Happy New Years

Hello...it doesn't happen to often, but I have decided that it is time to post.  On a daily basis, I read the posts in the forum at least two or three times a day.  It has been a really interesting year.  I have worked hard to maintain my weight, yet..nobody seemed to be very happy.  Most people told me that I was too thin and too sickly looking.  I, of course, didn't see it or believe it.  I was concerned with a number that shouldn't have been so important.  Sadly, hearing how sick I looked convinced me that I needed to put on a little weight.  Can you believe it... time to gain weight!!!  HATED THE THOUGHT!!!!  Sadly, because I needed to add some weight, I ended up getting into old habits.  I would gain a pound...hate myself for it..and punish myself with food.  I have learned that I could eat anything.. pineapple...donuts...chips..etc.  I would be careful of what ate...but I also ate the wrong things..  Needless to say...throughout the year... I gained five pounds.  Hated myself even more...because of it...but in reality... I knew that I was healthier looking and healthier in general.  Sadly, as the holiday times have approached, I allowed myself to enjoy family gatherings...traditional cooking...etc...  If I step on the scale... I am about twelve pounds heavier then I want to be (actaully 20 pounds heavier then I want to be....)... Sadly though.. I am also at my healthiest.  I hate the contridiction between what is best for my body..and the number in my head.  Well, I have rambled enough... I hope to be better this year at responding and posting...and not simply reading....  HOWEVER........... I could really use some contact with others...  Could really use the e-mails...and personal chats with others!!!!

At my ideal weight I was told the same thing...looked too thin...unhealthy etc. Then, when ya gain weight...you're told ya need to lose ! Your either too skinny or too fat ! I have been there done that. I have been small...in between....and large. Bottom line, I'm trying not to be too hard on myself anymore & let others make me feel bad. We've been thru too much with the surgery & earned our way. We just need to stay focused, think positive to be happy with ourselves...I think anyway  Twenty pounds? Not much!!!! You can do it !  Happy New Year to you too.