OUT OF CONTROL !!!!

I don't know where to start....I'm desperate...I had my gastric bypass 6 years ago - lost 164 lounds...but in the last 1 1/2 years I've gain ..85 lbs back!!!  I'm freaking out!!  I hate myself, I hat my body and I am desperate!!!!! I feel like the biggest failure...how did I let this happen?  How do I fix it?  I've been trying Nutrisystem, Hoodia, you name it and I've done it...but I can't control myself...I graze all day and make up excuses not to wokout...I'm too busy, I have to get up early tomrrow for work, I'm too tired...it's endless.... What have I done?  Is there anyway to get back to the orginal...I can't have a revision - I mean, what insurance co is going to pay again when I have proven I can't even do it right the first time... I have no one to turn to...I feel disgusting...I don't want to feel that way anymore.... What do I do, where do I go, I know it sounds simple - shut your mouth, don't eat and get to the gym...but I think I am so depressed I don't want to do it...I'm an emotional basket case....anyone have any ideas????? I'm sorry - but if anyone has any advise - I would greatly appreciate it!!  Thanks for listening...

Sigh...oh gosh! i certainly hate to "view" your post and not say a word when obviously you are in a really horrible place. I can totally relate and feel your pain.  Read through this board and see if you can get some inspiration from the great people here as I am.  So, no real advice, just a hug and again, I feel your pain. I just went back on full liquids for two weeks to try to reset my pouch and regain control. I am not saying that this is the cure all for what you are going through but it is working for me. See my posts about that earlier.  Last week I was hating myself and a crying mess too. So, I DO "get" how you feel.

Hi, I just wanted to let you know you are not alone.  I gained 60# back and had to get major remotivation to get back on track.  I just had to make up my mind that I would do whatever I could do to get back to losing.  The loss is slow now, but I am losing again 6 # so far.  Are you going to support group meetings?  If not, I stress how much you need this.  There was not a group in my area, so I decided that I would start one and see if anyone else in my area was interested.  Long story short, I started in Jan with 4 members and in May we had 12.  I think it is important to have someone who has had the same experiences you have had to talk to and go to for support.  I wasn't active on OH, I knew about it, but thought I didn't need it.  I started posting here and have taken the leadership training offered here and both have helped me so much.  The people here for the most part are very supportive.   So take a deep breath, you have admitted that you have messed up and know you need to do something.  Quit beating yourself up and make a plan and stick to it.  We are here if you need us, you can PM me anytime and I would be glad to do all I can to help you. Good luck and remember that tomorrow is a brand new day. Darlene

Thank you for the advise.  I have been perusing the posts and have read up on your TIMEOUT plan.  I have a vitamin shoppe down the street and am going to stop tomorrow to pick up the protein shakes and start the liquid diet tomorrow...anything is better than stopping at McDonalds and getting something bad to eat then crying to myself in the car ride to work!!  Thank you both for your shoulder to cry on....I was going to individual therapy months ago for an unrelated issue...but not for this...maybe I should consider going back.... Wish me luck...I'm going to try to get on here at least once a day for support!   Thank you for believing in me when I don't feel like believing in myself.... Have a great night! 

Get in touch with your doctor. Depression meds may be in order. If you're on them already go in for tests to see if you're absorbing them. If you're not they aren't doing you any good. There are now medications available that help with the cravings - many post ops find as much as they want to they cannot control the cravings. It's considered a part of OCD and there is help out there. I know a few post ops on Luvox and they can't believe the difference in being able to control the cravings that caused them to regain in the first place. Find a good therapist who deals with post op weight loss patients. (your surgeon's office can probably recommend someone), and go regularly. It sometimes takes a little extra help to get us where we need to be. Take it one day at a time - exercise one day , but don't worry about the food intake. The next day the same, make exercise the habit then work on the intake. ONe day without too many carbs. One day with more water. Like that. If you try to do it all at once it will be too easy to fail. Get to a support group and see if there are others there who are going through the same. You can use the buddy system to get back on track. Check in here often - we'll help where we can too.  You can do this again. It's a matter of time, that's all. Don't be too hard on yourself.  

I also understand your pain. I am on the gaining track and I don't know why. I hated the weight and took drastic measures to lose it but now I am back to the old habits. I've gained 15 lbs and can easily see myself going back where I was. Now I need to "see" myself going back down. The grazing has to stop. I am depressed about where I am with my weight but only I can change it. To make matters worse...the perso who sits next to me at work had bypass surgery 6 months ago and she is still losing. Wonderful for her. But to hear her excitement over losing is almost unbearable. I  remember how I felt when I was losing every week. And her battle cries of "I'll never put it back on" is just as difficult to hear. I hope she's right.. but I said the same thing... I bet we all did.. and here we are. Good luck.. and know that you are not alone.

I read all the words here, and I feel like I was the one typing them instead of reading them.  I too had found myself out of control, but through the help of this website and all the wonderful, caring, motivating people here, I am beginning my journey to be a loser again. I purchased a few protein drinks at Vitamin Shoppe this weekend to try them, I have ordered some samples of some of the Nectar brand, and I am going to begin the "Time Out' plan for two weeks.  In the mean time (while I wait for my drinks), I am still cutting out my carbs, exercising each and every day, back to not eating with my meals (I know, a real no-no, but something I got back in the habit of) and just taking it one step at a time.  I packed my lunch last night, all healthy items, I have my taken my vitamins, and loaded up on my Crystal Light for work...I am ready! I know I have a lot of stress in my life right now, but I am NOT going to let that put me back to where I was before.  I am NOT going to go up over 200 pounds EVER again...I am going to gain control, stick with it, and be the best I can be to myself.  I am worth it, and I had this surgery for a reason, I am NOT going to mess it up.  We are all worth devoting ourselves back to the healthy way of life.  Believe in yourself, keep the faith, the Lord will provide for us, just put your faith in him, and take it one day at a time! Good luck to you, and I am right there with you..... Connie  

Hi there, I understand where you are coming from...I feel out of control at times. It is really hard work to maintain. Where are you located? It would be great if you had a buddy that would help you to get back on track. I have friends that keep me motivated and who come get me up in the AM to go walking. I am in the Ft. Lauderdale area..if you are in Fl give send me an email...let's see if we cant motivate each other. I will give you my phone number & we can talk..I am here for you when you are ready. Be blessed, Toni

Thank you all so much for your kind words and encouragement.  I am not on depression medicine - I'm one of those strong people (an excuse) that think I don't need medicine...LOL...I actually used to take Prozac when I was in college and very heavy...my Dr ended up OD'ing me and I cut it cold turkey...I was horrible.  I do understand they have better drugs now...I will ask my regular DR.  A far as my surgeon - he lost is medical license...scary huh??  Once I found out - I went to another DR and they ran all these tests to make sure I didn't have any problems with my pouch or staples or bowel obstructions...thank God I didn't.  So needless to say, I am on my own.   Toni - I do live in FL - North Lauderdale as a matter of fact.  Not too far from Davie.  I would love to have someone locally to buddy up with...you can email me directly [email protected]. I get so scared about the gym.  About 1 year ago I went gungho about the exercise thing - I had a personal trainer and worked out 6 times a week.  I was thinner than I ever had been in my life and my body was toned and has muscles.  Then I got busy with work and a new boyfriend that I let it all slip away.  The gym I used to go to is just down the street and I am PETRIFIED to go back there.  I feel like they are all gonna laugh and stare at me once they see how much weight I have gained....I'm so embarrassed!!!!   I used to go every morning and I figured I would go to another gym after work...WAY to busy....I have to way 20 minutes just to get on the treadmill and then when I am using the weight machines people stand over you waiting....I hate that!!  I need to stop using excuses right? I need to just suck it up and go and say screw them in my head right?  It's so EASY to say - not so EASY to do!!! Anyway, today is my first day of liquids...let's see if I can pull it off.   Thank you all for your support....I really appreciate it!!

Hiya Going to the gym was a tough thing for me too, so I can relate. I can tell you, that no one laughed at me or stared when I started. And, I weighed 330 pounds or so! I'm still one of the larger folks there working out (at 207) and no one laughs. Now, when I see someone who is larger coming in to workout I smile at them with what I hope is encouragement. You CAN begin committing to exercise again. I try not to tell myself that I have to go a certain number of times per week. Every morning I wake up and ask myself if I want to start my day on the right foot. Thus far, it seems to be working.  You can do it!