sometime I hate

sometimes I hate it when : I constantly have to worry about what I eat. all i think about is food. I never stop thinking about my extra skin I look in the mirror and still look fat. I cant quit thinking about my weight. I eat to much. I feel guilty. Im tired of trying. I have to take my vitamins I just want to run away. I realize I have an eating disorder. I know it will never be easy for me.

AMEN!  I feel you on this....I had 2 babies back to back..I had my son in February of last year, and my daughter in January of this year..Gained almost 90 pounds between the 2...I hate myself for the weight gain...Even though I KNOW the gain was for a good cause, it is still a gain...I have about 50 pounds to get back to where I was when I found out I was preggers with my son in July of 05...I KNOW I will get there..But I still hate the way I feel...I even had a tummy tuck done..My belly isnt flat the way it used to be, and my husband tells me all the time how beautiful I am, and my mother tells me stop stressing it, the weight will come off, but I am still angry with me...I am just sick about the weight...There are days that I work my TAIL off and than there are days like today that I am eating everything in site...Yeah i have my monthly right now, but ITS STILL NO EXCUSE! Thank you for posting this, because I had to get this off my chest! Jen

I hear ya and I'm right there with you. My therapist told me I need to get more things in my life so that I can start to focus on something other than all the things you described. I'm working on it, but not sure that I'm making much progress yet. I am looking into going back to school for nursing though.

Hi Sheila. I see you had surgery at Vanderbilt as well.  I am just newly a year about but I know exactly how you feel.  It's like we used to obsess about losing and dieting...and now....oh weight...same stuff.   I really have had a good support by seeing the same psychologist before and after surgery.  She helps me focus on the positive.  Like...what we've accomplished.  I hope you find some piece and something else to occupy your time. Rachael

After lurking here a while, I am seriously reconsidering my surgery date of  July 3.  It seems y'all's struggles are no different than before surgery.  I am wondering if I should go through with the rearrangement of my  plumbing if  I am going to struggle with food and weight gain for the rest of my life anyway.  Are you happy that you chose to have WLS,?  Would you do it all over again?  Is there anything positive about it? 

ok, yes there are alot if positives about this surgery. I can now walk, run, ride a bike, breathe, play with my grandkids, tie my own shoes, get myself dressed, wait on myself, cook, clean, work, have a life, and so on...... sometimes I have off days, and I need encouagement when days are hard, and I do get hard days just like everyone else and just because I lost 100% of my excess weight doesnt make my problems dissapear, although for some insane reason I thought loosing weight would make everything perfect, and it doesnt. I would do it again. I don't get much support at home, and I need this place. I have good days too. I'm sorry If I discouraged you, but it is a forever thing and some days are very hard for me. good hopes and wishes to you..Sheila

I do not think you should reconsider surgery based on this post. If you have the surgery scheduled already, you have obviously done your research, testing, and have physical health need as to why this would benefit you. I just posted yesterday about my 3 year check up. I too have lost 100% of my excess body weight, but I also continue to struggle with my addiction to food, head hunger, and a distorted view of myself.  But I also know my heart is thanking me for getting rid of 160 healthy pounds. My legs and feet and joints no longer ache from carrying around the extra baggage.  BUT...this surgery is on your stomach, not your head. Most all of us will always have food issues. If we didn't it is likely that we wouldn't have been obese to begin with. This surgery is not for the faint of heart. You have to try to 'work your tool' as much as you can. Contrary to popular opinion, WLS is NOT the easy way out. I think it is good that you are lurking here because everyone needs to know the reality of life as a post-op. Not that it is bad, I wouldn't say that by any stretch.  Would I do it again?! ABSOLUTELY, five million times over! I have my health back, and I feel so much better overall.  Valena

RIN,    I think you need to get some perspective here.  This is a support forum,  ergo, you are more likely to get people that need support or want to give it. There are thousands of people who have had RNY or other WLS and never contribute to this Board.   I am struggling with a 3 year small weight gain, of about 10lbs,  however, I am still 110lbs lighter than I was three years ago.   Was it easy?  Actually I think it was - nothing much to moan about at all.  The surgery was a breeze, I had no post operative pain and the weight fell off with little effort in about 9 months.  Any difficulties like vomiting etc, were not life altering and for me, not something I thought was worth writing about - other people obviously feel differently. The 10lbs are a little pesky but I still have a BMI of 24 which is considered normal.  I eat well, exercise regularly and am still getting in size 10 jeans.  I am an extremely fit, healthy 45 year old woman whose only "medication" is vitamins and iron. I agree that if you are not committed to this surgery, then it is not for you - but most of us on here don't know each other - some people give me inspiration and others do nothing but moan about how difficult everything is.  I would recommend that you do your research and base your decision on your views and wants and not on what anonymous people (including me) write on this Board!!! Good luck Kim

Many thanks to all of you *****sponded.  I was getting a case of cold feet and your posts had me rethinking the whole thing.    I have a habit of over-thinking , especially when it comes to making a major decision. It took me 6 months to pick out my bedroom furniture!  It is a relief to know that you would do it all over again, struggles and all.  And I do realize that this forum is a port of refuge.  Thanks again. 

Hi there... I struggled with your post a little bit. I found it harsh.. but I'm sure that's not how you meant it. The reality is... we struggle.. some of us more than others.. and we come here for support. I wouldn't change my decision to have surgery.. but when I am down on myself for not being where I want to be.. I don't feel so alone because of the wonderful people here who are honest about where they are and who they are. You are right.. there are people who may never struggle again.. This place is for all of us. I love my life.. I am a volunteer for numerous organizations, work full time, and and raising my granddaughter. I am happy, my life is full... those are my positiives.... but I struggle with my weight.. even after surgery. i hope that by continueing to visit this bored I find the inspiration and the friendships that will keep me trying. It's not negative to share the truth....its necessary.