1 YEAR SURGIVERSARY

Hello Everyone!  This will be a rather long post because I have had so much happen to me in the last year, I don't even know where to begin.  But I needed to share with people who understood the joy and the pain of the last year.  I will begin by sharing my stats which may seem like I am bragging, but I am just awed and overjoyed by the success of this surgery.  I am 5'4" and I weigh 105 lbs as of this morning.  I have been at this weight for the past two months with a 1 to 2 lb variation.  I am wearing a size 4 and sometimes I even get into a size 2!  I feel like a different person when I gilde down the school hallways(I am a teacher) rather than clumping and schupping down them.  I have had no health related problems, and my levels are all good ( I do get b-12 shots).  I exercise erratically 2-3 times per week with mile walks.  I do not dump and sometimes get su*****redibly bad cravings for sugar that I find myself giving into them (weekly not daily). 

Some things I have found that are different have to do with others and some have to do with my own mental state.  With others I have found people coming to me for diet advice.  I have never hidden the fact that I had surgery and I openly admit it whenever asked.  Still, people seem to think that I know the secrets that will help them lose weight without surgery. I tell them that I didn't know how to do it without surgery myself, so I am not a great one to ask, but you would be surprised how many still want to know what I eat and how much in order to make a diet plan for themselves! My friends have remained my friends, I was afraid of losing them because I had heard how people change toward you when you get skinny, but I have been steadfast with them, so I think that the period for that has passed.  They were worried for me a bit because of how my face would look a little gaunt during each 5-10 lb loss, but it has filled out and remained the same for the last 2 months so I think they are over that.  It was a little annoying have to answer "Are you sure you are okay?"  on a daily basis, but now they are a little more realxed and easy with me.  However,  the skinny girls, who never had much time for me before surgery, seem to welcome into their skinny girl club now.  I am distrustful of these offers of friendship, but they do have some information that I need, so I warily allow them to enter my friendship circle.  (I have always had major trust issues) Another issue is my need for clothes.  I have always liked clothes and fabrics, but now I am at the point of being a shopaholic.  I do shop at thrift, consignment, and goodwill stores because a teacher's salary is not conducive to mall shopping, and I feel I am helping the environment to recycle and reuse.  I have found brand new (tags still on) leather skirts, Ann Taylor and Bannana Republic clothes at these stores.  Each item is one of a kind, but I often find myself buying anything that says a size 4 on it just because I am so happy that I fit into it, not because I really like it.  I shop all the time, and I really need to find something more fulfilling to do with my spare time. I was asked by the Habitat for Humanity thrift store if I wanted to start volunteering down there on Saturdays.  This might be fun but it might be too dangerous!!! I am eating more and more frequently.  Lately, I cannot go 2-3 hours without being hungry.  I try to make good choices, fruit, etc.  but at night I find myself resorting to sugar.  I am kind of worried about that, but not seeing an indication that it is adding lbs yet.  I drink constantly.  Hot tea is my favorite drink and I have a cup in my hand all the time.  My pouch loves hot liquds.  I probably drink 90 ounces of hot tea with splenda and 2% milk a day.  I drink decafinated tea after 5:00p. m.  but it is caffine during the mornings and throughout the work day.  I am good with most foods.  I love Wasa bread and eat way too much of that, but I follow the pouch rules about eating protein first, then carbs.  I don't eat any other bread.  Potatoes and Pasta mean I will need immediate sleep.  If I eat them, I will go to sleep within 20 minutes. So they are only for late dinners at home when this is possible.  In restaurants, I get the steamed veggies as a side everytime and forego the potato.  Tomatoes have saved my life this year,  I eat them all the time, cherries, grapes, vine ripened, etc. They are so good and filing to me.  I eat a lot of sliced ham and tomatoes and cottage cheese for lunch. My husband is very supportive, but becoming sick of hearing about surgery reactions and such.  He has been great about everything.  He worries about hurting me when we play physically in anyway, because I am so small now.  He is 6'3" and 250 lbs.  Sex is so much better because everything is so accessible, but breasts are gone totally , and he misses the cleavage though he would never say so.    Other men have been openly flirty with me, and he has even laughed at that, happy that I am happy and not worried a bit about losing me.  He doesn't have to worry, he is the best!!!1Men at work are funny.  They do not say anything about the weight loss itself, but they have complimented me on some things I have worn.  Very appropriate compliments and nice to receive.  The biggest male reaction has come from my father.  He seems to be thrilled at my becoming his "little girl" again.  I wonder if he feels that this turns the age clock back for him. Fear stays within me constantly eating at me like a wicked disease.  Fear that I will gain it all back, Fear that by putting that in my mouth I am sabotaging myself,  Fear that I will not fit into the clothes I purchased only yesterday.  Fear that I am not doing enough.  Fear that I will never like myself for who I am.  Yes I see that fat girl in the mirror.  Yes, I still think I weigh too much and would like to lose more, but I know that that is crazy!!  I see the loose skin, and I think that if I could only afford to have it removed, I would look better and weigh 10lbs less.  And, still, I know this to be crazy, yet I think it anyway.   Here is the big problem I find myself with.  My surgery and my new body is only important to myself!!!  I want to talk about it all the time.  Figure it out, Delve into the mental aspects of it,  dissecct each and every change to death.  I have no one to do that with.  Even other people I know who have had the surgery, don't like to talk about it much.  I want to explore every feeling I have about it.  I think I can do that here on the OH boards, but I think you might think I am wasting your time. I read your posts daily, but I don't post often because I feel that my pain and problems and question are not near as important as yours. Finally,  I am overall very happy and healthy, glad I had this surgery one year ago today, and glad to be where I am at.  I need to remind myself that things will change with time and age and that is natural, but while the miracle lasts, I must remember to enjoy it instead of spending so much time worrying about what is to come.  Thanks for taking the time to read this.  Thanks for being so much information and support for me this past year.  I hope you all do well, live long and be happy.  Delynn

Happy Anniversary Delynn!!!  :) I think you will find many who would be more than willing to analyze and discuss all the various aspects on this surgery - and on certain days that would even be me, and on same days it wouldn't.  Depends on my mood that day I guess.     One thing I have learned about this surgery is that we all need to learn for ourselves about our own bodies and our own struggle with this disease called obesity.  And let me tell you - it's not the same for every person.  I personally do not struggle with sugar addiction or carb addiction; but others do.  One bite and they crave more and more - believe me, you don't want to go there!  So if you find yourself going down that path - better nip that in the bud now, before the weight does start coming back on; and it most certainly can and will.   So it's good that you're wanting to delve deeper into this journey and learn; because it's those who do and who learn, that I believe will succeed long-term and know how to best use their tool to beat their own personal obesity battle.   This battle is as much or more psychological as it is physiological.   You need to get your head in the game to really beat this disease and win. 

Hello and congratulations! You have done fantastic. 105lbs? is that what you weigh at 5'4". You have gotten alot of weight off yourself, you are tiny. I am glad that you are healthy and happy. Alot of the things you have talked about are shared by others, I would say being a shopaholic is better than some other problems people can develop. As long as it isn't putting you into debt or harming your relationship with your spouse or causing you other problems. It is so exciting to buy clothes now with having gone down  so many sizes. The options are so many to choose from. I would watch out for those"bad carbs" though. The honeymoon period is coming to an end, They could come back to bite you. Take care keep us updated on your maintance phase. Sher

Delynn, first off Congratulations on your success! You've done a fantastic job and deserve to be happy and proud of your accomplishments! I am very willing at any time to discuss anything with anyone! Please don't ever feel that your thoughts or problems are less important than someone else's~we all have important information to share and remember that what you question or share might be of help to someone else without you even knowing it! Also, for me talking with a therapist gave me another "outlet" to discuss things like you've described (fears, still seeing the fat girl, exploring feelings, etc). I'm a worrier too so I understand where you're coming from, but try to enjoy life to the fullest every day!

Congratulations! one comment in your post got me...the one about your dad. My brother adopted me when he was 21 and I was 11. He was very concerned with me having WLS (much less going to Brazil to have it when insurance would have paid for me to have it here...but that is another story.)  He is not a very "demonstrative" person and one of his employees told me, "Your brother is so proud of you. He said it is nice to see that little girl face again. He said he had his sister back." Well, I just wept! Clothes: I think it is because we were denyed access to some of those fashions before. Now, instead of saying YES to everything that fits, I have to be more "discriminating" when I shop. Do I really want this?? Do I LOVE it?  My hubby too is great and is not jealous at all. He SHOULD trust me....I trust him. He stuck with me through thick and thin.  That fat girl in the mirror does disappear after a while. I think the FEAR stays around for a while though. Just do all those things you wanted to do when you were MO now that you don't have weight as an excuse anymore! Happy for you! Dianne from FL SW/ CW/ GW  5'10" 306/148/165  Open DS

I am in awe of your phenomenal success...I can't imagine weighing 105, I think I would look like a stick! I will celebrate my one year surgiversary in about 2 weeks and I am down 94 lbs as of today with my weight stable at approx. 129.4 lbs. My height is 5'2 1/2"...I went from size 1x 18-20 to a size 6 in 9 months! I don't think i will lose more although I will continue to malaborb for another 6 months. It took a long time for me to realize I am a thin person and it is finally hitting me. I have lots of energy too, no more sleep apnea but my diabetes, although under control, has not gone away. I too am a clothes horse and will not allow myself to spend alot but I end up buying more for less, I search the clearance racks, consignment shop sales and get hand me downs. I too find brand new items with tags in these places and it feels great! I have not had any sugar and don't plan to try to have any since I had a sugar addiction which only went away with RNY. I too feel that people pay more attention to me and men talk to me more now that I am slim. Fear is near me all the time too. So, Delynn, happy surgivarsary and good luck - hope all of your hopes and dreams come true!