How does one get out of old "thought" habits?

He know's you had surgery to lose weight right?  I dont think there is going to be a problem then... He obviously likes you and what will be, will be. If he has a problem with it, then so be it. He wasnt worth it anyway.. My hubby wants a confident wife, he said everything else doesnt matter. He loves me no matter what! I would go about it a different way, maybe say... I havent been with anyone for a long time and Im a little uncomfortable. Dont tell him why. Just let him know. Good luck and hope all goes well!  Stacey

Ok, if I"m reading this correctly he knew you before surgery so he knew you at a heavier weight and still had a friendly flirtation with you. Now that you've lost the weight he is still very interested in you. I'm not sure which approach I would take?? You could sit down and talk to him about your insecurities b/c I think its a pretty universal problem for most women~you won't be telling him anything he doesn't already know I'd bet. I do have to say that even after 20yrs with my husband (married 14yrs) I am still insecure now, especially about my chest~its like tube socks w/rocks in them~just BAD! But, dh tells me all the time how it doesn't bother him at all! I have found that things appear much better in the dark, LOL!!!! Seriously, a dark room is VERY forgiving of our "flaws". My tummy feels completely flat and smooth when I lay on my back, my hip bones stick out nicely, my thighs don't seem droopy, etc. So there's no saying that he actually has to visually "see" anything!  Anyway, I'm betting that he likes you for you~flaws and all! I don't think you'll scare him away if you get intimate and if that actually did scare him away then I would bet that he's not the one for you!!! You are such a beautiful woman inside and out and I think he can see that for himself! Good LUck!!

Hi Tracy,

How are things going for ya? :) Yeah, i know that I need to get over it..and yes, it will definitely be in the dark..if I have anything to do about it. The makeout sessions are pretty hardcore, so its kinda hard to keep my mind clear..LOL I went out on our first date w/ him Saturday..and here it is Wednesday and I'm going on my 4th date!!! Can you believe that? I'm thinking he really must like me.. he has to.. no guy goes through all this just for sex right?

 

Jess

 

It sounds like he really like you to me!! And vice versa!!! I think that's wonderful after all that you've been going thru lately! Just try to go with it and enjoy yourself~it will all work out fine!!!

I have never been able to get over it. I have been with my Poohbear for over 2 years and lets just say its always dark, im always nausious and he is always disappointed that Im not position adventurous. I actually have my bestfriend take pictures of me (like she would be him) in different positions and I will not under any cir****tances let him see those views.  I am sure this is my problem but Im not willing to take the risk because when I was in my 20's I was dating a man who worshipped me....would be so so upset when people would mention I was fat...I was about 250 then. Well one day he and I were at the mall and old confident because my man loved me so much hopped on a digital scale and when he saw that I only weighed 2 pounds less than him...well lets just say the 2 year relationship ended within 3 days...no notice  no explaination. a year later he sent a note saying he was a turd but could get over that I weighed as much as he did, said he would have bet his life I was 100 pound lighter ( I use to get that alot). Anyway his loss but I wont risk it again.   I can tell you that for me...a pretty thigh lenght nite gown and me on top works best.  BOy that was too much info :-) Good luck  and if you ever find a cure PLEASE pass it my way. Diana RNY 9/17/03 5' 11"  Tall  360/196/forever aiming at 180 

Hi Jess, I have no advice cuz my dh pretends he doesn't see all of the "extra" hanging there. *L* I have often wondered how post-ops deal with this sort of thing. I know if I weren't married I'd probably feel the same way, if I had to do the dating thing. However, you did say he knew you when you were married? Did he know you when you were heavier? If so, I would think he might not be all that surprised if you had a sit down and chat with him. Most people have heard about the dreaded extra skin after weight loss. And of course I do think if he has grown to care for you, he might not care about the "package" to much. I'm the type that don't like bad reactions from others, so I'd probably go the "tell him and see how he reacts" route. This way he isn't surprised and you won't end up revealing something he doesn't need to see and have him react later. This indeed could lead to you having your feelings hurt in the long run, IMHO. Whatever you decide, I hope things work out and you are happy! Cassandra

Hi Cassandra, I think you are right. :) I just also wanted to say..you have a beautiful family! :) They are lucky to have you. And yes, he did know me when I was 130lbs heavier.