How Do I Put This? OH, I Know, I Messed Up!

Let me start off by saying I'm 14 months post-op lap RNY.  I've lost (counting what I regained over the holidays---146 pounds). Let me start off by saying I know everyone goes through very trying, scary and sad times in their lives, and I know I am not an exception to that rule.  I know RNY doesn't stop you from eating inappropriately because your life is very stressful and saddening. I'm fragile right now due to what is going on in my life and loved-ones, so I binged yesterday. (Well, binged as much as you can with RNY. ) I payed for it dearly by becoming very familiar with my toilet and that my baseboards in the bathroom need a good scrubbing.  lol I was in the bathroom from 1:30 until 6:30pm.  Ungh.  I'm GLAD though.  This means this is tool is working for me, although I did feel like something was trying to trip out of my stomach, and intestines Alien style. I've gotten ****y. I'm 14 months out and right now pounds seem to fall off of me but I know this will stop. I have a psychiatrist, and when I tell her this she is going to be none too happy since she thought this would improve my life and she  kinda  got the ball rolling on all of this for me in the first place. What I need from you all is what you do when life swings you a curve ball, and I'm not talking a bad day, I'm talking serious medical things happening to my family, my husband, my father-in-law, etc. How do you stay strong and say "I'm not doing what I did for years to my body! I am not longer going to abuse my body with food!!  I will not eat that junk!" when it seems like it will cure all of your problems.  I did learn it didn't help a bit and made things WORSE. Oh the agony.  I'm in such a fragile state right now and am scared out of my wits that I'll gain all this back (btw, I gained 4 pounds over the holidays.  UNGH.) it also doesn't help that I live in Chicago and walking is out of the question.  That is my favorite form of exercise--power walking. Any advice would be appreciated.  Just keep in my mind my state of mind right now.  Thanks! I want the truth, but please don't flame me. Don't sugar coat, but please don't blast me either.  I'm going to post this on the main board too because I don't ' know how much activity this board gets.  I've never posted in this forum here before.

I have ALWAYS been an emotional eater. It didn't change much after surgery, except, as you mentioned, the amount that you can actually 'binge' on. I honestly don't know HOW I do it. I stay on this site during the week. Reading the thoughts, suggestions, and struggles of others helps me. Some have great tips. I read about people *****gain large amounts and it scares me. I read posts from those who think RnY sucks and it motivates me, as I LOVE proving people wrong. I HAVE kept my weight off, and I want to keep it that way. Lately I have been 'bitten' so to speak. I have taken stock and paid a bit closer attention to what I am eating. I have lost 2.5 pounds this week. So yes it will continue to work, even if you are far out.

One thing I do that has helped with unnecessary snacking is to stay full on water/Crystal Light between meals. It really keeps me from snacking. I also go for a long stretch during the day when I don't eat,and I think that wasn't helping (the space between lunch and dinner). SO I have been making sure I get in a bit of a protein type snack then and it seems to be helping. I really don't feel ravenous between meals anymore. I have also switched to drinking 8-10oz of milk with my evening vits.

Now if ONLY I could rid of my bedtime snacking! Best of luck, you aren' t alone!!!

Thank you for your kind reply.   I do tend to get worse of a night, but yesterday was an exception.  I want to prove everyone wrong, but more importantly, I want to prove myself wrong.  I want to prove to myself that I am not a failure, that I can pursue my dreams, and that I can do this.  Is it easy? No. Nothing great in life worth achieving is easy, imo.  Thank you for reaching out to me.   It means more than you think during this hard time. Right now I'm being a good girl and drinking a protein shake  for breakfast. I have noticed I haven't been drinking enough water again.   Time to start that up again! Take care of yourself and congratulations on your wonderful success. You are an inspiration. :)

First of all, sorry that you are going through a hard time.  Glad you have a therapist to talk to and be accountable to.  Be honest and work with him/her to get a strategy for dealing with what you are going through. I'm far from a saint and I have overeaten and grazed and done some emotional eating in the past year.  I was diagnosed with breast cancer just over a year ago and went through 5 surgeries total for lumpectomies, mastectomies and reconstruction.  That was followed by my FIL in the hospital for 51 days and then in a nursing home for 6 weeks until his death (it was NOT expected at that time at all... months later perhaps but not then).  Then I have had terrible disk problems in my lower back and then abdominal issue and I have yet another surgery in December for an internal hernia and adhesions. How did I survive it all?  One second at a time.  Did I overeat - sometimes.  Did I medicate myself with food - several times.  Did I graze - sometimes.  Did I gain?  Yep.  I'm up 10 from my goal but I was at one time through the early stress down 12 under my goal.  All and all I'd like to lose 15 lbs.  (Also, my back has been so bad that exercise is extremely difficult too and I'm sure that contributed to the gain as well - no excuses... most was what was put in my mouth!) The key for me was that while I didn't do all that I could to keep things good... I didn't let anything spiral out of control like I would have in the past.  I did keep my eye on the goal (weight).   I didn't give up.  I didn't get into the "I"ll start on Monday thing...".   I think that while I have a way to go with my behaviors... my behaviors were far better than they have ever been - and  honestly that's great!  Being aware that you are eating out of what is in your mind/emotions is a big step.  Luckily I dump on incidental sugars so I never resorted to eating real sweets since surgery which were always addictive and would trigger huge cravings.  I'm grateful not to have had sugar in just under 3 years (since the start of my pre-op diet in mid-February 2005). Anyway, this is not an all-or-nothing thing.  Look at all you've accomplished.  Take things slowly.  Put good behaviors back in there.  Get rid of the trigger foods for the binging.  You know that you get get back on track by going back to basics.... protein focused eating, vitamins, water, exercise. Good luck, Kathy

Thank you for such a heartfelt reply.   I am so sorry you have been through so much heartache as of late.  :( I guess the thing for us to remember when the going gets rough, is that getting obese again certainly isn't going to help our health situations or help us help others who need us. Again, thank you for your kind post.  It means more to me than you know. Back on the wagon, lol!

You are so very right.   Eating and getting obese again isn't going to resolve any of the difficult situations we go through.  In fact, it makes it worse as health issues may resurface. I know for me, when I've been down... I can always tell when I'md oing better because I start to get organized around my house or at work.  I think it is a need to feel "in control of something".  Well, one of the easiest things (technically speaking of course) is for us to control what we put in our mouths.  So perhaps focusing on eating healthy during times of chaos is a good way to HOLD ON to something.  Right?  Sounds good to me.  Now I'd like to practice it.  LOL! Kathy

That's so odd you mention that. I've been on a cleaning frenzy today and I didn't realize it was my need to control the chaos around me. Wow. Using food, and being in control of it, is another way of staying on the straight and narrow.  Of course I won't take it to extremes.

Yup... though the cleaning could also be a PMS-inspired nesting-thing - I used to get that every so often (not every cycle but every couple of ones) - wish I could bottle that!!!!  But definitely when I found myself doing chores and such like a bandit... I knew that my body/mind was trying to pull out of the doldrums. Extremes in anything isn't good.  Just do your best.  If you stumble, get right back up and dust yourself off and move on. Gosh, I wish I could practice more of this. I talk a good game.  LOL.

Practice what you preach, girl! LOL

Do I hafta?