Out of Control

I think I've hit rock bottom. I am back up to 190 pounds, my clothes are getting tight and I feel like crap. Adding to this, I tend to drink too much and I am not talking abou****er. I got falling down drunk on Saturday night in front of dear friends and actually hurt my back (when I fell). I make a lot of money but am always broke because I spend spend spend. My endulgent behavior just seems to be getting worse and spinning out of control. I am too ashamed to go to group therapy of some sort but this lifestyle has got to change. I have so much going for me and yet I am determined to destroy myself. -=db=-

Dee, As one who hates group therapy, I know what you mean BUT that doesn't mean you shouldn't consider individual therapy. I don't know a lot about cross addiction issues but I have seen my sister-in-law battle alcohol since she had her surgery. Breaks my heart.  For most of us, food was an obsession and an addiction and we place those frustrations in other places. I have seen a therapist a few times to deal with "issues" and believe that if you can find the right one, it can help. You need to take care of yourself and be good to yourself .  I hope that things get better. Hugs, Judi

Who says you have to go to group therapy?  If you are not compfortable sharing in a group see someone on an individual basis.  You have already won part of the battle just by acknowledging you have a problem and are out of control.  My heart goes out to you.  Please get some help.  I am a therapist so I do understand how hard it is to take that first step.  But I believe if you find the right person to work with you can get your life back.  Good Luck and let us know how you are doing.  C

Thanks. Who said I had a life to begin with?? Joking. I always use humor to deflect uncomfortable things. I do have a therapist and we've been working on lots of things since the surgery. The alcoholism is a new manifestation of my weird self. -=db=-

Hi db! I'm glad to see you again, but sorry you're going thru a rough time. I tend to deflect with humor too, especially in uncomfortable situations. I'm glad you're working with a therapist one on one~I don't like group type things either, but if you think it would help you in some way please don't let being ashamed stop you from goingWe're all human and you having nothing to be ashamed of. Like you said, things are out of control right now and we all go thru those phases at certain times in our lives. What does your therapist have to say about the new cross addiction w/ alcohol? Self sabotage and trying to destroy a "good" thing is also very common among us wls'ers~I know, it sucks but all of these things are the struggles for so many of us. I'm glad to see you here though and if I can help in anyway please let me know.

Michelle:   Please don't beat yourself up about re-gaining some weight.  So many post-ops who post here do this, and I think you're not being fair to yourself when you do!  Bounce-back weight gain is expected after WLS, and the average is usually 10% of weight lost.  Everything I ever read or heard from my surgeon and other literature about WLS indicated that I should expect a slight regain.  Did I think it wouldn't happen to me?  Of course!  LOL  But I was wrong.  I bought a ton of clothes in size 12 and now they don't fit again.  I was being unrealistic though.  If I had stayed at that lower weight, it would be EXTREMELY difficult for me to maintain it, I believe.  I'm really much happier with the lifestyle I can lead now.  I exercise regularly, but don't have to "kill" myself, and I'm able to enjoy a wide variety of foods, and just keep an eye on how much sugar/carbs I eat, and try not to allow myself to graze.  Other than that, I don't feel my maintenance regimen is  too difficult.  I could probably get some of the regained weight back off if I really pushed myself, but I was never a great dieter before WLS (obviously!) and that's probably not going to change.  So I am learning to be content where I am (185 - my lowest was 162), and realize how much better off I am than I was at 260!  I never thought I was going to be "model thin" anyway, nor did I care to be.  I'm big-boned and athletically built, and I feel so much better now!  I'm almost 50, but honestly, I feel every bit as good and probably better than I did at 35.

Carlita

Same thing with me. I was at a size 12 and now up to a 16. But now I drink too! I'm a big fat lush. No, I'm not going to call myself that. I am going to be good to me and stop sabotaging my efforts to become an adult. I've just got to get happy, somehow. I ordered a book off Amazon.com, "Eating, Drinking, Overthinking: The Toxic Triangle of Food, Alcohol, and Depression--and How Women Can Break Free". I read what they would allow online and it sounds like it might be helpful, and it's interesting to know that this is quite common behaviour. -=db=- PS. I went home last night and got loaded and this morning I still feel drunk.

DeeBee,  So sorry you are feeling down. I am glad you're working with a therapist. I, too, began to spend  a few months after my surgery. I have been doing a lot of press lately about addiction transfer. it's so hard! Just keep working on why you spend, eat, and drink. What do you really need? Me? I had great anxiety and depression problems and used all my "addictive substances" for comfort or reward.  You may want to try something like AA. I attend DA. It really is so nice to know you're not the only one.  Please feel free contact me at anytime!!! oxoxoxox Much love and blessings