Relapse 4 years out

I've been bad... really, really bad and now I've gained about 20 pounds in the last few weeks. I'm drinking alcohol, and I know that that is part of the problem and I'm also "grazing" and can't seem to get control of myself. Even with my gentleman friend having been recently diagnosed as diabetic and helping him with his diet, I find myself cheating (dietarily, lol) on him too, when he's being so good with changes he's going through. In my defense, (or searching for justification) the past year has been full of physical and emotional upheavals. I had a stroke in August, not bad and I'm back to doing everything I did before but I do have deficits no one notices but me. I also had anemia so bad that I had to have a blood transfusion when I was in the hospital for the stroke. Then my dad had atrial fib and had to have that taken care of, my sister developed such a bad gallbladder that she had to have a gallbladder tube in for almost 3 months before she could even have the surgery to remove it, my little nephew was born with Down's Syndrome and then a month ago, I had to fly down to Florida to drive my parents home after it was determined that my mother's bad valves were so bad that she had to have them fixed. She goes to Chicago for that on Tuesday. When she's recovered enough my dad is going to have to have gallbladder surgery also. I sometimes just want to run away to an island somewhere and lay in a hammock under a palm tree and pretend the rest of the world doesn't exist! Those aren't good excuses for what I'm doing to myself but I can't seem to stop. If anyone else has struggled with this and can help me, please send me an email  message, if that's allowed. I hate to take up the group's time and bandwidth with my whining. I just know that really, the only folks who have a chance of helping me are people who've been there. In spite of everything, I don't regret doing it... I just don't want to undo all I've done. Thanks for listening. DebF 

 Many of us have come here with the intention to get back on track. What helped me recently, and many others, is to get back to basics with protein shakes, increase water, no carbs... see postings labeled referring to "Time Out."  Some are doing it strictly and others care modifying it with a protein dense and veggie meal. Think about getting an accurate mental health assessment as well, this is what I do for a living and I think you might find some additional help in regaining control and feeling better overall. Let me know if you have any other questions, and I commend you for reaching out and taking a step in caring for yourself.

Thanks, Melady. I have thought that I need to get back to the protein shakes and water thing...just haven't gotten it done yet. I will make it a priority. I need to get back on the antidepressant that the doctor put me on after the stroke too. I don't notice it helping that much when I'm on it but think maybe I'm worse without it. Probably need to get some counselling too as I didn't get any of that before the surgery.

I am not surprised an antidepressant was prescribed, I am pleased your symptoms were not ingnored but your PCP is trying to help. Most antidepressants take a few WEEKS to start working, then you have to find if it is the right dose to get good symptom management, OR if you need a med to go with it to help OR if another med would work better instead. That does take time and consistent follow-up but the goal should be the symptoms are much better.  Don't put pressure on yourself to do too much, set one goal and work at that (like adding water, or doing one protein shake instead of one meal, or walking 3-4 times a week, etc.)   then build on your success. If you look around, that is what most of us are doing as well.

I understand your feelings.  Its hard when everything comes at you all at once.  How to cope when your best friend food can't be there for you is a very hard question to answer at least for me!  One good thing is you are recognizing the problems.  Now you have to address them.  Don't ignore yourself because you are worth the time and effort.  Because you know these things are not good for you say to yourself...."Deb this has to change because I have changed!"  And you have changed and its for the better!  Take the deep breath when things seem to be closing in on you.  Remember the old you....now think of the new you!  I do hope things get better for you but if you need to vent this is a good place to come and do it!  Take care. Debbie