Dating after WLS..and a separation..

Hello out there, (Please do not flame me..we each have to go on our journey's in our own style) I am recently separated from my husband of 9 years and have moved out into my own condo and am enjoying the most amazing freedom. I've also noticed a tremendous surge in empowerment and confidence that I've never felt before in my life. Anyhow, at the urging of a few friends, I've attempted the online dating circuit. After 4 really, really disappointing dates, I'm hanging up the gloves. Is it too much to expect that the people who have a photo in their profile post a photo that actually looks like them? Last nights coffee date was a major disappointment because his photos were amazing and his profile was amazing and he was a middle school teacher who did counseling for troubled kids..win win right? NO, he looked NOTHING like his photo (his photo looked like a cross between Howie Long and Stone Cold Steve Austin) and his personality was awful..he appears to be a total tyrant to people including his daughter. Anyhow, the whole purpose of this post..   he kept looking at my arms. I wore a short sleeved dress and when I sit, or bend my arms..my little bit of hanging skin does a wrinkly thing. I have good muscle tone on them..its just the loose skin. Anyhow, I don't want to be self conscious, because that will cause problems going forward if it ever gets "intimate" w/ someone..but how have reactions been to loose skin from new interests? I will not see this guy again, but it bothered me that he kept looking at my arms...  He was very athletic, apparently back in the day he was an olympic hopeful..but anyhow.. feedback?  Jess

sorry you had a bad experience.  People can be such jerks.  When I was 35 I found myself single with 4 kids and was in the  dating game.  I found people, like you, to not be honest either.  I joined a paid dating service where they do backround checks and personality profiles etc.  At least I knew the person had to invest and be honest in how and who they were.  They did not share photos, only the office saw the pics. Anyway, look into something like that.  And as always, becareful.  Many jerks are out there, and this last guy was certainly one of them.  Golly...I bet he thought he was super buff without any flaws, right?  blessings, Tami

He wishes that he was super buffed.. apparently he was at some point..because of the photos he took..but I am almost convinced its a brother of his or something in the photos. :) LOL

Dating stinks! Doesn't matter how much you weigh. I dated before the surgery after my divorce as well. Obviously the big difference is after my surgery & I lost the weight was the "quality of men" changed. But jerks are jerks.....

I met my now boyfriend at a wedding - so he's out there!!

Hi there,  Yeah..this is my first time in the dating circuit. I was married at 20, widowed at 21 and then had "relations" I guess..not even dating..just kinda hung out w/ exclusively 3 guys that I had known previously (not even remotely considered dating..since none ever bought me dinner or even a cup of coffee) and then I met my ex, who is all in all a very nice man..but just not my type. Its the whole need that is ingrained in me to "latch onto any affection". I'm totally cool w/ taking a break from dating..because I'm learning to love myself and be confident and comfortable w/ the person I am.. and I need to believe that i am worth the fairy tale. :)  Jess

I just wanted to add that, being content with yourself, and loving yourself is like heaven on earth. I have a wonderful man that adores me , and love me for who I am. I am the first heaviest girl he has ever dated, and the only girl that his family and friends have met in his entire life. He is amazing. but I still have to continue to teach myself to love me, and make myself happy because no one can do that for you no matter how they treat you, or what the say to you unleast you believe it your self or think of yourself in a positive way.  Also, I remember when i lost alot of weight in the past and I had guy after guy, but I was never content. I always wanted to look different , act different , learn sexual things that will blow there mind, and I still wasn't happy. Not untill one day  I remember saying" GOD, I miss you and I miss myself." Help me to be content with Life , and with who I am. And I being to go to movies alone, shop alone, and just be in my own little world learning to love myself. I had gotten so burned out being something I wasn't that every time I rediscovered myself I was excited and so content. Men was after me , and I was like "whatever" you can't do what GOD can do for me" and that was teach me who I was and how to love me. Men are only icing on the cake, we are the total ingredients that make that cake taste so good, as well as RISE. Yeah, ahve you ever thought why men dont have YEAST infections, well that's why we(women) RISE. I pray that every women learn to love themselves,and there life , and purpose. I wise you all the luck, and pray taht you have wisdom that will show you when someone is right for you and when they are not. I tell you the man that is for you will admire your strength to take extreme measures (WLS) to fight for your life back. I do and Congratulation to all of you on your second chance!!! Jasmine

I feel you girl, I've been doing the online daiting thing as well, and I am amazed at the amount of deception involuved, men are lying about height, age, weight, and more importantly marital status. WHY LIE, especially if you have the intent of meeting someone? WHY? So after my subscription runs out this month, I'll be hanging my gloves up right next to yours...keep on trucking...

I know RIght? What is w/ the lying? Its my biggest turn off, period! I'd rather have an honest guy who looked like a Toad than a Gorgeous greek god who lied to me. Seriously.. The thing that gets me is that they want to meet up w/ you...and they look nothing like their photos. They also act differently than the million emails that are exchanged. How odd.

 

Oh well, LOL I'm cool off all of this for a while. :)

 

Jess

 

Hey Girl,

You are not alone in how you feel.  I have been divorced for over 7 years and have found that men are some really stupid jerks and will lie about everything.  The last guy I met was online and he was what is profile said, except he left out stupid, sorry, and just plain annoying .  So, I have also hung up my gloves too.  Take care, our Mr. Right is out there waiting for us. Cathy

Stupid boys.. if they could just realize honesty goes a long way..LOL