Alice in Wonderland - need insight

I know this is the graduates forum, and i'm still a little over a month away from Surgery, but i'm in the process of have my psych evaluation done, and next time i go, we're going to discuss what has been the only thing that i've really worried about relating to the surgery. Emotional dependance on food. I'm an emotional eater, i already know that, and i try to stop myself when i catch myself doing it, or am in a situation where i would, but it scares me to think what my relationship will be to food afterwards.  Obviously surgery changes your desire for food and capacity for food, but it doesn't fix your brain. What have you long term graduates had to deal with when you've used food as a crutch your whole life?  The sheer unknown of post surgery life scares me as well, i've never NOT been overweight, i'm scared of people treating me different (in not a good way) and i'm scared of people close me to changing, i'm scared that I'M going to change (not in a good way).  And honestly..boys scare me lol,  being overweight is sort of like a barrier, physically and otherwise..i've not really had a lot of relationship experience.. How did all of that change for you in the months and years after surgery? THANK YOU

Everyone is an emotional eater. Period. Just that skinny ppl don't have the physical portion of the disease, so when they binge on choco chip cookies, they don't gain wt. We gain from THINKING about choco chip cookies!

So, we learn to use tools to help control the cravings, to help control appetite, to satisfy the sweet tooth. I use protein supplement for a lot ofm y "will power", but when I am frantic, I will eat a protein bar (or part of). At least I don't have to have the after-guilt if I have tried to soothe the pain with something helpful and not harmful.

Hi Andria, I just read your post and wanted to let you know that you are not alone in the way that you are feeling.  Your story sounds pretty much like mine.  I was 44 when I had surgery.  The best advice I can offer is that you go ahead and seek counseling now to help you adjust to the changes that are coming your way.  I am a very strong person and haven't had a lot of issues, but I have still had some.  Like, I'm not comfortable getting attention from men.  I probably never will be.  That's ok with me though.  I had surgery to correct health problems and they are corrected.  I think that you will be fine.  Just take it a day at a time.  If folks treat you differently in a bad way then they weren't true friends in the first place.  If you find that you are mistreating yourself though please don't hesitate to see professional help before it gets out of hand.  You are right about the surgery fixing the body, not the brain.  You know what though, You know what is coming your way in life if you DON'T do this.  That can make the unknown a little less scary.  Best of luck, and I hope that you get some more responses to your questions.

First off, I want to congratulate you on being 100 steps ahead of where I was before my surgery. These are all things that never really crossed my mind pre surgery and shortly after and then WHAM! They hit me like a ton of bricks!!!!!!  I don't think I ever really admitted to myself (or anyone else) that I was an emotional eater until about 18mths post op. That's when I really felt my controls starting to slip and of course I was physically able to eat more food, different kinds of food, etc. It scared the heck out of me and I got into see a therapist that specializes in eating disorders asap! Now I recommend that people seek therapy all during the process of wls b/c I think its so important to most people's long term success. Things still aren't "perfect" and I don't know that they ever will be~I feel I will always be an emotional eater to some extent~but I am learning tools to help me deal with and overcome this disorder.  As far as post surgery life goes, things will be different, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. I have lost some "friends" along the way, but yet I've gained some really TRUE friends too! People in general do treat me differently~clerks in stores are nicer, the door is always held for me, people look me in the eye and smile at me now~these are all things that I had to get used to b/c before I felt like I was always being avoided and at first it made me angry that I was treated that way b/c I was obese. You might change too~again not necessarily a bad thing. I've become much more self confident, I feel like my opinion matters, I guess I feel like I have a voice now where before I kind of hid in the shadows and always tried "not to make waves".  As far as the men go, take things slowly and you'll find someone that loves you for you no matter what your size. I was married for many years before having wls and my husband has loved me whole heartedly thru thick and thin. He saw me for me even when no one else did and I love and admire him for that! You will find someone when you're ready and that might take some time. but its well worth the wait! Many of us gain weight to use as a barrier from the world. We feel safe within our own cocoon. But, more often than not a beautiful butterfly will emerge and take flight~there's no better feeling in the world! To feel healthy, strong and in control of your life is an amazing thing! I wish you so much luck on your journey!

There is a great thread on this on the DS forum......since DSers have much more malabsorbtion then any other surgery, and since statistically we do not regain weight like other surgeries.....a lap bander posted...do we deal with emotional food issues.   They got a very mixed response....it might be something you want to look at. Scott

Andria, I think you're brilliant for asking long-term WLS patients how they're doing. I was so hung up on losing the weight, I didn't think much about how I would keep it off! I'm about 14 months post-op and haven't had any complications at all. The psychological part was really tough at first. You may not realize how important food is in your life (every social thing in our lives revolve around it, it's there when you're watching TV, shoot, I ate when I was waiting on supper to cook). Everybody else in the world will continue to live that way, and for a while you'll be there with your little sips of water and FF yogurt and baby food, not feeling the best in the world on top of that. I felt so alone and like an outcast for a few months. Just remember that it will change, and you'll eventually become a normal person again. I adapted to the new eating habits after a few months. I do still battle emotional eating, but it's a lot easier to control with the RNY. I went through a complete transformation on what food is for. I always try to eat something that will make me feel good when I'm finished or give me some nutrition and energy. I never, never thought that way before. And as for people treating you different, it does happen. When people see you get all skinny and feeling better about yourself, it may make them a little insecure. It's leveling off for me a little now, but it was bothersome for a while. It's all worth it though, every bit of it.