angry, confused and so mad at my Surgeon

First let me say that yes, even after 4 years I still see my surgeon everymonth for B12 shot and weigh in. It make me feel acountable. With that said I have been honestly and truly busting my butt for over 2 months now meaning I have been following "the rules" 100%. I have been getting up at 5 am every morning and hitting the treadmil. I have given up sweets, something I had not peviously done (if you have ever read any of my posts you know I consider myself a sugar/flour addict). I have given up my one cup of morning coffee daily because I like it with cream. 9 months ago I gave up alcohol (it was occasional but I still gave it up). I have been eating lean protein mainly & even added green salads (Goodness I hate salad). I am also also going various additional workouts daily and getting back on the treadmill in the PM. When I saw the Doc last month I was up 1 pound, tried not to freak because I knew I was doing everything right and I was in the middle of my period. Now I see him again last nite, my second full month of hating life because I miss my sugar and hate hate hate exercise and dont ya know I am UP ANOTHER POUND.   I just dont get it. I was sitting in his office trying not to freak out. I was getting hooked up to the meter thing that measures fa****er muscle etc...to hopefully blame it on muscle gain (goodness knows I hate that statement also) But it wasnt.   It was a plain ole pound gain which means in 2 months of busting my hump I have managed to put on 2 pounds. Still sitting there trying not to freak I calmy asked the doc if he had any helpful ideas...he turns to me and says "you obviously must be eatting 3000-4000 calories aday" well thats when i lost it....I freaked out on him   I told him he has knkown me too long...I wouldnt be worried if I wasnt doing rigth....I can not exercise, eat wheatevr I want & maintain  but exercising & "dieting" I am gaining & I told him "do you know how many oreo cookies I would have to eat go get in 4000 calories, I do because I know every damned calorie I put in my mouth and at 50 calories each I would have to eat 80 oreo cookies and I paid you $17,201.15 to NOT allow me to eat that much."  See i told you guys i was upset. I dont know what to do. I dont want to give up exercising but I hate it...I dont want to complain because I have maintaing my loss until this 2 pound gain and I know 2 pounds is not alot but I am so so devistated. I didnt know who else might understand so I am sending it out to my WLS  world.   Diana RNY 9/17/03 360/198/never making it to 180

Hi Diana:

I probably can't help, but I CAN sympathize.  I am only just over a year out, but stopped losing at 10 months and am now almost 15 months out.  I am following the rules, get up at 4 am to exercise every day and feel like a failure at this too.

Granted, I lost 20 pounds in the year before surgery, 11 pounds on the liquid diet, and a whopping 61 pounds in the first 10 months, so I AM grateful, but no where NEAR goal.

When I ask my surgery team about it, they just say........"Don't worry, you are not done losing, it will start again, nothing is wrong, you are doing everything right, nothing is broken (they pretty much claim that it would be impossible for it to be broken), yada, yada, yada........" I have been complaining about slow to no loss almost since the beginning, but they say not to worry.  Easy for THEM! When I saw them in October, the nut said if nothing changed in 2 months to contact her and she would take a closer look at my food logs (which I had with me at the time....).  So, I have been logging everything onto SparkPeople every day and emailed her everything last week and have not heard a word. So......sorry to jump on your vent, I just wanted to let you know that you are NOT alone.   Don't give up on the exercise though because it really IS very good for you and eventually, you will kind of grow to like it. I will watch this thread though an see if someone has any sage advise to offer. Hang in there, what else can we do?

Thansk for your support. I feel some better today. Less angry. I worked 11 hours yesterday and went home & jumped on the treadmill.  I cant give up  I just cant Thanks' Diana

Diana: First off, kudos for your loss and maintenance! Now, don't give up exercising.  Despite weight maintenance it's important to fend off arthritis and heart disease. The hand held fat meters are not accurate, I think you need to do a fairly complicated test to see if it is really a fat v. muscle gain. If you're truly following the rules 100%, it must be muscle OR maybe your body is in starvation mode.  Maybe you should meet with a nutritionist.   Finally, and this is gross, since you're following the rules 100%, you're not eating many if any carbs...are you able to um..."go"? Keep up the good work!  You're an inspiration!

Thanks for your kindess. and yes I go potty fine these days ;-)   I am not giving up exercise evn though I hate hate hate it.  I just wi**** made sense to me Oh & the inspiration comment cracked me up.....I am so hard on me  Thanks again Diana

You know sometimes our bodies adjust to what we are doing, and the only way to lose weight is to shake it up a bit. My advice, go 2 weeks (yes 2), eat normally...meaning stop dieting and stop exercising.  Then go back to doing what you are doing now...except go back in with a different exercise routine, I'd highly recommend light weight/resistance training if you haven't done it before.  This will shock your system, and in most cases will cause you to lose weight. Scott

I am afraid if I stop I wont go back. I do mix it up excpet for the am treadmil which i just started 8 weeks ago. I think my body just hates me , ok maybe disikes me heheh Thanks for your advise Diana

Please, please do not give up exercising!!!  If you hate it, find something you hate the least and do it!  I had the same frustration last year and decided to stop wasting my time exercising if it wasn't helping me lose any weight...Oh my God, I gained 20 pounds so fast it was crazy!  You may not realize it, but exercise makes a big difference in your weight loss.  It also makes a big difference in your appearance, it makes your body look more compact and solid, no matter what your weight is.  And I know this is easier said than done, but try to not get too caught up in numbers....I know that was part of my downfall...the number on the scale wasn't what I wanted but my goodness, the quality of my life went up soooo much!  That is what I should have focused on.   Instead it took away from the joy of my weight loss because I didn't get down to goal, although the plusses far outweighed the minuses. It's always a balancing act.  Pleasure in your life, versus fighting the war of weight loss.  You have to find a balance in between, so that losing weight doesn't become such a chore that it kills all your happiness.  the entire reason for losing weight is to have a better quality of life. It took me forever to figure that out and I had my surgery right around the same time you did, so I can relate to what you are going through.    

I think (or maybe I hope) that the reason I obsess so much about my weight # is simply because it is still so big. 198 pounds is huge,  even men cring at that number.  I dont care how tall you are or skinny looking (because I am honest enough to know that most of my bones do stick out)   Just tell anyone you weight 198 and you see horror on there face. I weigh more than most of the american gladiator say they do. :-P Thanks for tryin to help  I do appreciate it and am feeling better today & I did work out last nite... Thanks Diana

Diana: Think I can relate to. I'm a size 12 but I weigh 200-205 lbs.  My highest weight was 450, and i'm happy with my loss.   I wear the 12 b/c of the extra skin. I would def. be a 10 with plastics. However, I hear that number and I cringe.  People at 230 have gastric bypass.  I see people who weigh almost as much as me that much and are a size 20!  Albeit, they are much much shorter than me...but it still affects me. I have 20 lbs of extra skin.  My surgeon confirmed, and I'm not getting TT until after I have a baby.  But, that doesn't stop me from feeling depressed about that number.