What WLS?? Starting Over

Its so true as a few have said here.  They operate on our tummy's but not our minds.  That is our operation and health to maintain.  But after returning here I feel like I am home and find comfort and smiles.  It helps keep the mind on track and makes it all so much easier and even fun to some extent.  For the newer peeps.  Don't worry.  You will be fine just keep in touch, and take time for you and check yourself on occassion and it will help.  We are human and you will not be perfect all the time but that is part of learning what we are all about.  As far as support other than here and finding a group, your surgeon should of know where to steer you in your area. If not the hospital itself where you had your surgery may have some options for you.  Good Luck.  All take care! 

Without knowing more about you, the first thing that comes to mind is - what happened since you were "on the wagon" that made you fall off the wagon?  And you mentioned meeting your boyfriend around the same time.  I wonder if you don't think you deserve to be happy and so, instead of allowing yourself happiness with him, you're punishing yourself for some reason, by letting the old habits creep back in?  This is the post-therapy me talking - this isn't something I ever would have considered before I started seeing a counselor, but that's usually the question that comes up when I eat something I know will make me sick, but I eat it anyway.  This particular dark chocolate will make me gassy, bloated, ugh.  But that doesn't stop me from eating it.  So my therapist will ask why I'm punishing myself...  I guess it could apply to your situation too? In any event, you do deserve to be happy and it sounds like you have a great guy - let him be supportive and accept what he's willing to do to help you get yourself back on track.  You may not want to depend on him or have your weight loss become his concern, but the happier YOU ARE, the happier he will be!  So it'll be good all around.  With his help and with checking in online again, you'll be able to stay motivated - you can do it!  Keep us posted!

Stacy, I swear I could have written your post!!  I too am an all or nothing girl.....was "perfect" after surgery and reached goal in under a year (-170), reaching a size 4/6.  I maintained and followed the rules for another year or so...then started "testing the waters".  Now you'd swear I'd never had surgery, and don't live as anyone with any rules whatsoever!!!  I've gained about 45 lbs., wear a tight size 12, and hate myself once again!! My life has changed alot.  In the past 2 1/2 years, I've gotten married & have adopted 2 kids.  Life has channged drastically, and unlike before, it's not much "about me".  For about the first year post op I was almost obsessive about taking care of my body...now I don't seem to care at all.  I don 't want to be this way, but don't seem to be able to turn the bus around!!  Doing a "timeout" is not for me.  I need to learn how to learn everyday, not just temporarily be strict.  Granted, it would probably get me back under control, but it will also get me back into the "all or nothing" mode again, which makes me believe I'll end up back in nothing mode eventually!!   I have been "studying" my thin friends...ones who've never had a weight issue.  I see they live balanced lives.  They take the time to take care of their bodies, and its a normal part of their day....not a big deal that they even mention.  They make healthy food choices, and splurge once in a while.  They know that taking time for themselves...girls night, bath time, a long walk...whatever...is good for their family too, so its a priority.  I had asked one of these friends to help me find balance, but its such a natural part of her lifestyle, it doesn't seem to be working out...although just observing her day as mother, wife and employee is informational, I guess. I desparately need balance, and I'm not sure how to get it started!!  My family  would support me in anything..they know I'm depressed and frustrated and want me to be happy again.  I've gotten to the point that I don't want to go places where I may run into people who will notice my weight gain.  I don't want to see the all familiar look of people acknowledging my failure.  After all, I was going to prove to everyone that there really was a thin person trapped in that fat body for all those years, and I was going to be the WLS success poster child.  I keep trying to convince myself that all is not lost (or gaiend, actually) and it is worth it to save me from continual gain, but I 'm struggling to stop the behaviors!!  I start everyday on the right foot (protein drink), but usually by 2 pm I've shoved crap in my mouth!! Anyway, I'd love to get in on your circle of support.  Today I weighed in at 184.5.  I want to get back down to 160....not where I once was, but a manageable, healthy weight (I'm almost 5'9", so its within normal BMI).   Good Luck!!  We can all do this...we just need to do it EVERYDAY!! Kathy

Stacy- Many thanks to you for posting.  I can relate so much however it was only the beginning of this very summer that I was beginning to think that regain wasnt going to happen to me.  What happened?  SUGAR.  I cannot get enough of it.  I realize that I have a serious addiction.  I am up 8 to 10lbs- but its coming back quickly.  I'm scared but at the same time, I've already started the old mindset that I've screwed up & almost accepted that I'm going to be big again.  The past 2 days I've went to the store to get bigger pants because my regular ones were too tight & driving me crazy after a few hours of wear.  Thank you for making me stop in my tracks.  I need to make some changes & face the music now.   Amy

Coming back to OH is a great start.  I'm on the boards throughout the day now (summer vacation from teaching), especially when I feel like eating.  I'm having to reteach myself the rules of the pouch, and constantly remind myself I'm changing my life.   I had WLS about 2 year ago.  I never met goal.  I started cheating with little bites of no-no foods that added up to eating more than I should.  I'm cursed that I don't dump.  I finally started lurking on the boards again, noticed the Labor Day Challenge, and signed up.  I can't believe that I prayed for a 2nd chance, promised I'd never mistreat my body again if I could only have this surgery, and now I'm hoping for a 3rd chance to get it right!  I just know that I can't screw this up.  I need to be successful.  I don't want to hear some friends, some family, and some co-workers say, "I knew it was a matter of time before she'd gain her weight back." JackieBel

Man today when I read your post it almost brought tears to my eyes I could relate so well. I have put on about 15lbs. I am so frightened by the thought of gaining back anything else. I can still fit in my 12's but they are darn tight! :) I never want to go about that and I ideally would like to loose another 30 lbs. I would love to stay in contact with you and any of the other ladies that are interested in maybe daily emails to keep eachother accountable. My email address is [email protected] I say today is the day for me to get back to the basic...It is a new month and I need to have a new attitude. I am sure stress did account for some of the weight gain...I was recently married. WOW was that a stresser....all the bills and planning that goes into that is enough to make anyone fall off the bandwagon....But I am ready to hop back on. Keep me in your prayers and I will keep you in mine. It is a daily struggle but being thin is worth the struggle when I think back to all the health problems and all the aches and pains I had from being overweight. Take care and God Bless

Hi Stacy,  This is exactly what I was looking for.  I was searching for someone that maybe might have done the same as me.  I have also gained 25 lbs.  It makes me sick.  I never met me goal either.  I was so sick at first that when I could finally eat something I ate what I could hold down.  Alto sugar makes me dump, at first all the time , now not as often, It was what I could eat.  I told myself that it was ok to think this way.  Anyway,  I went from 260 before surgery, 255 on day of surgery down to 175 and 2 nights ago I weighed 195 and jumped off the scales so fast I'm surprised I didn't fall.  That was really the most exercise I had done in a while.  You know I want to laugh about this and make a joke about it but it is not funny.  Not at you or anyone else that has replied but this is my way of dealing with things.  Not a good thing tho this time.  I think about food all the time.  I buy every book and magazine that I see about weight loss.  I think that might be a lot of my problem.  Always before when I had lost weight I would start to regain and the first thing that I would do is say <" well I've got to go back on a diet."   Wrong thoughts I think.  It seems that what I think and the way that I think makes a difference.  I know some people will say I am crazy, but I watched Oprah the day they talked about the secret and I do believe that stuff is right.  When I started looking into gastric bypass I knew it was for me.  so I did everything that I could to try and get the surgery.  Things just fell right into place.  I have always wanted to have Lasik surgery on my eyes.  I've worn glasses all my life.  so someone came to my home and told me they had it done how they financed it and I looked into it made an appointment and the next week I had it done.  That was in June of this year.  Reading the book The Secret, it seems that what you think and see and invision comes back to us.  I hope I am making sence.  anyway,  I do need help  I am trying to get focused and see myself as 175 and below.  I know I have to exercise and eat right also.  So this morning  I went to the grocery store and bought WW stuff and fruits and vegetables.   A big deal for me is that I have not eaten any sugar or chips in 2 days and did not buy any at the store today.  I would love to get in the email group with you all cause I do need the support.  my email address is [email protected].  good luck to you and I know you will get back to your goal.  Judy

Wow. It is scary that so MANY of us relate to this post, but I suppose it is a good thing too.  It's good that we realize that we have a "situation" (that sounds sooooo much better than  Problem   LOL) and that we need to get it under control now!!! I've only gained about 8 lbs. but I HATE it.  I don't hate myself, but I do hate that I am not in control as I  once was.  I can see "old" patterns reappearing at an alarming rate!  Thanks for being brave enough to post and giving the rest of us courage, too. I do believe that we can do this!!!      Hugs to all,      Piggybabe

Yep.. lots of us in the same boat.  Well I've turned it around and started on the right track again since I posted. I have a little email group going, tracking in fitday, and I weighed myself finally. Here is the link to my fitday if anyone is curious: http://www.fitday.com/WebFit/PublicJournals.html?Owner=STACY KIELTY So not looking to beat myself up but doing some soul searching and trying to figure out what happened and how so I can recognize the patterns if that starts again and learn from this huge "fall off the wagon experience"... straying for a meal or too.. not so bad.. even a week.. straying off for almost a year.. NO EXCUSE!! I think it all revolves around balance.  I am sterotypical compulsive.  I do everything to extremes and have to constantly keep this in check regardless if it is food, exercise, dating, relationships, volunteer work, new projects. After much thought and reading your posts I came up with some specific triggers: 1)Burned out on the WLS community.   I was logged in constantly to this site. On IM chatting all the time with other WLS patients. Even put my career 2nd.  I also took on leadership roles by starting up "Kligman's Krew" - a yahoo group for other patients that had my surgeon.  Eventually, I grew weary of living up to being a mentor for others and felt like I just wanted  to focus more on me.   The time I put into it all was huge and I sacraficed too much time in the other areas in my life. Solution: Log in once a day or pop in on the boards from time to time, no need to stay logged in all day long,  stay in touch with just a few people via email for more specific support    2) New friends after my divorce. Very shortly after surgery I divorced and started fresh with new social groups.  Two major groups -  WLS friends and  local friends mostly in the Baltimore Jewish community.   With both new social groups I stretched myself really thin and priorities changed.  Instead of putting myself first I started to put volunteer work first, social events with friends, lots of dinners out, and when I was single dating several times a week.  At first excessive dating but eventually I calmed down. Along with that I became more relaxed on my diet and exercise regimine until it faded out all together.  Again, just so focused on my social groups I forgot #1 needs.   Solution: Me first the majority of the time, then the other activites, limit the # of social groups and organizing I do. It gets too nutty. Example:  In an organization called Chai Life that has dif groups connected to it. I was asked to run one of the groups. Picked one that has monthly events instead of weekly.  I will be running a group called  Java Jews that meets at coffee house around Baltimore. Baltimore.   No need to lead any WLS groups.. I can just be part of them or keep a small group of people I am in daily contact with via email.  Got to the point that I had so many friends in the WLS community that  work suffered because I was trying to support them all day long and too involved in there lives. 3) Major Relationship with somewhat of a  lifestyle clash. (smoking, planned exercise, dietary needs differ drastically) Ely, the now serious boyfriend and potentially next husbad, I met after about a years worth of dating or so via Jdate.   Solution: I can depend on his support and he would (and has) changed behavior to help me out but I need to be strong and stand on my own two feet without him. Actually I rather tie him very little into to my efforts unless it is when we cook together. Then we need to compromise more. -   Example: If Ely can't sleep and wants to stay up until 2am I need to force myself to resist wanting to hang out with him and go to sleep at 10 or 11 so I can be up at 5:30am to workout on most days.  I also won't tell him to come to bed when I go to bed. Same deal with smoking.  He won't smoke around me if I don't want him but I also would not nag him to quit.  However, when he does smoke I always seem to want to smoke as well.  Typically once I am consistent with workouts this desire goes completely away. I also can't expect him to go to the gym with me do planned workouts. He just isn't a planned exercise person and really he doesn't need to be.  He is more of a team sports athlete -- starting a softball team together, and has a physically demanding job that keeps him in shape. We are going to play in the Baltimore Kickball League on the Canton JV team Thursday nights together.  Cooking is another area we discussed. That we do have to partner up on as we take turns cooking for one another.  He is on bored with preping healthy meals though. Last night he made turkey sausage in sauce.  Put it over pasta for himself and I just stuck with the meat.  He also has known from day one that I don't leave the house without eating a healthy breakfast. He has really crazy eating habits - no breakfast, lives off coffee, eats one or two meals a day.  It seems to have worked for him the last 40 years so it just isn't my place to ask otherwise.  It doesn't mean I have to follow his lead. I will take my own lead and he can either do his own thing or join me. It won't make a difference. Thanks!