weight gain... so discouraged

I am 5 years post-op, never quite made it to goal (missed by 5 lbs) but have gained over 40# since my lowest weight (BMI 26) 3 years ago. Since I got married 3 years ago I have been gaining steadily. The last 25# have packed on in the last 15 months alone.  I can attribute it to stress and life changes and hormones (miscarriage last year, new job, new city/house, death in family, DH unemployed, 2 more miscarriages this year), but I know that the weight gain is all my fault. I feel like such a miserable failure.  I failed my WLS and my body failed me. I KNOW what I need to do, but I have such terrible bad habits that I can't seem to let go of.  I'm a couch potato and an emotional eater. It's popular to say that WLS is not brain surgery, and I have always struggled with my food choices and aversion to exercise.   I am so extremely depressed right now.  I don't want to "do" Christmas this year.  Just thinking about seeing my family and "exposing" my flaws and failures makes me want to die.  Let's not even mention all the food temptations around the holidays.  I realize that 40 pounds doesn't sound like a lot, but I am not like some WLS grads who get down to size 4 and later jump up to size 8.  That's a sob story that I ain't buyin'.  Size 8 isn't even in my dreams.  My smallest dress size was a 14. My BMI is 32.5 today. That's "obese," folks.  No one can tell me that an "obese" BMI is not fat.  None of my clothes fit me.  My wedding ring doesn't fit me.  I look hideous.  I feel horrible.  I have panic attacks every day.  I am hungry ALL THE TIME.  I have ruined my pouch with carbonation and overindulgence.  I'm addicted to food, even though there are a lot of things I rarely touch anymore.  I sometimes feel like I'd be better off eating the pasta, potatoes, rice and white bread that makes me throw up so that I could become bulimic.  Maybe that would help.  I even find myself wishing that I could contract some horrible disease or a parasite; it feels like the only way I'll lose weight.  It's a trerrible thing to say, and a terrible way to feel.  I feel as desperate now as I did before my surgery and I don't know how to fix it.  I don't know how to turn off the crazy. I come to this forum from time to time, looking for help, but sometimes all the success stories and advice make me feel like the most worthless WLS grad alive.  Belive me, I KNOW that I need to exercise, I KNOW that I need to be careful about my food choices, I KNOW what I need to DO to lose weight.  But I also knew all that BEFORE my surgery, and it didn't help me then, either.  I just can't figure out HOW to do it without losing my mind.  I guess I just need to vent, and I need to know if there are other people who feel lost and discouraged after gaining weight post-op. 

Hi there,  I'm so sorry that things are going awfully right now.  Sometimes it seems like life can't get worse, and then incredibly, it does get worse.  I do know what you mean about feeling like a failure.  Last year I gained 35 pounds in about 3-4 months.  My BMI was 30.1, I was also "obese" again.  I was miserable and felt like a failure.  You're not a failure and neither was I.  You are much smaller and healthier than before you had surgery.  And you may not believe this, but the size 4, 8, 10, etc... are usually feeling like failures, too.  For many of us, we've yet to feel beautiful or successful for more than a few days or minutes at a time.  I believe our brains are screwed up and we need a lot of help to feel good about ourselves.  I find support group to be essential.  If there's one near you, start attending.    I don't have any advice about how to start losing weight again, only want to say that you're NOT a failure.  Becky

I think many--including wls surgeons--forget that obesity is a complex disease with many contributing factors, so it is easy to heap all the blame on the person.  Your eating habits and lack of exercise do contribute to your weight regain, but so does your own body's genetically determined functions.  Like diabetics, we can manage our disease but not cure it.  And no one is expected to be perfect.  But we can make some better choices.   I would recommend that you start with finding some support groups.  See if there is a free wls support group in your area.  If not, check out TOPS, Weigh****chers, whatever, to get you the support you need from those who understand what you are going through.  I am a bookish person, so I really like "The Beck's Diet Solution."  It is all about changing the way you think and your self-talk in order to change your behavior.  And you take small steps in it rather than go "whole hog" and then fail, yet again.   Because of the panic attacks and such, you might even consider personal counseling, especially if you could find someone who treats wls patients  or those with eating disorders.   Go back to your doctor to make sure everything is still working as it should.  I'm sure he/she has seen others with regain as well.  It may be humbling, but it is always good to have another level of accountablility.  Use it as a motivator!  And once you know that, all still works, then you can hold on to that it will work if you make better choices. It will never be easy--especially at Christmas--to change our habits and lose weight.  But you really can do it.  Call on that strength of character that got you through the surgery (and the often time arduous process of even getting to the point of surgery) the first time.  You've done it before and you can do it again. The thing is, you may not ever reach goal; you may never have a "perfect" month.  But you can always do just a bit better than the day before.   Good luck and don't give up, Sally

Ok, now that you've vented, lets move on.  You are valuable and worth the work and effort.  So, you fell off the wagon.  You can get back on, no one is going to yell at you or push you away.  i applaude you for being so honest, because that is the hardest step.  We are here to cheer youon. Many have found success with the pouch 5-7 day program.  Its in old  posts, check it out.  And lets see if we can help you get rid of the bad habits. Remember you are worth it.....:) You can't build rome in a day, but you can begin to make changes. Like clear out the cupboards of the damaging foods, and start a new food plan this week.  Be reasonable, its the holiday, but also go back to the basics, proteins, fruits and vegetables.  Perhaps cut out the white carbs for now and get your body back on track. You are right, you are a smart cookie, and knowing and doing are two different things.  I go to a weekly support groupto keep me accountable.  Others find help with therapy, and that may be a good thing for you too, to help you find out why you need to hide behind food or why food has to fill your love tank. Again....no one here will beat you up, only encourage you.  Let us know how. Don't listen to the lies the devil gives your mind about being worthless.  that simply is not true.  You've been through a really tough year, but you made it through.  So give yourself credit. Ok, you've gained, but you can lose it, and lets focus on that.  One step at a time, agreed? I am praying for God's peace for you girlfriend...that you would forgive yourself and love yourself. You are not fat and ugly.  You made some bad choices...but that is the past, today is a new day. We are here to love you through! merry christmas blessings, Tami

Hi... You're so not alone in this. So many of us go through it. Been there, done that, got the tee shirts from M to XXL. :) What do we do now?

Dear friend,      I so fully understand how you feel.  Regain is such a struggle and I have gained more than you have.  I was remarried just over two years ago and have gained about 40 pounds since then.  I feel sorry for my husband!  He truly got MORE than he bargained for...and I am so disappointed and disgusted with myself.  How could I give away this opportunity?      I know all the answers...I know what I must do.  It's the DOING of it that is my problem!  As for me, I'm not going to attack it today...or tomorrow.  I have to get through the holidays.  But, I MUST attack it and I know that.        Just want you to know that this is not abnormal!  I, too, feel the way you do when I read on this forum of all the "little" people.  But, such is life.  If I ever get back to where I was, I'll be ecstatic!

I'm a pre-op, but I just wanted to say thank you for being courageous enough to post this.  I would encourage you to find support as much as you can.  You did a good thing by coming here to OH.  We all understand how HARD it is to break food addictions.  You won't find judgement, finger-pointing, or disappointed stares here.  Keep coming back.  Keep posting your struggles and joys here.  Keep talking it out.  You can look back and recognize what a very difficult year you have had.  You can recognize what's broken and what is maybe still hanging on.  Having perspective is a really great start. You're not a failure because you've regained 40 lbs.  You just tapped back in to a deeply ingrained survival skill.  That doesn't diminish your worth as a lovely, precious person.  You still have a great tool to use to get you back on track.  Why not get back in touch with your surgeon and support team?  Tell them about your struggles.  They may be able to get you moving in the right direction and evaluate how "damaged" your pouch truly is.  And if it's damaged, they can help you with that, too. You're not alone and you don't have to climb this mountain by yourself.  So again, thank you for your strength and courage to call this out into the open. {{hugs}} Heather

Hey there, Sounds like you've been through it girlfriend. I can relate to most of what you're saying. Like you I know what to do, and I do it for about a wk. Then....you know the story. I too though that I had failed my WLS, but I know now that that is not the case. Try the 5dpt. It was refreshing to know that  "the pouch still works". I'm going to be prayng for you. Good Luck, and let me know if there is anything that I can do to support you. You are not alone.

Know that you are NOT ALONE. The reality is that most people who have WLS will gain back some of the weight they initially lost. I know it can get discouraging when all you hear is the good stuff, but sometimes it takes someone brave like yourself to talk openly about the struggles. I know that many, many people can relate. It sounds as though you have been through a tremendous amount of stress and heartache in the past two years. You have gone back to comforting with food and it sounds like you feel too anxious and depressed to get out, be active, and engage with life. Depression, anxiety, isolation, food for comfort, self deprication, etc....this is a very dangerous trap if not addressed asap.  I strongly encourage you to consider individual therapy, if you haven't done so already. A good therapist will help you to set goals and tackle the obstacles interfering with accomplishing those goals. A good therapist could help you to conquer the panic attacks that you are experiencing and learn healthier ways to cope with sadness and anxiety that do not always involve food. A good therapist will help you not to be so hard on yourself. I recommend someone who takes a cognitive-behavioral approach and if at all possible has experience with WLS, obesity, or eating disorders. Just like the book that was recommended in one the replies, cognitive therapy helps you to address the harsh negative thought towards yourself (the critic, the judge, the voice that say you are a "miserable failure" and "Most worthless grad alive" without compassion for what you have been through emotionally and your biological predispositions towards weight gain). The behavioral part involves addressing those behaviors that are negatively impacting your life and figuring out how to introduce and maintain more adaptive behaviors that are consistent with your goals.  Check your insurance if you have it, it may cover some mental health services. If cost is an issue, which I assume it might be with the DH being unemployed, there are low-cost options available out there. Many therapists will work on a sliding scale basis. Some universities offer low cost services for their social work and psychology trainees, sometimes you can find community mental health centers. If you need help with this, please let me know and I can try to guide your search. Maybe post on OH in your state for referrals? In the meantime, keep reaching out to the OH support. Remember, you are not alone with this. We are hear for you.

I have no profound words of wisdom for you. The other replies are all right on I think. I just wanted you to know that I am sorry you are struggling so hard right now, and I'm hoping it will get better for you. Seems like you may have turned a corner by venting, typing it all out, and looking for support.  This holiday season, I wish for you: 1. To be gentle with yourself, kind as you would be to your best friend 2. To feel the support you have here and elsewhere in your life 3. To be able to take it one day at a time 4. To experience success with taming the demons, and for that to breed more success 5. For you to be in a happier place a year from now, one where you feel more successful and in control Peace to you, friend... Kim