Repost - A look inside - Peeling the Banana

I was asked to repost this here from the mains. Thanks for reading. For this Tuesday's "A Look Inside" I wanted to ask about the issues that crop up after you've lost the weight. I know that I have said so many times what I am going to do when I lose weight. Soooo much to do! All my beauty and wonder will shine because I won't be held back by my bulk. The truth is that I know that when I have lost the weight there will be new issues for me to address. Things I have not seen because I've been focused on the biggest of my problems. The question is: What issues did you discover after you lost weight that you then addressed? Were you surprised that you were the kind of person you were? Was correcting it as difficult as your struggle with weight loss? Thank you for your reply ahead of time. It's always helpful for me to get insight into the emotional challenges of post weight loss as the physical ones are so often addressed on the board.

I'm going through this issue right now. how much of what I feel is WLS related and how much is just the real me that I kept hidden. I have complete wanderlust. I want to travel the world, I find that I have must less patience with situations or people than I had before (and trust me, I did not have a lot of patience to start off with). I feel lost sometimes, and other times I think I am seeing more clearly than I have ever felt in my whole life. I'll have to check out "a look inside". I'm still dealing w/ marital issues and am unsure if they are issues that will die down once we get aclimated to me being skinny, or if they are a result of me now feeling confident. time will tell, but then again, patience has never been my strong suit. :) Jess

The first 12-18mths I was on a "Loser's High". Everything was great, I felt great, look pretty darn good, all was right with the world. At around 18-24mths, I began to realize that I needed to do some work on the inside b/c I had not yet faced that fact that I was an emotional eater and a food addict. I don't know how I thought I made it to 328lbs, but it wasn't be there was "anything" wrong with ME! Well, BIG shock~there was something wrong. I started working with a therapist that specializes in eating disorders and it has helped somewhat. I know I am the type of person that finds it hard to be honest, open and forthcoming with a stranger about the most personal details of my life, so therapy is also a struggle for me, but I will continue to try. I don't feel that my personality has changed that much~I still try to be a kind, caring and giving person, but I do feel that I have much more confidence in myself now and I stand up for myself and for what I feel is right~more assertive I guess, but I don't feel that its a character flaw~I should have had that confidence within myself all along, but just didnt'. One thing that was hard to deal with was other people's perceptions of me~they saw a physical change and immediately assumed there was a personality change. This caused some friendships (I will use that term loosely) to dissolve. I took that pretty hard for awhile, but now its all good. I have come to realize that those people were never really true friends if they could not be happy for me and for my success.  There are many struggles that people go thru when going for being m.o. to being a "normal" size person. Its an adjustment for sure. People look at you differently, treat you differently, expect different things from you, etc. Some is good, some is not so good, but in the end its all worth it. Being healthy and comfortable within your own skin is enough of a reward to take on this challenge.  Now that I am in maintenance mode its kind of scary, but I have made a promise to myself to do whatever it takes to be successful for the long haul. I feel success isn't only measured in numbers, but in all aspects of our lives.  Great question and good luck to You!!!!!!!!

Tracy, I could have written your post also. I know what your talking about with Friends. I've a few that I know i'm losing, its just a matter of time..I see them pulling away. But, to be honest they were not that good of friends to start out with. The sad thing is that whole "confidence" thing is an issue with my husband and myself. He dated skinny girls before me and they always cheated on him, so now he sees me as a skinny person, and has it made up in his head that i want to leave him for a hot guy, now that he thinks I can get one, or that i'll start cheating on him.because that is what he thinks skinny girls do. Its so sad.. I'm still the same person, but yeah..that confidence boost is kinda scary, its like your driving a Mustang GT and then all of a sudden someone goes and puts a super charger and air cooler on it and you have like 200 more horses under the hood and don't know quite how to control them. It seems like a waste not to utilize the extra horses, but there is that whole speed limit thing...... social guidelines and all of that.. So, i'm in the process of deciding if I'm going to let those horses run, or continue to keep em tied down.. :)

I guess he doesn't know fat girls cheat too. Don't take that super charged mustang out and drive it too fast. You may bang it up!

LOL, yep..and I've learned that lesson to. :) Hey, so I see your from Lancaster, PA. I have lots of family there. Have you ever been into Stauffer's Market? My family owns them. If you go into the one in Kyburz or Litiz, I think that is the one my Uncle Paul (Stauffer) has as his headquarters.. you should tell him Hello and that his California Grand Neice said to give you a big hug, and good discount! :) they are great people. :)  Jess

 I could see the blank stare now when a big black woman comes in saying "Gimme a hug Uncle Paul. And by the way how's about half price on this bread?" Who knows... I've done stranger things.

I just had to chime in a tell you that you gave me such a laugh!   Glad I didn't have any water in my mouth or my PC would be wet! Suzanne

Hi Jess. I know exactly where you're at with your husband. My husband got a bit nervous and worried too. He was thinking things along the same lines as yours is. It kind of hurts that they would think that about us, but we have worked thru most of that and are doing great! I have never and would never cheat on my husband~I love HIM way too much for that! Were you heavy when you met?? Just asking b/c I was not heavy, but gained weight after we got married and had children. There have been some studies that suggest that the divorce rate after wls is directly affected (in part) by the premarital weight~meaning that if your husband never knew you as a thin woman it is harder for them to accept when you go thru this transformation. It seems to be a bit easier on men who married a "normal" weight woman who then gained weight and then had wls and lost weight. There are just so many factors, but if you love your husband and he's good to you then hold on tight! Good Luck!

Thank you Tracy, and no, my husband never knew me thin...a little thinner, but not "thin". I was about 210lbs when we first met and that lasted a few months. :) I got big pretty quick, gained like 40lbs during the honeymoon phase of our relationship and ultimately ballooned up to 279lbs. There were times when he made me feel beautiful, but mostly I felt "lucky to have him" because he'd make thoughtless cracks about how my arms looked in certain outfits, or how my butt looked in pants, or how the way I styled my hair made my face look fatter. He is tactless by nature, but I know he thougth he was helping. He just comes from a very cold family that has no qualms about being brutally honest which is just tactless and hurtful, his mother is a piece of work. We've worked on it for 8 years..and now his comments about how great I look, or how hot certain outfits look on me fall on deaf ears.. because I find it hard to believe he is being sincere now. I do think we might be able to make it through..today is a better day.. there are some good and some bad days. I know he's trying and that is all I can ask for. :) That means so much. Thank you for your comment, it helps to hear that I'm not alone in this. well, that we are not alone in this. I just wish he'd really give therapy a try..we've tried it but he goes in w/ the attitude that they will fix "me"..and that nothing is wrong w/ him. As soon as a therapist suggests he's out of line or might try to adjust his thought pattern, he throws up the barrier. But, its baby steps right? :) thanks again.  Jess