Something that has NEVER happened to me before, not sure if its good or bad.

Yes, thank you..and from my post you can see that I already determined that I'm never doing that again. :) Lesson learned.

Hi there! I don't post here very often but I just had to answer your post ... we're only 1 day apart on our surgery dates!  And, I can relate to your post so much. Even though I haven't been lucky to enough to have a guy hit on me like that, I'm having some rought spots in my marriage right now ... just like you mentioned about how ambitious and motivated you are right now.  Me too, and my husband is not.  We are falling further and further apart and it scares me!   Anyway, I don't think you did anything wrong ... you were honest and up front with this guy.  Who, by the way, is probably not someone you'd want to get involved with anyway seeing as he knew you are married and it didn't stop him from trying!  But, you felt flattered and beautiful and there is no shame in that!  We've spent our whole lives feeling like we blended into the background so it's nice to feel like a shining star!  I don't have any magic answers for you but I wanted you to know I can relate to the stresses this weight loss is having on my marriage too!   Deanna  :)

Thank you so much for posting Deanna, and you are beautiful by the way! that is a wonderful photo of you. You've got an amazing smile.  It is so hard to know when a marriage or even relationship is truly over. I thought it was a few weeks back, but things seemed to rally back, I was able to blame it on my hormonal imbalances and the fact that I was recognizing a recurrance of my old depression...so I got what i needed to get  (meds and therapy) and started to pull it together...but whatever we had 2 weeks ago..is once again gone. We are heading to Hawaii in 9 days to celebrate my parents 35th wedding anniversary with them, and I just feel so sad..because I think on some level I know I will not ever do that with my husband. I don't even know if we can make it through the end of this year. The hard thing is that I know this is hurting him...but he's just accepting it saying "if you're going to leave me, you're going to leave me....why do I need to change who I am, or fight to keep you when you want to leave." doesn't he understand... I want him to fight? He won't even fight with me. So now, all the passion is really gone.. the only thing we had left for a while were arguments..and now..its just silence. I should not be this "dejected" about going on a 7 night vacation with my husband..and parents.... but I am.  and yeah, thank god for all the folks on this board pointing out that the "bar" guy was not a knight in shining armor..LOL but some creepy dude who has no respect for marriage. Not that I am showing it much respect these days.. sigh.. I guess "this too shall pass' and no one knows what the future holds, but I will keep you and your husband in my thoughts and hope that both of us have better situations to report on soon.. My friends and family keep telling me "Jess,  you need to do what is best for YOU..stop worrying about hurting your husband..he will survive and move on.."... I just dont' like hurting anyone..    Hope things change for us both. :) - Jess

Look. Men don't fight for their lady like the story books. As much as I am NOT a dr. laura fan, PLEASE read her care and feeding of husbands becasue it sounds like you expect him to be your knight in shining armor. YOu are making huge changes and maybe he got scared and he obviously is afraid he lost you.  Mariige came with ups and downs and the VOWS dont do to death do we part....except when you feel the passion is gone. He is not beating you, there is no infidelidty and you are not in danger .... what makes you think that wont happen in every relationship and not just this one so buck up and WORK on it like you WORK on weight loss. You can turn it around.

OK, *I* don't know you, so *I* am not here to judge you. When I was young, I did some pretty stupid things that I find appalling NOW, with these eyes. And I think some of them hit the very, very stupid mark waaaaaaaaaay higher than yours, you know?

What I want to say is far less personal, but just add it to your store of knowledge.

Since I've been working with the WLS group since the 90's, my stats were like so:
30% alcohol
25% shopping
20% sex (as in, not the designated person)
the rest between gamlbling and drugs

OK % of what? Of us who will swap addictions. Those were MY stats from observation. Reported at the 2005 ASBS meeting:
34% alcohol
27% shopping
22% sex (as in, not the designated person)
the rest between gamlbling and drugs

Mine was shopping, but thrift stores, so we didn't lose our home or anything.

So, look at the stats, look at you, look at the stats. It's up to you to spot 2 very real dangers because you are in our population. Then factor in your own personal issues.

So, I'm saying that I'm seeing you at risk AND you are not alone. I'm so glad you came to "your own kind" to ask for help, because obviously many of us will struggle with one or more of these issues to smaller or larger degrees.

Thanks..and yes, I am conscious about my "addiction" transfers. I was one of those people who thought.. "I'm not addicted to food, I just make bad choices"... ummm. yeah, I'm wrong! LOL  so, is there a place where I can go to in order to figure my stats or do I just gestimate? because right now alcohol is the last thing I want to put in my body (after this past weekend).. I can't afford to shop and the whole sex, even with a designated person... yeah.. really not into it right now...but give me a glass of wine and all bets are off...hence the choice i've now made to not drink in public. I won't go so far as to say I won't ever drink again, but it will be in the safety of either my own home, or the home of a friend where I will not be driving..  (no, we were not driving that night..I am a strong advocate of not drinking and driving). But If there is a place I can take a survey or something, I'd love to.  Thanks vitalady. :) jess

To figure your stats, add 'em together. You're well over 50% likely to have one of these get out of hand. I'm thinking you're already reluctant to jump and run from alcohol, even tho it could cost you your wt loss and other issues, so that's making me nervous.

It's not like it's a character flaw! It's more being driven by an imbalance in chemicals. But you're at the door, still deciding whether to go in that room or not, so you still have a chance to reroute yourself, knowing where your own personal weaknesses may lie. Most of us don't know til we're already in over our heads!

Every living being is addicted to food, so I don't buy into that whole thing so much. I've had skinny freinds who packed down 3x as much food, junk food, good food as I did, but they did not WEAR the evidence of it. I could gain on salads! LITERALLY. So, addiction transfer? Or your strength of character is funneling the chemical signals away from food (bravo!), but your guard is down, so you don't realize that you are responding to chemical cues that have nothing to do with personality.

Am I making sense? I hate it when I get inside my head and it's all SO CLEAR to me. (and only me)

Ok first of all give yourself a break...you didn't pick up this guy...he picked you up.  You were honest...he was not (i.e. we will just be friends).  I have been right where you are and have done the exact same thing you have.  Learn the lesson re: the phone number but don't ban yourself from going out and having a good time with friends...even if it involves a glass of wine or two.  You deserve to feel attractive and desired, as long as you are not crossing the line, which you did not, then enjoy the attention. Just my two cents worth. Trish

p.s.  No matter the troubles with your marriage doing something stupid like that will not make your decision regarding the future easier, it would only complicate things more.  I believe when it's time to leave you just know.  So, I am not preaching here, just some advise from someone who has had the very same thoughts as you.

First, let me start by saying I am NOT intending to flame you at all here. But a couple things from reading through your posts struck me. At the risk of playing Jr. Psychologist...............you seem to remind us each time that you did not mean to give the phone number. I suggest that you protest too much and you in fact DID want to....somewhere inside. Likely becasue you were flattered. You should be flattered bacause he sought you out. That must have felt good even though you knew reacting was not the best choice. But hey, we are making huge shifts in our lives here. Second, you said everything is not great right now. I took that to mean the changes you are experiencing yourself are not the answer to every problem in life. There is a lessen. Sometimes we think that all the bad stuff stems from our addiction/weight/fill in the blank. In truth, problems are from a variety of places and when we fix the ELEPHANT IN THE LIVING ROOM we don't know why all the problems are not gone. Well, I think you sound pretty grounded and will not be doing any of this again. You will be fine and I certainly hope the ebbs and flows work themselves out to your favor and satisfaction. Be safe, do not let alcohol beat down your good snese, and do not let this incident define you.