Update on the separation/divorce

Jess, I'm so sorry that you are going through the pain of divorce.  It's horrible - really.  It's a death of "something" but the "someone" is still there!   I typically stay out of the divorce/marriage posts.  I'm not good at them.  ANYWAY, I felt compelled to share with you that I've read through this post and I watched how you answered and progressed with highly cognitive reasoning and rationale.  Keep that mind set and you're going to be FINE!!!!!  Take some time to work on YOU!  Find YOU!  Do whatever it is you should have been doing before -- like taking an art class on a whim -- so what if you can't draw or paint -- are you curious?  Discover yourself.  When you discover yourself, know yourself, and accept yourself things will be easier.   You're on the right road, Jess!  You sound good! Hugs to you!!! PS    I recommend Divorce Care as well.  I'm familiar with the program and have heard nothing but fascinating testimony from those who passed through.  I also recommend the books "Knight In Shining Armour" and "He's Just Not That Into You!"

Oh great! thanks, I love to read and wanted to get some good self help books. I have heard about "he's just not that into you." and since I"m going to be entering the sea of dating at some point, I want to be armed with the knowledge to know it is okay to be picky and choosey. Thanks! :)  jess

Hi Jess. I am so sorry to hear this and it's such a difficult time for you. Your feelings are so understandable and so normal, who wouldn't be hurt by his actions? Are you guys separating with the hope of getting back together? If so, and if you'd like, there are several things I might recommend to you. It's really hard to rebuild a relationship when one of you is doing things to tear things apart. :( Please let me know if I can help you further. Warmly, Kathy

Hello Kathy, I am not wanting to rebuild the relationship, and honestly believe we are not right together and we should never have gotten married. At the point in my life when we did get married, I was feeling very self loathing and all of my friends were getting married, I was overweight and he was the only possiblity of a "marriage", so I took it. He actually had not wanted to get married, I threated to leave if we did not and yeah..4 years later we realize what a huge mistake that was. We both take accountablity for that, but right now he's hurting because since my surgery, He said he's fallen in love with me again and is now "attracted" to me physically more so than before. That says a lot right there. Now I'm working on trying to love myself and find out who I truly am..because I've never in my life been completely by myself. I'm very optimistic about it, but its still hard to see him jump right back into the dating saddle and do things with this girl he never did with me. But no, we are not going to reconcile, we just want to be able to be friends at the end of the day. We care for each other, but I don't think I was ever in love with him, and I don't think he realizes that he was never in love with me. We both settled.  jess