Support Group Meeting Last Night (long)

I'm happy to hear that your support group seems to be working and I hope that they will address the nutriontist issue so that you are getting what you need. I really appreciate my surgeon so much and would never want to upset him in anyway, but I just felt compelled to address this situation before I'm the next one to just give up and go away too!

I know exactly what you mean.  I still go to the meetings because I feel I need to and that really to be successful long term all of us need to keep going.  But, unfortunately, like your group ours has turned into a preop and early post op meeting.  So, the people who are long term do not come anymore because they don't get what they need from the meetings.   A friend of mine's support group has a post op meeting from 6 to 6:30 for those 1 year out or longer, and then they have the regular meeting from 6:30 to 7:30 with everyone.  That way the long termers get their issues dealt with, and the preops still get  to have the benefit of asking questions and learning from the longer termers. I have mentioned this several times to our leader about doing something similar with our group, but it hasn't happened yet.  The good thing about their post op meeting is that it is run by a psychology student in the master's program, and she is doing this as an internship or something.  So, that works out well.  So, I hope that maybe they can do something similar here with our group because I can't drive to Alabama to benefit from my friend's group.  LOL. Melissa

Melissa, thanks for the suggestion from your friend's group. I will pass that along as a possible solution to our problem. I agree that we need the long term support to be successful~having wls goes WAY beyond the surgery itself. To me, the actual surgery is just a minute part of the entire process.

Before I posted this reply I scanned the members in this message to make sure none might be from the meeting that I attended this week also.  I had a great experience at our meeting locally. It's the first time I've gone to this one centered on psychological issues but there were also many pre-ops there. One in particular that irritated me by asking a woman concerned over a stall if she wasn't just putting too much in her mouth...Of all the nerve! But she doesn't know. She's still pre-op. But the hurt that stalled woman must have felt. I was just so angry at that comment that I could have walked out right then... The point is, I didn't. I need the support. in order to be successful and have continued success, I need support group. I didn't say much at the meeting but I could have. I could have commented on any and all of the topics but...Being the first time at that meeting I wasn't going to. I was there to gather information...Not to share.  newbies and pre-ops should be there to gather information and not attempt to Hijack the discussion..I hope they listen to you...We all need different support...

I tend to be fairly quiet and reserved,but for some reason last night I wasn't, LOL. The subject of new postops eating things like McDonalds', candy, junk food, etc came out and that hit a sore spot with me. I said that I went thru WAY too much to have this surgery to ruin it by missing out on my window of opportunity and taking full advantage of the gift I have been given! In that respect I was glad to have newbies there so they can fully  understand that this isn't a magic pill and eventually we have to do some tough work to reach our goals and to keep the weight off. Ahhhh, I guess it was just a frustrating evening for me all the way around! But, like you, I will continue to return in hopes of finding the support that I need! Good Luck to You!

Well Honey, I feel your pain. I don't have a support group AT ALL. The closest one to me is 40 miles away and I went to it one time and pretty much thought it was a joke!!! I was required to attend 4 meetings with my Doctor's Psychiatrist before the surgery to be sure that I had correct information. That was helpful. But then, we were pretty much ALL pre-op, so we were all in the same boat!! I depend on this Board as my support group and you all do a FINE job I must say!!! Hope you can work out something locally. I know that is important to you. BTW, I think your letter was very well written. Hope it gets the attention it deserves!!! Hugs,  Piggy

Piggy, I agree that the support I have found here at OH is awesome and so very important to me! It would appear that finding an appropriate support group falls into the category of a long term post op issue that needs to be discussed, LOL! I'm going to go back again next month and I hope to see some improvements by then.

I wasn't going to comment because our support group is not surgeon sponsored, but I thought I'd throw in my 2 cents.

The one surgeon sponsored group in this area was totally boring. It was, as you said, pre-op, fresh post-op issues, over and over. Or the same few topics addressed over and over, such as diet, exercise, make up, how to dress. After 2-3 yrs, you have an idea on that stuff, esp. if you've attended most mtgs.

Where we lived had surgeon RELATED mtgs, but run by us for us. So, they were interesting because there were no speakers. US was the speaker! So, at my first meeting, when I was just 7 days post-op, there were pl there 10+ yrs out who'd known each other thru the various history of WLS types. Because they were longer term, they stayed in touch with each other and grew together as issues arose.

We moved here and started a group like our home group. We still attended the surgeon sponsored group as a courtesy to keep the numbers up. But it was SOOOOOOO boring.

Time went on and It Was Decided that all the meetings would be the same, with topics and hand outs issued by The Office and any deviation would not be permitted. ??? Well, needless to say, we didn't agree, so lost our listing as being one of the "approved" groups.

We still attended the two others (our original, 50 mi away) and the boring one, again, as a courtesy to the leaders who needed the body count. Now we were bored twice/month! LOL

Well, fast forward to today. One of the groups was abandoned by the office, but picked up by another surgeon's office. So, again, populated entirely by newbies. We are the ONLY long termers there. But all those ahead of us were soon bored with the same ol', same ol'. Let me say there are some 2-3 yr ppl, but not many. And not regularly. I don't think it is surgeon related any more.

Our group has split into two nights. I don't like the groups to get larger than 20 ppl on a regular basis. Ppl do not get their moment to intro and ask questions and there is no time for discussion. In 12 yrs, we have had only 2 guests. One of the surgeons was there to promote his agenda (we had hoped for open Q&A) and one was one of our ppl who had been disabled, had WLS and graduated from massage school and was showing us how massage can help with scar tissue formation after plastics and such. She only took about 15 minutes of the meeting, but since she was one of us, she didn't detract.

We are considering going to a Band Only meeting as well. While we have followed bands since the 90's (our surgeons did trials in 1991) and followed out of country bands, we do not actually HAVE them ourselves. Our hope would be to round up some of the longer term bands to lead the new ones AROUND the mistakes they made.

I'm thinking the reason our group stil surives, without any advertising since 1996 or direct surgeon support, is that we have some of the ppl WE "raised as baby pre-ops" now leading others who have come along behind them. Many other groups have come and gone, but they mostly were centered around the leader OR they had some sort of agenda. With ours, the agenda is US/you, her/him/that couple. It's not about office politics or the speaker or those types of things. It's about YOU.

Where else CAN you go and be in a room full of ppl and admit that alcohol has grabbed you and wonder what the heck happened when you were not even a drinker pre-op and why now, after 7-8 yrs? Imagine the confusion?! And could this person have said that at a surgeon sponsored group? NO WAY.

So, I woul say if you can do it, see if you can start an independent group, lead BY patients, FOR patients, and get it established BEFORE you make it open to pre-ops. First make it a safe haven for the longer term ppl to discuss things like regain, alcohol, marriage, "my dtr is mad that I weigh less than she does".... all of those are serious longer term issues that won't be handled in a huge surgeon sponsored group. Too personal, too close to home, too likely to be reported, too danged BIG, KWIM?

I know exactly what you mean Michelle! I think that's great that you've stuck with it even after facing several less than satisfactory groups along the way. Starting our own post op support group is a great idea. I will give it some thought and talk to some people and see what we can come up with. Thanks!!!