My conclusion on Time Out and a discussion hopefully!
Hey Everyone.
Please be patient as I have a lot on my mind.
First of all I would love to thank you for all of your support, emails, constructive critisism. ALL of it has been very helpful to me during this time of digging really deep to find out how I work.
Yes, I have done really well with my liquid diet and am glad I did it as I had a lot of time to think without stuffing my face with comfort food that was actually poisoning me. My scale has not moved in a few days and I am a little bummed about that 
(starvation mode?). I have leared a lot about myself and have come to some very disturbing (but good to know) conclusions about how I work. More of how my mind works and less of how my body works.
Two weeks ago I had a meltdown and logged onto OH after a long time away. I was at my wit's end and very depressed about my weight gain. So, I started a liquid diet meaning to lose a lot of weight and to re-shrink my pouch. I did manage to lose 8 pounds in the time that I stuck with it. The really cool thing is that I didn't crave sugar, feel weak, didn't have my infamous blood sugar peaks and valleys that send me to the couch, ect!
This is what I learned on this liquid diet:
1) It didn't really shrink or "reset" my pouch as I had hoped. But, when I *did* eat, I ate only healthy, lean dense proteins which I had not been good at doing before. Of course 3 shrimp are going to sit well in my pouch when I am water loaded, ate them slow and enjoyed them a lot. They are the perfect food. Chips, crackers and crap will wash right through like always. So, in reality I could claim : eating only lean dense protiens "shrinks" up my pouch!
2) If I eat carbs, white sugars, I will crave sugars just like I used to crave a cigarette when I quit smoking. The carbs do something wicked and evil to me and send me totally out of whack. It is a visious cycle and I am so glad I broke that cycle on my liquid diet. This was the main benefit of this whole experiment! When I consume anything with lots of carbs in it I will try to get more and more til I make myself sick.
Now I am in a quandry as to why the heck can I not lead a well rounded life of moderation and balance. I am like this in so many aspects of my life. If I spend too much money, I go on a "spending moritorium" and leave all my debit cards at home (like time out****il I get over it and then I resume spending (binging kind of) when I am comfortable again. A few months ago I felt like I was out of balance with my ebay life and closed my ebay store and took a hiatus from selling at ALL, now I am about to lose my powerseller certification and I want to delve back in. Sometimes I let my house get really messy and then pull an all nighter getting it to look like a page right out of Pottery Barn. WTHeck is wrong with me?
Why do I go to these extremes??? If you lead a life of sane moderation and balance how DO you do it? Please share!
Sigh...If you are still reading this, bless you! I appreciate you. Don't get me wrong people...I love me, accept the good parts of me and want to work on the lacking parts to improve myself. I am open to any sage advise you might offer.
Molly
First of all I would love to thank you for all of your support, emails, constructive critisism. ALL of it has been very helpful to me during this time of digging really deep to find out how I work.
Yes, I have done really well with my liquid diet and am glad I did it as I had a lot of time to think without stuffing my face with comfort food that was actually poisoning me. My scale has not moved in a few days and I am a little bummed about that (starvation mode?). I have leared a lot about myself and have come to some very disturbing (but good to know) conclusions about how I work. More of how my mind works and less of how my body works.
Two weeks ago I had a meltdown and logged onto OH after a long time away. I was at my wit's end and very depressed about my weight gain. So, I started a liquid diet meaning to lose a lot of weight and to re-shrink my pouch. I did manage to lose 8 pounds in the time that I stuck with it. The really cool thing is that I didn't crave sugar, feel weak, didn't have my infamous blood sugar peaks and valleys that send me to the couch, ect!
This is what I learned on this liquid diet:
1) It didn't really shrink or "reset" my pouch as I had hoped. But, when I *did* eat, I ate only healthy, lean dense proteins which I had not been good at doing before. Of course 3 shrimp are going to sit well in my pouch when I am water loaded, ate them slow and enjoyed them a lot. They are the perfect food. Chips, crackers and crap will wash right through like always. So, in reality I could claim : eating only lean dense protiens "shrinks" up my pouch!
2) If I eat carbs, white sugars, I will crave sugars just like I used to crave a cigarette when I quit smoking. The carbs do something wicked and evil to me and send me totally out of whack. It is a visious cycle and I am so glad I broke that cycle on my liquid diet. This was the main benefit of this whole experiment! When I consume anything with lots of carbs in it I will try to get more and more til I make myself sick.
Now I am in a quandry as to why the heck can I not lead a well rounded life of moderation and balance. I am like this in so many aspects of my life. If I spend too much money, I go on a "spending moritorium" and leave all my debit cards at home (like time out****il I get over it and then I resume spending (binging kind of) when I am comfortable again. A few months ago I felt like I was out of balance with my ebay life and closed my ebay store and took a hiatus from selling at ALL, now I am about to lose my powerseller certification and I want to delve back in. Sometimes I let my house get really messy and then pull an all nighter getting it to look like a page right out of Pottery Barn. WTHeck is wrong with me?
Why do I go to these extremes??? If you lead a life of sane moderation and balance how DO you do it? Please share!
Sigh...If you are still reading this, bless you! I appreciate you. Don't get me wrong people...I love me, accept the good parts of me and want to work on the lacking parts to improve myself. I am open to any sage advise you might offer.
Molly 
Molly,
I have no advice for you as a lot of the times I am the same way....mostly about food and the cleaning you mentioned.
My therapist calls this Black or White thinking. You know....all or nothing, feast or famine. We have been working on it for a long time now and it's still not 100 percent better. Each year I get a little better in one aspect of this way of thinking. Baby steps really. In 10 years, I may appear to lead a balanced life.....I hope.
Glad you got some good things out of your time out time. I have lost 6 pounds and have begun to add soft things like protein pudding and applesauce back in. Today I had a 1/4 c. chili for lunch and was pleased with fullness. I will slowly work up to solid type protein. Time out has taught me how little food I need if I am eating the right things. It was never about me being hungry all the time, it was about me eating things that fooled me into thinking I was hungry.
Good luck
Rachael
BTW-my chaplaincy has really made me a pile of exhaustion this week. I was placed in the Neo-natal Intensive Care unit.................sigh. The nurses there are amazing. The families all look so tired and worn out. I am coming home dead to the world.
Thanks Rachael,
Great to see you today. Thanks for your input. I am sure I "appear" to have a balanced life to those around me except you all and my husband. Sometimes the added pressure of appearing to "have it together" is a pain but I don't want appear a mess either, LOL! So, I definately got a lot out of my liquid diet venture but besides just losing a few pounds I gained a whole new perspective on food and myself. Maybe I need thereapy! Actually, I am sure I do and wi**** was covered under my ins.
Molly
Molly you have done good so far on Time Out.This is only a short term solution to a long term problem.Try doing what you did before like you have plans on doing adding some foods back into your diet.You can do it ,I have faith in you.
Maybe instead of seeing a therapist join OO or go to support meetings.OH is good but having to talk to people who might be going through the same thing but have no where else to go.You can all help each other.
I know you will not do this ,since you are determine to be healthy but keep exercising.It will improve your mental well being.
Do not knock yourself down,we have all been there,WE ARE ALL FOOD ADDICTS.We use food for all reasons.
Molly keep up what you are doing and look forward with more wisdom from you and other post.
bob
A heartfelt thank you for responding instead of just being another voyeur in this thread in which I chose to bare my soul on all this!!!
I AM glad I am getting a grip on my eating and recognizing these patterns in my behavior. I am still drinking shakes and will continue to add more solids back in and log everything in Fit Day!
Thanks Bob for having a word of encouragement!
Awwwww Molly. I could have written your post today! I was thinking on the way home how I do everything to extreme. I don't just work, I overwork. When I clean, I overclean. I do volunteer work, but its not enough to do an hour here or there... I do full weekends of it.. until I'm exhausted. When I eat I overeat.. when I'm depressed I shop.. and spend too much money. I started back at the gym after a year and on day three tried to run... after walking 3.5 m iles. Pulled a muscle in my back! I told someone this morning.. that I am too competitive... even with myself!
You're not alone Molly.. and thanks for sharing. Part of why we are the way we are.. is to help others.
Bottom line is.. I like myself. Dont always like the choices I make.. but I am accountable for them.. and thats ok.
Thanks Helen. I had a feeling I wasn't alone on the extreme stuff. I just am looking to strike a balance and it is a struggle I battle everyday.
I like me too! I like to have fun and feel alive and be outgoing and mouthy (with a smile) but I like and approve of it all but am also not so silly to think I can't improve and enjoy life even more. I just hate feeling out of control...eating, shopping, starting, stopping, praying, meditating, positive self-talk, slapping myself...and that is all just in one day!!! 
I was curious where you ended up this week, did you choose NICU or were you placed there based on your choices? I would love to be a resource for you in that I have had such personal experience and professionally as a nurse if you have any questions for a NICU baby's mom or as a nurse who may be knowledgable about the NICU care/procedures, etc I would be very glad to help. And you are SO right about the all or nothing thinking, it is a very detrimental way of veiwing things that so often sabotages things and it is a very unrealistic way to veiw things in real life. Oh, and make sure you prioritize some self care, it can be very tempting to do for others all day and deplete your resources, then we default to those bad habits most often when that happens.
They put us places, not for any particular reason I guess. I had a lovely staff nurse offer to show me around the unit. She was great. She explaned how the unit works and all and the different rooms and 'pods' as she called them. Everyone whispers there. I just wish that they would utilize our resources for happy times to, not just for crisis. I had a bad first experience where the mother and father were crying(They had just got bad news) and i just happened to be standing there and the mother flipped out..."I thought my baby wasn't going to die, why's the chaplain there?" that sort of thing. In Labor and Delivery, the nurses just flat out said they don't really like us there because we agitate the mothers. They think a baby died or something.
Since the nurses weren't very responsive to me being there, I thought I would walk the hall and look for "It's a boy" signs or happy things and knock on a door and say congratulations before saying I am the chaplain. Try to start on a happy note!
THanks
Rachael
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