Just binged, why can't I control myself?

I am so angry and disappointed with myself.  I am an emotional eater and I don't dump on anything.  So, I just got the film developed from a trip to the beach last weekend.  I look like a freakin whale and that triggered my binge.  I just ate 2 servings of tortilla chips with salsa, drank a diet root beer with it, then stuffed down 5 freshly baked chocolate chip cookies from my daughter's slumber party.  I don't dump, so the only torment I have is sitting here hating myself and feeling like I'll never get this weight off.  I'll give a short version of my "story".  I am 5 years post op, lost 110 lbs the first year and then gained back 80 lbs over the next year and a half while taking a medication and eating the wrong way.  I have lost 22 lbs of that so far and would honestly like to lose about 95lbs from my current weight.  I have been trying to do the "time out" program that my surgeon suggested for a fellow patient and she shared on here.  I am doing a horrible job.  Not a single day have I been able to just drink protein shakes.  I have been adding a salad and shredded chicken or tuna each day.  For those of you following the time out plan, how are you doing on it?  I suck apparently.  The thing that confuses me the most is that I was anorexic and bulimic for most of high school and college.  There were months that I didn't eat anything but only drank milk, tea, juice, broth, etc.  (I sought help and recovered with counseling and medication, then gained all my pre-op weight.)  So, why in the heck can't I do it now when my surgeon is recommending it?  Yes, I have been in counseling and just never seem to get a grip on my emotional eating.  I would go to overeaters anonymous, but I have children who are home all summer now.  I just don't understand why I do this to myself.   Any suggestions, comments, butt kicks, hugs, or just your own stories would be appreciated.  I'll even take the flaming because nothing can be as bad as what I put myself through. Angela

I also am having a horrible time with my addiction.  I saw your post and want to let you know that you don't need to be kicked in the but you need to be loved.  I send you love now instead of hateing yourself and being so hard on yourself.  Go back to basics nothing fancy.  By the way I'm talking to myself at the same time since I posted my addiction to jelly beans.  Anyway.  when we eat this way we are either hurt, bored, in pain emotional mostly, bordem, you know the drill.  I love you because I am one of you and going through similar things.  So please call on me anytime for help and as you also know we're always trying to fill that empty space we feel inside.  Like I do now.  So if we could become aware that number 1 we have that empty space what can we fill it with that will improve our lives not hurt us.  Be well my friend and I'm pray for you if you will pray for me?

Karen, Thank you for the kind words.  Yes, I will pray for you and you do the same for me.  I just promise myself that I won't give up.  I have had issues with food my entire life, but I will always try to control it because letting go only makes things worse.   Angela

First let me say congratulations on losing 22 lbs.  This is no chump change.  Please dear heart, don't stare at the full 95 lbs you want to lose.  It will only stress you out.  Set mini goals.  Look at the next 10 lbs.  and once that's achieved the next.  You can do this.  You've already proved it to yourself with the 22 lbs.  The "time out" diet may not be for you.  I've tried it and failed miserably every time.  Right now I'm using fitday to track my eating and exercise.  I have a great days and some REALLY bad days.   It must be evening out as the scale is slowly moving again.  They key word is SLOWLY!  You might want to consider doing Weigh****chers at home.  The other thing I've done is partner with a friend and we share the good, the bad and the ugly on a daily basis.  Just talking through it helps.  Also, I post with a few folks on this site on the "Accountability..." what did you eat yesterday.  Again, posting the good, the bad, and the ugly including fitday counts for calories, protein, etc.  The short answer is give yourself credit for your accomplishments.  Stop looking backwards, it will only frustrate you.  Look forward with small achievable goals.  Connect only a daily basis with someone, online, on the phone, email.  Just connect with someone who understands and can walk with you on the journey to meeting your goals.  You can do this.  It won't be a perfect journey, there will be slips, but as long as the good days, outweigh the bad, you'll make it.  Just don't give up.  Keep dusting yourself off and continue the journey.  It's a lifelong one, even after we reach the goal, we have to continue to track ourselves.   Thank goodness for fitday and this website! Hang in there!  All the best... Denise

While I agree with 3 days of protein, vites & water only, my starting over plan is a little bit more generous with "busy foods", like salad.

I notice a lot of ppl do Nectars as their only protein. Some ppl are made more hungry by that one than others. But of course, not everyone.

If you want to try another approach, email my privately for the starting over plan and maybe you can get a grip on everything and put YOU back in the driver's seat with food.

Michelle, I have your starting over plan from an offer you made about 3 weeks ago to share it.  You emailed it to several people and I was one of those.  It is much more generous and I do trust your advice because you are a very long term success.  I just still have that "dieters" mentality and I jumped at the thought of a quick weight loss method that's approved and recommended by my surgeon.  I need to stop the feast then famine routine and find something that I can stick with on a regular basis.  I will give your plan an earnest try and see what happens.  I am happy that I added protein shakes to my daily routine because they do curb my appetite and I have more energy than I normally do.  I just can't seem to do them as my primary source of food.  Then I get angry with myself though because my surgeon recommends it and other people are able to do it.  Like I said before though, I am not giving up.  I have lost 22 lbs of my regain and as long as the scale is following a downward trend I am making progress in the long run.  I want to just shed it all like I did right after surgery, but maybe that's just unrealistic at this point.  I am 5years out and can consume quite a bit of food and I don't dump on anything.  Thanks for the reply and for your sound advice.  It's always appreciated. Sincerely, Angela

I know, eating anything at all is a big guilt thig for us How well I know. In my mind, tho I have firmly established protein as the source of thin, be it drink, bar (well, SOME bars) or meat.

So, with that in mind and metered volume ( I still give me an appropriate portion for NOW vs new), and eating it within about 15 minutes or when I feel full, whichever comes first, it has worked every time I've done it.

But we al know that starving it off too radically means regain when normal eating returns. So, yes, on protein for a coupla days, basically just to get off the merry-go-round, then "smart" foods, NO SUGAR (and read labels! milk, juice, fruit--danger!) and you can ease back into meals without much thought, keeping sugar out and white carbs to a minimum FOR LIFE.

I recommend at least 4 proteins per day, one before each meal if you're a volume eater or between if you're a grazer.

But I lean more toward the protein blends vs isolates because they satisfy (as in , scratch the itch, not necessarily make full) longer. And a dab of fat (like PB?) makes them satisfy even longer

Hi Michelle, I would like your starting over plan, if you dont mind.  Im over two years out and I never actually reached goal, I am still working on it, but lately as winter ha**** us here in Sydney, I have turned to carbs more than I should and have put on a few pounds lately.  I would really appreciate your advice on what ever this time out approach is that others seem to be talking about. hugs, Helen

i'm so sorry it takes me so long to get back to ppl. between the pain & pain meds, i'm just slow. please write to me at [email protected] , cuz then i can just cut 'n paste with my one good arm

Hello Michelle, I was reading some old posts, Please send me your starting over plan.  Thanks Mich