Keepin' it REAL! I am off the Rollercoaster!

Hey Anita and Everyone else who is struggling! I have not posted here in awhile but just HAD to chime in to say hello and to lend some encouragment!  I read Anita's post and wanted to respond but started a new thread since her post was getting pretty far down the page.  OK, check it out: Three months ago I became active again on this forum and remember from back then me and you were on the same page with regaining and basically in the same place you and me are in again now.  I feel JUST LIKE YOU a lot! I think many postops can totally relate.  This is what I am doing and what, in my not-so-humble-opinion, everyone with our *disease* must do to succeed. You must come to your conclusion that you cannot continue on this same path of abusing your drug of choice. You have to get pissed off about it and come to your own personal low. Get disturbed. Get mad. Get angry. Get determined to kick the carb monster's @ss! You have to get radical and fanatical about it...IMMEDIATELY. If you don't take serious action right away you are lying to yourself about being serious and it will chip away at your confidence and self esteem until all you will want to do is to gorge yourself with snacks and baked goods. Ok, ok, I am probably annoying some of you wonderful level headed postops out there who live a life of blissful moderation by "getting back to basics". I know deep down that the basics is the true key and that is what we must all do in our own way to succeed. However, to propel ourselves to the point of change and to gain some much needed momentum we must look deep inside and make a radical change RIGHT AWAY!  Stay with me here Anita...go into your kitchen and get absolutely freaky! If a breadmaker is your problem...go give it to the neighbor, put it in the trunk of your car (along with your scale). If your vice is freshly baked bread, muffins or cinnamon rolls stomp into your kitchen and take your pans and punch holes in them or better yet, donate them!!! I know you are a great baker but get a grip and STOP it. This is the only way to commit to change. Does an alcoholic keep alcohol around? NO! They have to flush that **** down the toilet! It makes a real statement to yourself and your DH. I used to lie to myself that I am really baking for my DK"s and such...BS! Why would I want to make cookies for them? So they can stuggle with weight their whole life too? So, instead we make a batch of playdoh and play with it for the whole afternoon. It is much more fun and tastes like crap. My son tried it (he's 3) So, after all this brave talk I have to tell you...I have struggled too in the past few weeks. I felt great after being on all liquids for almost two weeks. My tummy went way down and my energy was up. It shrunk my pouch and I got a handle on my eating. HOWEVER, I started eating crap and gained weight back.  Now days my main mission in life is to keep my bloodsugar steady. If I can do this (by abstainig from anything bready, white, sugary, ect) I can keep my SERATONIN (happy brain hormones) levels steady and hence...not be on a rollercoaster ride of emotional eating all the freaking time! Otherwise it is a ride from hell you can never get off of. (VITALADY taught me all this and it is so true). I concentrate on EATING OTHER THINGS...ALMOST ANYTHING except crap that will send me into a downward spiral of shame leading to consuming more and more "comfort food" that leads to weight gain. That means no sugars. Heck, right now I can't even handle the sugar in fresh fruit. It is like crack to me and makes me want more and more. Sigh...sorry for the novel but I have a lot on my mind! Molly

Hey, if a Novel is what it takes, write on Sister!!! LOL  I think you have spoken for a lot of us. I'm not sure that I am "capable" of getting that angry, but I'd probably be a lot happier if I could!!! I applaud you for getting those feelings out where they can be seen and not trying to stuff them down with food again. Sounds like you are making great progress. Thanks for posting!! Hugs,   Piggybabe

I guess when I talk about getting mad enough to DO something about the problem I am thinking of those feelings as a catalyst to change. If I don't feel some deep level of discomfort I just kind of keep failing and not really caring if I change or not.  Those feelings are what moved me to the decision to have wls in the first place, KWIM? Thanks for your thoughts Piggybabe!

Hi Molly, Why is it so hard.... I do struggle.... i am almost 4 years out at the end of this month. i know there is more poeople just like you and i that have this hard problem. today all i had is protein shakes with skim milk, water, def coffee, broth.. i am not sure how long i will do this. i plan on going to the hospital gym later also. i dont have a breadmaker, i do it by scratch... i have tons of recipe books but i wont throw them out. i will find something healthy in them to make at least once a month. and i dont mean a dessert. i am here also....... i will win this problem... anita

Hi Molly! I have been following your posts for awhile now and its great to see you here again!  I agree that it is SO easy to become complacent~just kind of stroll along and think "well 2 cookies won't hurt much, a bite of cake here and there isn't so bad"~but for those that can't do things in moderation that's a disaster waiting to happen! It just seems to set up a cycle of wanting more and more to the point where too much is never enough. I get so irritated with myself whenever I let sugar and crappy foods back into my life~its like "why did you even start it?" b/c its such a struggle to detox from that stuff~it truly is a drug, IMO. I do enjoy life better when I'm living a life of getting back to basics~I feel better physically and mentally. I do realize that this is very difficult for alot of people and its hard for me too, but I have to remind myself (sometimes literally from minute to minute, LOL) that the benefits certainly make it so well worth it. I also agree with you that taking control of the situation, the environment around you, etc is very important. Its hard for me not to keep some things in the house b/c my husband and the kids enjoy them, but for the most part I keep it to a minimum b/c the temptation is too great some days.  The one thing that helps me is to remember that we're all in this together and we have each other to talk to, vent to, scream to, cry to, run to for help, guidance or just friendship. We have all been brought together thru the same struggle and this gives us an insight into each others lives that many people just don't have.

Tracy, You are so right about becoming complacent. with eating. I can be the queen of justification sometimes.  I guess that is why I am getting so dramatic about the problem and really going on the attack or else I am just a luke warm, lacksidasical, wishy washy carb craving fiend wanting more and more all the time.  But anyway, great to see you too!!! Molly

Here - here!!  Whoo hoo, when the fat get mad the fat get going!!

Thank you for your post. It opened my eyes to what carbs can do to us. I never even thought that my emotional roller coaster ride could have been caused from the carbs that I am consuming. I will have to look at where I am on the roller coaster and see if I can get off of this crazy ride... tootles cath

Hey Cath!  You are so cute! I just love that little black dress in your avatar.  Ok, I guess the rollercoaster comes from the seratonin level in the brain going all wonky all the time. The more I eat the more I crave. Vitalady pointed this all out to me in an email when I posted here for help a few months ago. I used to skip breakfast and be fine with that. Then I would start snacking on toddler food (goldfish crackers, graham crackers for gosh sakes!) about mid day.I would have a sorry excuse for a dinner and never sit down for a proper meal. Then at night I would have a heckof a hard time stopping eating chips, crackers, popcorn, pretzles, even sometimes cookies! Then sometimes in the middle of the night or late at night I would have a reactive hypoglycemic attack and have to eat something else so I could sleep. So, now that I have given up all of that junk I feel sooo much better and the cravings are gone. My one indulgence is a snack size bag of popcorn every night with something very cold to drink and that really curbs my appetite for the whole night! Oh well, I am still processing all of this info and that is why I am giving such a long response. Bear with me here! Molly