Emotional Eating

I posted this today on the IN Boards in response to a pre-ops question about things you should ask yourself before surgery.  this is my answer to Why do you eat?  I don't hear this talked about very much.  what do you all think or what are your experiences.  This is really the only thing I've had trouble with since surgery.

 Your relationship with food, is definately one that needs to be explored, before surgery.  When I had my surgery St. V's classes focused on aftercare.  No one ever mentioned that I may have emotional issues after.  I never realized how much I used food as my "drug".  I ate when I was happy, sad, frustrated, angry, stressed out , bored and especially at night when I couldn't sleep.  I used food as an escape.  The fact that I can't use food to cope with life, has been my biggest problem since surgery.  People always said  I was laid back, easy going, always helpful, never wanted confrontations.  Well that was because I could eat it all away.  Now I can't and I'm having to deal with issues that upset me, make me angry, stress me out.  People that have known me for a long time, say I've changed.  I tend to say what I think now, which doesn't go over well, when I've always been the "get along" kind of girl.  I have had terrible issues with insomnia since surgery.  I started to take ambien, and involuntarily got in my truck at 3:30 in the morning and hit a pole.  No more ambien for me.  I'm going to counseling now, have done it in the past, but now without food I have to learn new ways to cope, to handle stress.  The weight loss part has been easy for me.  I'm under goal,  a "success" story.  The emotional part has been hard.  I look at before pictures of me.  I was miserable because I was so heavy, but I was happy, life was good.  Now, I'm proud of my weight loss and don't want to go back to the old self, but learning to live with the new self is hard.   Again this is just me and my experience.  I don't hear much about the emotional sides to WLS very often.  I used to laugh when I heard people talking about transfer of addictions.  I kind of did that with the Ambien.  I am not taking anything to alter my mood or to help with insomnia now.  I am facing all my "stuff" head on.  I didn't realize I had any "stuff" to work on before surgery.  I was so wrong.   If anyone asks me if I've had any complications, I am truthful.  I tell them "not pysically, but emotionally its been rough".  I think its important that pre-ops know this.  It isn't a "fun ride" all the time.  If you deal with emotional eating get help before surgery.  If your not sure if you do, start checking, become aware of when you eat and why.    Would I do it all over?  Some days I do think, man it was easier to live in a heavy body and not deal with life, but it wasn't fair to me, my family, or anyone I deal with.  People are just going to have to learn to live with the new me, like it or not.  I have to learn to live with the new me.  The old easy going, helpful, do anything for anyone, Sarah is gone.  The new " I need this, that is not o.k., stop, I don't want to hear all your problems, doesn't take crap from anyone" Sarah is here.    Thi****s all areas of my life, friends, family, job.  I have to find a happy medium.  I'm working on it.   My family has been really supportive, thank heaven for them.  i couldn't have made it through this without them.  Would I do it again? The answer would have to be yes, absolutely. Sarah  

Hi Sarah! Wow, I could have written alot of that about myself! I have said all along that the "missing link" in wls is after care with a therapist that specializes in eating disorders. I guess pre surgery I never really thought about how I ended up at 328lbs. Yeah there was Prozac for depression for a few years,but I was mainly happy, had a great husband, kids, etc. Life was pretty good except for my weight issue. Losing the weight was pretty easy for me too. I was thrilled! And then around 2yrs out I started to realize that there was alot more to this than me putting too much food in my mouth. I am an emotional eater~I stuff my emotions down with food. It hit me one day when I had an upsetting phone call and suddenly found myself in front of the cupboard with the doors wide open and all I could think was "what can I shove into my mouth?" I caught myself at that moment and didn't like what I saw. Why was I doing this to myself, hurting myself in this way? The person that upset me on the phone had no idea what I was about to do and probably really didn't care. I was only going to hurt myself, but why? I started therapy and continue with it today~it has helped some, but I'm not fully there yet~don't know if I ever will be. At least I am more aware of my problem now~although being aware and having control over it are 2 different things~sometimes I can over control it and other times I give in to it. I'm a work in progress. I also feel I've become more assertive and not as easy going. I never wanted to make waves before, but now I feel confident enough to say what I'm feeling for better or for worse. I have had to walk away from a few "friendships" (I'll use that term loosely) b/c people thought I had changed~my sil got really weird with me once I was in a smaller size pants than her. She's very competitive and I just didn't feel like playing that game, so now we don't speak. It was hurtful at first, but now I know that I'm better off b/c these people were not really my friends to begin with. No matter what I have never and hopefully will never regret my decision to have wls. It has given me back my life in so many ways. It has also forced me to face some things that I never wanted to face before. I still have a great husband, 2 wonderful kids and a good life and thankfully now its a life that I can fully participate in and enjoy!!!! I will continue to work on all the other stuff and maybe someday I'll be at peace with it~until then I may have some good days and some bad days, but I do believe that wls has brought me so many more good days than I ever would have had at 328lbs so I'm grateful!

On top of that, try living in Montana and finding a therapist, more less one that specializes in eating disorders. I too am very much an emotional eater and have foods I can eat that don't make me sick like rice krispee bars or graham crackers. It drives me crazy that after loosing all this weight, I can gain so fast - besides my thyroid has stopped working on top of everything. I've read many good books on this but it doesn't seem to help much. If you know of a good therapist, let me know! Diona

What kind of question is that? This is what I am struggling with here and now.

Hi Linda! No, I don't think just therapy would have helped. I had so much weight to lose and it seemed like an uphill battle all the way~one that I could never conquer on my own~it was just too much. That's why I am so very thankful that I have been given this tool. At 2.5yrs post op I can eat quite a bit now, but my overall capacity is no where near what it was pre op~back then it was never ending, now if I eat emotionally I can eat and make poor choices, but the capacity to gorge myself to that extent just is not there. I am able to gain weight and have gained since getting to my lowest. I allow myself to bounce around in the 150's, but try to monitor myself so that when I get into the upper 150's I cut back and try to stay on top it instead of letting 10lbs turn into 20lbs and so on. Also, having the surgery and losing the weight has helped me to become dedicated to exercise~I would try to exercise before, but at 328lbs it was so hard even though I was a very active person. Now I can whip off a 5mile WATP dvd or walk 6.5miles with my friend at it feels great! Overall things are wonderful, but there are areas that I still need alot of work on. I don't want to blow my chance b/c I'm addicted to food or an emotional eater, so I just keep working on it in hopes of getting it right some day.