Support Group Meeting Last Night (long)

Most of you that know me know that I'm a pretty easy going, upbeat, positive person~or at least I try to be, LOL! Well, I went to my local support group meeting last night and was utterly disappointed. The room was full of pre ops, no post op issues were discussed and I was left feeling upset and angry so I composed this letter and sent it off to both surgeons and several staff memebers. If you have a moment could you please give me some feedback on this. Also, if you have a strong, thriving post op support group, could you share with me some of the things that you have found to be successful for your group. Thanks in advance everyone!!!!!!

     I am writing to you about last nights “post op” support group meeting. I always try to look for the positive side of things, so I will begin with what was positive last night. The 2 guest speakers did a fantastic job. They shared their personal experiences and answered questions to the best of their ability. I applaud them for getting up in front of a very large group and sharing their stories!

     Unfortunately, there were many things wrong with last nights meeting and that is what has lead to this email. This was supposed to be a Post Op (6mths or longer) meeting. The room was filled with approximately 80 people, 5 of which were post op 6mths or longer, 5 of which were post op less than 6mths and then the overwhelming majority of people were pre op. It seems that pre op’s have been coming to meetings all along, but it appears to be getting more and more so. The problem with that is when the overwhelming majority of the room is pre op, then post op issues never seem to be discussed. This is unfortunate to me and to the other post op’s because there truly are many issues that long term post op’s face and these issues are not being dealt with in a support group setting. I feel this is why so many long term post op’s have given up on coming to the meetings. When I first began attending as a post op myself, there were many long term post op’s who came to the meetings and I learned so much value information and wisdom from them.

     The other disappointment was that neither doctor was able to attend the meeting. I completely understand the demands on their time. I respect and admire the job that they do. However, it is imperative to have one of them at the meetings. I personally had a very specific post op question that I was waiting to ask, but was not given the opportunity to do so. Also, the ladies that spoke were left hanging because pre op’s were asking questions that they were unsure how to answer so several times these questions were asked of Chris who happened to be at the meeting as a guest. I understand that as a bariatric doctor the focus is on the surgery itself, but follow up with the hundreds of post op patients is critical to our long term success. Things in the bariatric world are constantly changing, new ways of thinking come about and new protocol is taking effect. These are things as a long term post op that I would like to question and learn about from my doctor’s viewpoint.

     With that being said, I truly admire both doctors and the staff. Without you, I could not have had the best opportunity of my life by having wls. I am not sure what the answers are to this problem. I am not here just to express my feelings of disappointment, but also to offer my help in any way. There are many post op groups nationwide and I have spoken with many of the leaders through ObesityHelp.com. It can work when done properly and I hope that we, as a group of people who truly care about the wls community, can figure out a solution to this problem.

     I did have one specific thought although I have no idea if it is workable. Is the room at the Heart Institute able to be divided into 2 parts or partitioned off? If so, pre op’s could be directed to the “pre op” side when they arrive and post op’s could be directed to the “post op” side when they arrive. We could then have maybe 45-60min of specific discussion while separated down into groups and then after that time we could remove the divider and have group discussion for the rest of the meeting. This would be a way for long term post op’s to discuss their specific issues, but yet allow the pre op’s to still join the meeting.

     This is just one thought that I had on the subject. I’m not sure that its workable, but I know how much I need a solution to this problem and I’m sure there are many, many patients of both doctors that need a solid support group foundation to carry them through the months and years of post op life to follow. With the large number of surgeries that are preformed by both doctors every year, we as post op’s are only growing in numbers and are the vast majority of your patients. I believe it is imperative to find a solution that will help to draw those patients back in to support group. As we all know, having a strong support system is crucial to our long term post op success!

     I would like to thank you for you time and consideration in this matter. I would also again like to extend my help to you in any way. Please feel free to contact me at any time if I can be of any assistance.

 

Hi Tracy, As you know we share the same doctor but I've never gone back to attend their support group due to the distance.  I think your letter is very well said and should certainly get some positive feedback.  The support groups in the Jamestown area are twice a month but are not broken up in to the separate groups although I'm trying to work on that right now.  I also find it frustrating to have the pre-op and newbie questions and concerns sort of take over the meetings.  The one frustration I've heard several times over from the post-ops is that the same questions are asked over and over again.  For the last two years I've tried something where we first discuss post op questions and concerns and then we open the floor to all other topics.  This way the post-ops may talk about most of the topics that the newbies are interested in.  Our groups are only 23-30 people though and that is a big difference from the 80 in your group.  I'm thinking of having the First Wednesday be for    1 Year out and Less, and the Second Wednesday for 1 Year out and More.   I just wonder if the same thing would happen where everyone shows up anyways.   I'm sure that your letter will get addressed, I hope the outcome is what you are looking for.  I'm sure as you stated that many others don't attend once their needs aren't being met and unfortunately this is not good for WLS patients *****ally need the support. Good Job!

Thanks for your response! The way they split it up here is~ 1st Wed of month Pre Op meeting 2nd Wed of month Lap Band meeting 3rd Wed of month Post op meeting I truly have no problem with preops attending, its just the fact that when they are the overwhelming majority then their issues/concerns seem to monoplize the discussion and we never really get to postop issues. I have felt this way for awhile now but have never spoken up b/c I don't like to "make waves". I guess I just feel very passionately about my need for support and guidance more and more the farther out that I get.  I hope you are able to work out your group issues too and if you find a resonable solution that works for you, please pass it along to me! Thanks!!!!

This is the exact reason that I stopped attending meetings, and I do miss them. I think your letter is tactful but still makes your point very well. Good luck!

Hi Donna!!! I know what you mean. It seems so many post ops just stop attending instead of voicing their opinions so that's why I felt I needed to step in and say something. I hate to see people walk away from something so valuable when I feel there's some sort of a workable solution out there.

Well said, Tracy. Our support group (I haven't been in a while due ot familial issues the past few months) holds a meeting and then the 1 year or more folks split out to go into another room if they woud like. Hope that improves the meetings in your area and gets more of the longer term post-ops to come back to get the support and info they need. Kathy

Hi Kathy! I would like to pass that along to our group  leader b/c maybe something like that would work. I just feel like I need a support group to attend, but I also don't want to walk away feeling  this way anymore. Hopefully we can work something out.

Tracy, Our meeting was scheduled for 6:30 - 8:00.  We'd have a full meeting (with a topic) from 6:30 to 7:30 pm.  Then the one year out or more could chose to go across the hall to discuss other issues.  Usually it ended up lasting til 8:30.  It did work well.  It kept the pre-ops and early post-ops in touch with the longer term post-ops but then gave the longer term post-ops a chance to discuss other issues. Good luck! Kathy

Thanks Kathy!

I think you did a great job with your letter. I had a similar experience at a nutritionist seminar a few weeks ago. They had everybody mixed in there together, pre-ops and diabetics. It was a new nut, apparently not familiar with bariatric issues. She was telling everybody to eat 3-4 servings of veggies, fruit, etc., and I remembered thinking "these people won't be able to hold that much in a week." I hate to see people getting steered the wrong way. My support group meetings are mostly post-ops, and we get lots of good information, but not much in the way of nutrition, and that's what worries me the most right now. I hope your people will listen to your suggestions.