Back there

I feel like I"m falling back to that place where eating is the only thing that makes life stop being so hard.  In January, I had plastics and couldn't exercise. Since that time, my middle has grown soft. I think I've gained. Maybe 5 pounds at most, but still. My appetite was huge because I worked out so much. Well, when the exercise had to go away, the appetite of course didn't. I've been through alot emotionally recently and I've been drowning myself in food. I have never had any real restrictions to what or how much I eat for atleast a year. so, it's all me. Part of me just doesn't care. I know that's strange, but I feel so low and so sad right now. My middle is soft. Here, I just had a tummy tuck and when i sit, there's a little puddle of fat. It makes me sick to look at. I'm disgusted by myself. I guess I just need a kick in the pants or something. I don't even know what I"m asking for here.  love to all - jazz

Dear Jazz, I have never written on these boards before, I am a learker, but your post made me feel bad.  I know how emotionally eating can hurt, but let me give you some advice from you own words "So few people know that food is really a drug, and that food addiction is truly a disease. I am only in remission, and if I don't stay on top of my eating, my emotions, my life, I could be right back there in an instant." Don't let yourself, anything or anyone make you feel bad.  So you tummy isn't as tight as you want it to be and you have gained five pounds.  YOU HAVE LOST 200!!!!!  You can get back on the program and get a six pack abs if you want. I hope I came across that I care about your stuggles and not too harsh. Myra

"I guess I just need a kick in the pants or something. I don't even know what I"m asking for here. " Hey Jazz -  How about let's start with the positives......... 1.  According to your profile, you lost 200 pounds.  Let me say it again - TWO HUNDRED POUNDS!  I don't have to tell you how absolutely incredible that is!!!  Focus on the POSITIVE.  200 pounds are gone from your life. 2.  Five pound gains are NORMAL.  We all have them - WLS folks or not.  Five pounds could be the result of anything - the list is endless.  The positive?  Five pounds is "do"able to get rid of....  you just need to start somewhere.  Work that body - even if it's a short 1/2 mile walk to start with.  Somewhere in your profile "story" you mentioned that you were always looking for the next seat/chair to sit in because it was exhausting to get from Point A to Point B.  I'll bet you certainly don't feel that way now, huh?  Use that to your advantage!! 3. You still have the tool intact that got you where you are today.  Use it wisely and it will serve you well.  Go back to basics if you need to...  keep a food journal, an exercise journal, an emotional journal - whatever works for you.  Keeping track of these things will get you where you need to be!  You have the gift of writing - I cannot imagine it not helping you get through this now. 4.  You have been through an amazing transition in your life.  Don't be too hard on yourself!!  You deserve to sit back and enjoy the fact that WLS change your world for the better, albeit not without some heartache along the way.  Heartache makes us stronger. 5.  Rely on your OH support system.  We have all been where you are today.  We all have the good/bad days.  We all need one another for the understanding and aknowledgment that we don't necessarily get from non-WLS folks.   It's hard for us not to let those old, ugly, poor habits creep back into our lives.  And for some reason, they seem to rear their ugly heads somewhere around the two-year mark.  Recognition is our best defense to ward off any sabatoge we encounter, and we have all come too far to let the fat demon control our lives again!  

Please don't be so hard on yourself. Five pounds since January is not so bad.

I hope that whatever issues you are dealing with get straightened out. Have you gotten back into exercising? If  not ,it might help with any stress you are having and along with it get a few of the pounds to leave too. You have accomplished so much and have no reason to feel disgusted with yourself. Maybe you could think of at least one positive thing each day that you accomplish and not dwell on the negative.  You deserve the best for yourself and nothing less. Sher