Update on me.. It looks like its the big D..and we both could not be happier..

I was divorced fourteen years ago.  My ex was not a wife-beater, not a cheater, not an axe-murderer; he was a nice guy. But I was no longer in love with him and I had lost respect for him (he was a poor parent to his kids from a previous marriage).

I'm glad to see that you are both relieved that you will be going your separate ways.  You will both do better separate than together. If others judge you for your decisions, ignore them. You are doing what's right for you two.  I hope you find happiness in your future endeavors. Hugs, Connie -147#

Thank you Connie.. you have no idea how much your post hit home with me.. Thank you. It certainly helps to hear I'm not alone in this. If I were to give advice to new couples looking at marriage.. I'd tell them that although passion fades.. and things may go bad..and possibly worse.. if you can remain "in love" with each other.. it will all work out..however if you fall "out of love".. then it might be time to let each other go.. unless you are lucky enough to re-ignite that spark.. My husband and I tried many,many times over the past few years to re-ignite..and it was just meant to be.. I am still a strong supporter of marriage.. just be sure you are "in love" with your spouse..as well as love your spouse.  Jess

Hi Jess! I don't know what to say other than I'm thinking of you!  I am glad to hear you were able to talk things out and leave things on a friendly note.  That is awesome to be able to do that for each other.  You have a whole new life ahead of you and I know you are going to make the most of it.  You deserve to be happy! Deanna  :)

Thank you Deanna. I think of you as a kindred spirit..and a good friend on these boards. I hope we get to meet in person some day. You're quote on your signature is so powerful..and it was my greatest fear.. to not "live" my life..  Well, here I go out into the great unknown...and I for the first time in over a year am blissfully terrified and ready to face whatever life throws my way. :) A wise person once told me "you are who you are today because of all your yesterday's".... I just need to find out who I am today. :) jess

Jess, I'm glad you are ending as friends.  Moving on with love in your hearts now will be so much better than waiting and living together with bitterness.  Be well, be happy and I hope you find some true love. Carolyn

Me too Carolyn, me too.. By the way, your twins are beautiful! jess

Thank you.  Every time I think of following your example I look at them and tell myself- I can take 5 or 10 more years...  At least Keith is a fabulous father.

Hi Jess! I didnt see your earlier post but it sounds like you both have come to terms with what is best for both of you.  We never know which way our lives will lead us...but if we continue to grow as a person a long the way..that is what is important. I divorced twice and had a child in both marriages which made it even more difficult.  It takes two to make a marriage work but I dont blame anyone now.  I blamed myself for many years because I chose men that I was NOT in love with.  Now why would one do that?  I have no idea...guess the self esteem and wanting to make it work....but I did enough beating myself up for not being happy and that is when the bulk of my weight was put on. Funny thing is...even after all that, (they both hated me and still do for leaving them which is sad) I never said I wouldnt get married again.  I try to look at the positive...I have two beautiful sons and I have grown into the person that I am today.   Lots of counseling to work on ME and finally met the man of my dreams almost 10 years ago.  Now married 4 years. WLS was the icing on the cake for me...well that and PLASTICS! lol... I'm proud to say I will turn 49 years old in November and I am finally LIVING THE LIFE I DESERVE!! GOOD LUCK TO YOU!  IF you can stay friends...then all the better!  I still have one bitter EX even after 10+ years....too sad for him....but he is my sons father and he loves his son the best he knows how...my job is to LIVE and teach my children how to be honest, hardworking, loving people with OODLES of SELF WORTH!! WE ARE IN CHARGE OF OUR OWN DESTINY!!    Why live a life of misery when you can CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY!!  Whatever that means to you!! Hugs from CALIF!!!   Julie  =)

Thank you Julie, you are located right here in my backyard..or am i in your backyard.. :) I'm looking forward to the next chapter and I'm so relieved that we are going to be able to work through this and remain friends..and I bet we will be very good friends at that. We always got along on the friend front..it was the "in love with" that we had issues with. I am vowing now to never again get married to someone I am not in love with. I was deeply in love with my first husband and the universe decided they had other plans for him.. so I am vowing to not get attached to someone in any permanent way unless there is some serious 'in love" vibe going on. I applaud people who can marry their best friends..thats just not for me.  Jess