I think I may be going insane..

Has anyone gone "back" on their anti-depressants after surgery? I'm in a bind here. i'm ready to leave a good man, a good life and a decent job..because I think I'm going nuts. I'm totally unhappy with no reason why I should be. I'm extremelly irritable, things that used to make me laugh now irritate me to an extreme measure. I flip flop from being about to cry, to wanting to just grab my purse, hop in my car and go....and I have no idea where I want to go. I have this overwhelming feeling of anticipation and fear at the same time. I have no reason to feel this overwhelmed. I don't have kids, I don't want them. I dont' have a bad marriage, other than problems I myself create because of my own listlessness. I have a pretty cushy, easy going job..I don't like my boss..but I do like the work I do. I love my car, my house..where we live.. all of that..but something is eating at me. I am almost afraid to go outside..or do anything by myself...and I dont' know why. I always felt that the reason I was that way (pre-op) was because of my weight...well, now the weights gone, I get positive reactions out in the world..and I'm still afraid to be out in it. I hope to GOD, I am not agoraphobic..or bi-polar. My sister is bi-polar, my father is clinically depressed and insane (possibly schitzophrenic, we dont' really know).... I dont' feel like hurting myself..but the idea of just up and leaving everyone I know and love..that would hurt not only myself..but everyone I care about. I don't even have any desire to pick up the phone and voice these irrational feelings with anyone in my family or support group.... Is this a normal "settling in" phase? Or should I seek out professional, psychicatric help? I just dont' know.. I also keep getting the su per bad shakes...almost like caffeine shakes, but hours and hours after I've had any caffeine, maybe that is totally unrelated..but I feel off.... I am not myself... I just don't know what to do.. and I dont' want to make a big deal if this is just a normal "after" process and Its going to pass. .I HATED being on meds for my phsyciatric health.. I thougth I was depressed because I was fat... perhaps I got fat because I was depressed... I do not want to return there.. but I have no idea..I'm just so lost right now and I just want out ..out of everything...a whole clean start... any insight? I'm 16 mo. out and have reached goal at 10months. Is this normal?  P.S. Please no flaming, and please don't throw past posts in my face.. I just need to know if I need to address this more aggresively, or just ride it through...  Jess

Talk therapy. Find a counselor. I know how you feel about the unfocused anxiety. Every day I have it. I am in the same boat as you, but I don't have a good man, I have no man. So one thing I can tell you from a single successful gal point of view, do not leave a good man! They are very few and far between, and in my case, when I do meet one, he only wants to be "friends". I am a member of a couple of singles activity groups and all the men I meet at the events are "just looking for new friends", that's what they all tell me. Then the next thing I know they are dating someone. So how do you think that makes me feel? I'm dog-meat. Second, i went on Zoloft about a year ago and it helped with the anxiety but there was a funny little side-effect where it made me gain weight. Oh yeah! Way to go! So I'm not jittery with the heebie jeebies all the time, but I'm getting fat again. From the ol' armchair psychology department here, the thing to do with anxiety is focus it on something. If you live in a house, go out and do a little weeding, you'd be surprised. I'm not kidding. Just find some task to focus on. I painted my whole living room one time, and I rent! I have also taken up needlecrafts. I make those Irish sweaters, very complicated, and though I live in Arizona, all my friends have beautiful wool Irish Fisherman's Sweaters. But find a professional to talk to. Try and stay off the drugs and use cognitive behavioral approaches. Since you got on here and expressed your concern, it shows you're NOT crazy. Crazy people don't know they're nuts. It shows you are fully functioning and far and away from being a lost cause. Drugs would a be last resort and it sounds like you're far from needing that, in my humble opinion. But that's just me talking. take care!! -=db=-

Thank you Deb for your in put. I just know I've felt this way before...I had always thought it was normal and I was an unhappy, unsettled person..but that can't be... I have a lot to offer the world, I just can't organize it right now. I'm in a self-sabotage phase I think..pushing everyone away from me I care about.. I've been here before... I will talk to someone, but I'm also getting back on my meds for a while.. I need to balance out for a bit.. I guess i just don't know exactly what "normal" feels like... I'm pretty sure this is not it. i'm a pretty fearless person, so when anxiety is a constant in my life, I knwo somethings wrong. :) Thanks though for your thoughts..I just know that I do have family history of mental illness...and I think that is a battle I will always fight, when I start feeling out of control, i'm afraid to let it go too far and I refuse to self medicate.. especially with food.. I'm not doing that again. :) Take care, and please.. continue to give your advice..its very good.  jess

By the way..you're comment about you being dog-meat..totally untrue. You are a very beautiful woman with much to offer the right man..those men are "dog meat" and still hung up on what they "think" they want. Its just the universe telling you that the right one has not come along yet. :) You are a beautiful person, inside and out.

 

Jess

 

Thanks. But it's the same story over and over again, and I really hate it when I do meet someone I'm interested in. Being "Just friends" gets really old and makes me feel bad. -=db=-

Jess, Please take this seriously.  The symptoms you are describing are very claccis for anxiety, which in many cases can be manifested as depression or preceived as depression.  The appropriate medications can help with smoothing out mental processes, but, I firmly believe that talk therapy is necessary to help learn new ways to deal with life's "stuff."  If we don't learn new ways to deal then we can't expect to react differently.  I really believe in this combo.  It is very important to find the therapist who can help you with this process.  Take as much care in selecting this person. I think you showed real insight when you wrote "I thougth I was depressed because I was fat... perhaps I got fat because I was depressed... I do not want to return there.." You have made great leaps to get your body healthy, so now have the same courage to get your mind & spirit healthy. Kay

Jess, I know how you are feeling, and no...you are not nuts. I actually ended up going on anti-depressants when I was 1 1/2 years out. I lost all of my weight in the first year, and actually lost more than I wanted. I suffer from anxiety and depression, and I have had many times when I felt like I could not go on. This is not your fault, and there is nothing that you did to cause this. Depression and anxiety are chemical imbalances in your brain, and there is no shame in taking medication for it. It does sound like you would benefit by speaking with someone about your feelings, sometimes it helps just to talk it out with someone that is a third party.

As far as your husband is concerned, you may want to sit down with him and let him know what you are feeling. Reassure him that it is not him, that this is a battle that you are fighting. Let him know that his love, patience and understanding are very important to you, and that he needs to just stick it out for a little bit ****il you get the help that you need). Keep him involved, maybe have him go to your appointment with you. He can point things out to the doctor that you may not see, sometimes we do not see the forest for the trees. My husband has been a great support to me, but I had to learn to stop pushing him away, and start leaning on him.

I hope that this has helped, I wish that I had someone to talk to when I was in your position.

Take care!

Joy

Oh Joy, thank you..its so comforting to know i"m not alone. I guess I'm right on track for this.. I'm almost 1.5 years out..and I guess because I've been down teh "depression" highway before, I know the signs. I tried to ignore them..I don't want to be on medication, but I also dont' want to start self medicating.. I've noticed I've been drinking lately (I dont' usually drink but for special occassions..I've been "making" up special occasions to drink...) and started smoking again, and with every drag on that cigarette, I know I'm shortening a life span that I just finished expanding w/ the weight loss. I just feel angry,and anxious and full of anxiety all the time. I know what this is..and I know the road i'm headed down...its just helpful to know that I'm not alone, or crazy. I think I need to just accept that I will be on meds for this for the rest of my life. I was hoping it was a weight related thing.. oh well, here we go again..at least w/ Wellbutrin I have only 1 side effect...I quit smoking! LOL... so, I guess its a win/win. :) Thanks for your support and words. :) they mean so much to me.  Jess

Hi Jess- My name is Beth, and I live in Chico, CA.  I can't address the "post-op" status, but please hear me out.  I had a significant weight loss in 1992.  After I got the weight off, and started dealing with all the new feelings that come with that, good and bad, I discovered that I had lived at a really high anxiety level all of my life, and I had mild chronic depression too.  I think that is one of the things that I "self-medicated" with food. I've been on meds since then, and all I can say is, "better living through chemistry!"  I have accepted that this is not a "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" thing.  My brain chemicals are out of balance, and my meds realign that balance.   I have had to adjust dosages, with my doc's help, in different phases of life.  Having a good therapist helps too.  I am getting ready for surgery, and am dealing with meds from that perspective.  Some fear, but we're switching from time-released antidepressant to an immediate acting one. I won't go on and on anymore.  I just want you to know that if you are feeling this way more than a couple of weeks, I hope you will enlist the help of a professional.  Maybe starting with your surgeon's staff as a resource, or going to someone you've seen before.  That out of control feeling you're describing is so unsettling, and please know that I get it.  You have so much courage to start of this new path of health!  Be gentle with yourself, and be kind to you, like you would to others. Take care, and mucho good luck to you.   Don't forget to take some deep breaths. Beth 

Beth, Thank you. It just helps to know I'm not alone. When I was pre-op, one of the biggest things for me was to be excited that once this weight was gone, i' was giong to get off the meds for depression... I was wrong.. LOL