awful lot of things "right" to me! You've got a good exercise routine going and you're aware of what's going on with your food intake~becoming aware is the first step to being able to make the changes you want to make. I hope things go well at your appt today~let us know what happens!

I just still have it in my mind that I am "fat girl" and still can't believe that I can be thin and fit. Maybe that's part of what's blocking me too. I dunno. I can't accept that I can be normal. -=db=-

db, the mind games by far IMO have been the toughest.....and without a doubt learning to love the new you and TRUST yourself.  I know you are disappointed but I feel you are headed in the right direction by realizing there are certain things you've done that are sabatozing your success.   Best wishes,

Hi DB... You certainly are not in this alone.  After 4 years, we just lose that new feeling and the exitement is gone and we wonder..."Is that it?"  "Could it have been that easy?"....and suddenly we find ourselves straying from all the good we did for ourselves. All the attention is gone and all the hooplaah is faded...so we start testing the limits that got us to become overweight to begin with... I did... I do... I ask myself all the time..."So why are you not estatic now that you are thin"....You know maybe we expect that thin people are so much more exiting and happy and that everyday life is supposed to be a party all the time...Nothing really changed for me once people got used to my new size. I keep wondering when my Cinderella life starts. It doesn't, I see. This is it!  I'm thin...I got what I wanted...now what ??? "...Everywhere we go...There we are..."  No fireworks or parades (unless you are cajun girl at mardi gras in a gorgeous gown)  I honestly think some of us start bad habits for attention even negative attention is better than no attention. Are we needy?  Maybe???  Maybe we need someone to remind us what a great thing we did for ourselves so we don't feel the need to grab attention with food. Maybe we feel that we need rewards and use food as a reward.  I really don't know why we go backwards when we worked so hard to go forwards...But I do know this...SUPPORT helps when you are with people who have been where you are. Non WLS people DO NOT understand at all. They can even be harmful to your success! That's why I'm here now...I was alone for 4 years...Never went to a support group or anything. I thought I could do it all on my own. I did, but I was really lonely. My fat friends were jealous...My thin friends didn't want me near their husbands anymore...Like, what the hello!???  I think I might have done better if I had stayed in contact with people who were going thru the same things as me. Support is important for people like us who don't know how to live in a thin body.  Once no one had anything to say...good or bad...it was weird...Really scary lonely.  I am having a really good experience allowing myself to talk about my downfalls...and helping someone build up their confidence is the attention I may have needed and didn't realize.  Reaching out can only bring you some peace.  Maybe it's the kind of attention you need to help you get thru being a normal person in a thin body. And living a dull, normal, no fireworks kinda thin life....So stay and talk about it...I still feel better knowing that I don't have to do this whole thing alone if I don't want to. Maybe someone here hits that spot that kick starts your confidence in yourself just because they understand... Big hugs Anita   

As fate would have it, Dr Simon was still in surgery and I had to move my appt to Thursday. Think I can lose 30 pounds by then? I did it four years ago! Ha ha. I remember losing 15-20 pounds in a week. Ah, those were the days. So, I am having some clear soup (boasts of being -0- Weigh****cher points) and will have a chicken caesar salad after. I thought about going out and getting something yummy but decided to stay the course. I am not doing myself any favors by eating things that are not good for me. It is so weird though, some days I can totally pig out, like eat a whole Marie Callendars meat lasagne (the "single" serving size) and other days two bites of chicken does me in and I'm barfing. I need to stay motivated and I am really looking forward to Curves. I really like that and always look forward to going. I will keep that up. Hopefully I'll see some results soon. -=db=-