Update on the separation/divorce

Hi all, i've not been on here for a while, I've been a little pre-occupied with my separation from my spouse. This whole thing has turned him into someone totally different. He's enjoying being "single" so much that he's already seeing another girl and spends almost every evening and weekend with her. I thought I'd have no problem with this, but I apparently do. I don't want to be married to him, but I guess I didn't expect him to move so quickly.  I'm moving into my own place on the 9th of November and hope that we can cordially continue to live together until then. He's promised me he wont' bring her over to the house until I move out, but the alternative is that he's always gone and is doing things w/ her I used to beg him to do with me..like working out at the gym on the eliptical machines with me..or going out to the new Ultra Lounge in town. He's known her for 1 week and is already pretty involved. I know that part of it might be him trying to get through this separation..but I'm not sure if I'm jealous because he's got someone else, or if there are some stagnant feelings still there for him. I don't want anyone right now either.. I just really look forward to being alone. My friend encouraged me to join a singles website, and I did,and I have a lot of interested folks, some I might be in interested in..but I don't want to do that right now.. or even in the near future.. I'm just kinda floating right now. I've lost 4 lbs in the past 2 weeks..and I don't like the way I lost it. Although, I guess I should be glad that I'm not emotionally eating. But other than that, and my sisters jealous blow up..i'm just packing at night and getting ready to move into my place. I'm excited about that.. that really makes me happy. I love my condo and I love the freedom it will allow me. I think I will be fine when I get out. I'm seeing a therapist and just trying to make good decisions that aren't emotionally motivated.  I'll try to be on line more..but not sure when I'll be able to get internet access in my condo..pretty expensive to do the set up on that.  - Jess

I am sorry to hear things haven't worked out with your spouse. I always hear that men start dating right away when they separate, it's re-bound girl! Anyway, being alone isn't all that bad. I would suggest trying that before jumping into the dating pool again. But, being alone is all I really know, so for me it's not a big deal! -=db=-

yeah, I know what you mean. I am just afraid if I hermit too much I'll just stay there. (My biological dad is a Manic Depressed Hermit). But, I don't want anything serious..or really at all right now..I know what you mean about being alone.. I've been lonely for years, but this is the first time I'll be "just alone" and not lonely. :) jess

Being morbidly obese for years taught me to be the sensible platonic friend, and I've never gotten away from that. So I actually don't know how to date! I am ready for a relationship, but, doesn't seem like anyone else is! -=db=-

My daughter is getting a divorce too. Y'all should meet and talk. She's going through a lot of the same things. There's more horse's asses in the world than horses.

There certainly are a lot  more horse's asses than horses. :) I like that saying. I never in my life thought that I wanted to be alone, but its all I can think about. I've had some good looking men approach me and I want none of it. I imagine that it will be a while until I'm ready to get back on that horse. :) jess

Hi Jess, Im sorry you are going through this, but I understand where you are coming from.  I split with my husband of 26 years, 6 weeks after surgery, and whilst I didnt want him any more, it was funny how quickly he moved on and in with his 20 something new girlfriend.  I am two and a half years out from separation and still havnt dated anyone, preferring to be on my own at this time.  I joined an on line dating thing too, but have turned everyone down and I just dont feel ready.  I think its pretty lousy that your ex is doing this while you are still living together , and doing the things you wanted to.  I know I was pissed because my husband would never take time off work to go on a holiday with our family, but has just done a big 5 week overseas trip with his girl friend.  Men are strange and I will never understand them hugs, Helen

Thanks Helen, I just would never have thought this of him. I have in the past hour spoken with my therapist (our marriage counselor) and she said this is a man's typical reaction to divorce, or being left. They just go and get another "fish" as soon as possible to stop the pain, or redirect it. But, doesn't make it any easier to live with. She was disappointed in him for doing this while I was still in the house. I move out on the 9th of November. If I had another place to go, or money for a motel room I'd be out.  I just can't believe that he's had this potential all this time.

I'm sorry.  No matter how you look at it, this is painful.  You have lots to work through. I know when I went through my divorce, I went to a program at my church called Divorce Care.  Its a free class that goes on for several weeks.  I went through it 3 times for myself and two additional times with friends.  I will tell you, I healed alot in there.  A great support  group and a place where I could learn and validate my feelings and find out where I went wrong, so I wouldn't do the same thing a second time. Look for it.  Many churches offer it and it really helped me. I pray you will get through this ok.....make wise choices.....  It will get worse before it gets better. Dealing with the rejection is hard...and adjustments are not easy.  But if you surround yourself with wise people to help you through, you will be ok.  For me, with God by my side,i made it through.  Easy no.....want to go through it again>No.....but glad I did. blessings, Tami

I do plan on joining a divorce support group. I'm honestly though not had a lot of experience with support groups. The WLS support group that was in my area was full of bitter, unhappy women who hated that they were stuck w/ their men and now they had bodies to catch better one's..it was wrong. I did not like it.....and then look at me.. a year later, I'm leaving mine..but not for those reasons. We had problems that stemmed back waaaay before we even got married. This next time around, I'm not going to make excuses for those red flags that pop up any longer.. I refuse to make the same mistake again.  Jess