Part of my Problem

Hi Tracy, I have been following the comments on this post all day.  Very interesting.  I am one with a truly split personality!  I have the OCD issues on some topics and I am Sybil on others!  I really believe I was less harsh on my apperance at my high weight than I am now.  I struggle with getting an idea of 'normal' since I have never been a normal size as an adult.  In my house, if the living room is straightened and the kitchen and bathroom clean, I am good.  The floor could be swimming in dust bunnies but that is immaterial to me! I have some clothing choices I won't wear, read sleeveless, but I will wear a swim suit at the beach.  Go figure!  I can go out without makeup and my hair in a clip, but I cannot leave the house with earrings and a watch.   I know it is unhealthly.  I never doubted that.  I wonder if I *knowingly* don't let myself get to goal, because once I do, the pressure increases................ Thoughts to ponder, with and without my therapist! Vicky

Its all so strange the way our minds work and the games we play with ourselves!!! Definitely things to ponder!!!!!!

i find myself questioning the "self sabotage" issue...do i not want to reach goal? will i not be happy then becuz..... i'm 3+ years out and have not yet reached goal- i know taht my tool is intact and etc- i just have not been as compliant ( ie portion control and past grazing habits) as i should--and i know what to do--so why don't i do it? great to know that i am not alone here!

I know what you mean about the self sabotage. I reached goal, but sometimes play with a few extra pounds. Its weird b/c I can be so "good" for a long stretch of time and then all of the sudden something will happen (I'm an emotional eater) and it puts me in a tail spin for a while. Thankfully I have always been able to pull myself out of it, but I fear what happens some day if I can't. And being in "maintenance mode" is VERY scary to me still! Obviously I've never been good at it, so why should it work this time????

two years ago i was well on my way to goal- within about 25 pounds -when my hubby became extremely ill and had many hospitalizations etc- i too am an emotional eater- (and suddenly exercise stopped!)and even if only salad at hospital- i was piling high with cheese and eggs and "stuff! "so ballooned back on about 30 pounds-ouch! then finally quit my streesful job in april- once i gave resignation it started to come off again- now am down about 12 of those 30 pounds--i keep trying! portion control has been a bad thing for me- so i have to consciously push away! tracy-thanx for this post!

Its such a struggle so Congratulations on 12lbs lost!! That's fantastic!!!!!!!

Thank you for writing out the jumble that is in my head, too!

I walked past a mirror just after dressing once and caught my reflection and my brain said, "Good hair, good colors, good fit, looks good" and then ME took over and said "Heck no, still have bad teeth, ruffle butt ..." you know the rest.

Almost as if it was SINFUL to be ok with myself for a moment. I tried to recapture it and give credit to the outfit and good hair day, but it was lost. How DARE I think I could take a breath an not need to "fix" something about me?

Scary that others feel this way.

Hi Michelle. Thanks for your reply. Its good to know that I'm not the only one that has a hard time looking in the mirror and seeing what's truly there. I just wonder how some people have such confidence b/c somehow I missed out on receiving that gift. How can I lack confidence, but yet feel the need to be "perfect" all the time~isn't that ironic, LOL!

Makes perfect sense to me. altho i am much older, I don't think the msg to women has changed much. as I was cleaning out my parents' housde, i found my mother never threw ANYTHING away (even garbage, but that's another story) and I found all kinds of magazines 50-60-70 and so on. Flipping thru the ads and articles, the msg is very clear that if you have a flat tummy and small waist, your boobs are too biig or too small, too low or too high OR your butt is too big, too flat, too wide, too high or too low. No matter how perfect your skin is, it will be better by spending money on this product and you need it BETTER because whatever you have, well, it's simply not good enough.

I youhave luxuriant hair, it's too thick. If it's curly, you must straighten and if it's straight, you must curl.

And if you are short, the message is VERY clear that you must be taller and if you're not, sorry you lose, there is no help for anyone under 5'7". I'm 5'1", so obviously a lost cause. Over the years, men in my life have said, "Wow, great legs. Short, but really nice." What is the msg to me?

NOT GOOD ENOUGH!

I suspect I hear a coupla hundred "amen's" out there,

OH Yeah! I hear ya! Its oh so true!